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Thread: Why do so many foreigners marry Japanese women?

  1. #1
    Male
    Join Date Jun 3, 2004
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    Why do so many foreigners marry Japanese women?


    国際交流パーティー
    Tokyo International Party

    I've recently been wondering why this is becoming so popular.

    In the '70s it wasn't all that common to see a foreign man and a Japanese woman married. Now, it is quite common, depending upon where you go, to see a Japanese woman with her "gaijiin" husband. It got me to thinking as to why this has become so "popular".

    I have several ideas as to why, but no data to back any of it up. Only speculation.

    One strong idea as to why, is that Japanese women, as a rule are believed to be subservient to men based on the image of Japanese society. I believe that many foreign men find this attractive as the women in their home country may tend to be more "equal" with them.

    Of course it could be that they were just meant to be. You know, they "click" or they are just complimentary to each other and make a good couple.

    There is always that stigma that the foreigner was a loser in his own country, and no woman there would have anything to do with him. Thus, the only woman he could get was to marry a Japanese (or other foreign woman) or live his life alone. This idea is shared among many closed minded individuals...but can also be true at times!

    Another idea that is often mentioned is that the woman is treated much better by the foreign man than by Japanese men, which explains her attraction to the foreigner.

    Any thoughts on this by anyone here?
  2. #2
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
    Posts 981
    USA - California

    In the '70s it wasn't all that common to see a foreign man and a Japanese woman married.

    I believe that many foreign men find this attractive as the women in their home country may tend to be more "equal" with them.
    Before 1975,nearly all Japanese women ( and other Oriental females in Pacific Rim ) married to " foreigner " males were in the sex industry.

    It only applies to white males not getting attention from nice decent attractive white girls.My typical white-American neighbors all have white spouses with two stationed at Japan's Yokosuka Naval Base in the 1990's,J.Jameson and Joe Stanton never took interest in Japanese ( or Asian )women or culture.
  3. #3
    Seven Times To Japan Male
    Join Date Oct 18, 2004
    Location Tarzana, California
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    Maybe they find Japanese women attractive and sexy.

    Armand's Rancho del Cielo
  4. #4
    Back Male
    Join Date May 19, 2006
    Location Rotterdam - ロッテ
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    Netherlands
    I'm pretty sure the "nice and obedient" character of many Japanese women are considered very attractive.

    If I may speak for myself, as a kid I always used to say I wanted to marry a Japanese woman so she could cook just like my mom!! Having said that, I'm afraid my current girlfriend isn't much of a cook, and prefers western food over Japanese food!!
  5. #5
    Male
    Join Date Mar 8, 2005
    Location Pittsburgh, Penn.
    Posts 2,094
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    I never had any illusions about Japanese women being specifically subserviant, though my girlfriend was especially caring for me, it may just be a character trait of hers...

    I like how Japanese women speak, I like their language, I like how they look, I like generally how they think... Living in a college town, I've seen just how bad some American women have become, basically they are just like men, yelling in the street, wearing slobby clothes, acting rude & loud...

    My relationship just sort of happened, but when you are interested in Asian culture, especially if you make specific plans to move to Japan, or have a desire to move to Japan, a Japanese girlfriend is a natural thing--- If you live in Japan, and want to stay there, there isn't much point in seeking out another gaijin to date---

    And honestly, for myself, I don't find Americanized Asians all that attractive, personality-wise... They can be loud and brash and just the sort of thing that seems so unatractive to me, they're so fed up with their parents telling them to remember their culture that they go overboard in assimilating...

    Besides, I don't think there is anything wrong with being drawn to another culture--- I think it's foolish to assume that people totally disregard race. We're different people and I think if you ask the question why do gaikokujin men seek Japanese women, you have to ask yourself why Japanese women seek gaikokujin men.

    ed: There is probably a contingency of men who see foreign Asian women as 'exotic oriental flowers' and all that rubbish, but how far do they really get?

    Also, the next interesting question is, Why are Japanese men seeking fillipina brides rather than Japanese ones...?
  6. #6
    Admin Male
    Join Date Feb 5, 2005
    Location Kobe, Rokko
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    Japan-Hyogo
    Because the world has become more open to foreigners.

    This is not only in Japan I think, but everywhere in the world...
  7. #7
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
    Posts 981
    USA - California

    Also, the next interesting question is,Why are Japanese men seeking fillipina brides rather than Japanese ones...?


    I've heard through the grapevines in northern California,some Fillipinas are _________ " kinky s@x ".
  8. #8
    先輩 Male
    Join Date Feb 4, 2005
    Location .
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    Japan
    ...
    Also, the next interesting question is, Why are Japanese men seeking fillipina brides rather than Japanese ones...?
    Year 2004
    Chinese: 11,915
    Fillipina: 8,397

    I heard fake marrige is increasing after the government hesitates to issue entertainer visa, but be happy when you get married.
  9. #9
    Delusions of Adequacy Male
    Join Date Mar 15, 2002
    Location Japan
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    Before 1975,nearly all Japanese women married to " foreigner " males were in the sex industry.
    I suppose you have a source for that extraordinarily offensive yet characteristic little gem. Care to share it with us?

    It only applies to white males not getting attention from nice decent attractive white girls.My typical white-American neighbors all have white spouses with two stationed at Japan's Yokosuka Naval Base in the 1990's,J.Jameson and Joe Stanton never took interest in Japanese ( or Asian )women or culture.
    You have to be one of the most racially offensive people it has ever been my misfortune to encounter.
  10. #10
    Delusions of Adequacy Male
    Join Date Mar 15, 2002
    Location Japan
    Posts 9,649
    Japan-Gunma
    One thing you absolutely must factor in here is the vastly larger number of foreigners here. For example, from about 1985 to 1988 the foreign population of Tokyo expanded about 500%. (Thanks to the rising yen at the time).
  11. #11
    Hullu Male
    Join Date Apr 22, 2004
    Location Espoo
    Posts 3,568
    Finland
    Well, my answer to this question would be : "Who gives a damn!".
    It's not because they make better partners or anything, it's just by either coincidence or pure interest. Ofcourse there are some stereotypical people who can't get a woman in their own country or who have a fetish for asian women. I wouldn't be bothered by it, the same thing happens in China and all over the world.

    I think Dave hit the nail on the head.
    ~ Parempi hullu kuin tylsä - Better crazy than boring ~
    http://www.fin-style.be/blog -> My Blog about Finland and other random thingies.
  12. #12
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Apr 1, 2006
    Posts 687
    Japan
    Japanese women, as a rule are believed to be subservient to men based on the image of Japanese society.
    OK, if anyone here still believe the myth of Japanese women being so obedient, raise your hand! I will come shatter the illusion! (just kiddin')

    Well, seriously, modern Japanese women are not so obedient to their husbands or boyfriends as the ones of grandma's age. However, when compared with, say, American ones, maybe we are??? I really don't know.

    Why are Japanese men seekin fillipina brides rather than Japanese ones...?
    The first thing that came across my mind when I saw this post was a newspaper article I read some years ago, which said:
    *Sons of farm families from depopulated rural area seeking Phillipina brides* or something like that.. The reason for this is that not many Japanse modern girls want to marry a farmer. Besides the fact of lacking the opportunity of meeting young girls, sons of farm families are having a hard time with getting a wife because many young Japanese women don't want to marry a guy with an occupation of 3K (standing for kitanai, kitsui, kusai, I'm not sure about the last one though). (kitanai=dirty, kitsui=tough/hard, kusai=smelly). You know, if you are a farmer or a wife of a farmer, you have to work outside all sweating, you sometimes get mud on your shirt, the job is most of the time physically hard, and you can't travel for so many days cus you need to take the daily care of the farm . So those farmers need to arrange a meeting to find a bride, what we call "omiai", with young Phillipina women who, they hope, won't mind a 3K job.


    Other than that, I guess they have an expectation of Phillipinas being nice and obedient just like the one some Westeners still have of Japanese women. The Japanese guys who've met Phllipina hostesses at Phillipino pubs here fall in love with their sweetness and obedience. In my opinion, they are just being very professional and they know what can attract their customers, though.

    I heard this painfully poor Japanese guy's story who chased up the Phillipina to her homeland who used to work at a Phillipin pub in Japan and suddenly left without saying anything to him. What he found there was his sweet Phillipina girlfriend who once was (or at least looked like to him) in love with him with a local husband and 4 kids.

    At the same time, there are poor Phillipina hostesses here who get pregnant and then dumped by their Japanese boyfriends or customers.

    Now, back on topic, why it's becoming more and more common for Japanese women to have foreign husbands? I second what Mike Cash-san said. There are more and more foreign people in Japan these days. I think it is the biggest reason.
  13. #13
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
    Posts 981
    USA - California

    However,when compared with,say,American ones,maybe we are ? I really don't know.

    Japanese is a male-dominiated culture and more so than nearby East Asian counterparts,it reflects in many social aspects.

    Definitely,Japanese women are still traditional and subservient ( is better word ) to some agree compare to some of those outspoken,loud,and bitchy American women.I've seen my white-neighbors's white-wife could bossed,yelled,and talked to her husband like a " puppy " before my very eyes.

    American females fought for " equal rights " for many decades,more so than European and Oriental counterparts.There are a few die-hard remnant of male chauvinstic American men ( including my girlfriend Gail's husband believes in old school values,she puts up with all his crap.She vented to me,her husband once said he would now be with a Mexican girl if she hasn't shown in his life ).

    Most American women are assertive,demanding and domineering,absolutely have no fear speak their mind.

    World became more tolerate of inter-racial marriages not just Japan,different nationalities can meet and fall in love at school or at work nowadays.
  14. #14
    Banned Male
    Join Date Aug 8, 2006
    Posts 42
    United States

    I suppose you have a source for that extraordinarily offensive yet characteristic little gem. Care to share it with us ?
    US Department of Defense ( Pentagon ) and US servicemen are 2 reliable first-hand sources,you can access to de-classified documents.
  15. #15
    Female
    Join Date Nov 10, 2005
    Location VA
    Posts 919
    United States
    Well my cousin's wife is Japanese and I don't know why he married her. But I do know that She is very much into Hip Hop music and culture. And I guess since he is black she married him cause she likes Black Men? I don't know but she is very much a B-Gyaru. She speaks hip hop slang has a "black" haircut and wears hip hop clothing brands.
    I seriously need a much cheaper hobby than the ones I have now. :(
  16. #16
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
    Posts 981
    USA - California

    You know,they "click" or they are just complimentary to each other and make a good couple.

    There is always that stigma that the foreigner was a loser in his own country, and no woman there would have anything to do with him.Thus,the only woman he could get was to marry a Japanese (or other foreign woman) or live his life alone.This idea is shared among many closed minded individuals...but can also be true at times !


    Seriously,can anyone here entertain us as to how two foreign individuals with completely different cultural backgrounds can have such personal social connection on the fact most WM/AF partners or couples have obvious language barrier.My girlfriend's white-American husband often barely understands her English,I sometimes have to re-phrase the words for her.They both have nothing in common honestly,let alone click.

    One bald-headed former unmarried 40'ish colleague ( a very nice gentleman ) at work painfully accepted the reality set before him in one conversation with me and other females.
    Last edited by ricecake; Sep 20, 2006 at 10:57.
  17. #17
    Male
    Join Date Mar 8, 2005
    Location Pittsburgh, Penn.
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    I've seen my white-neighbors's white-wife could bossed,yelled,and talked to her husband like a " puppy " before my very eyes. American females fought for " equal rights " for many decades,more so than European and Oriental counterparts.
    Will you stop saying the word white so often; it's as if you were Kunta Kinte or something...

    Other than that, I guess they have an expectation of Phillipinas being nice and obedient just like the one some Westeners still have of Japanese women. The Japanese guys who've met Phllipina hostesses at Phillipino pubs here fall in love with their sweetness and obedience. In my opinion, they are just being very professional and they know what can attract their customers, though.
    The first part of what you mentioned makes perfect sense to me, I'm familiar w/ what you say the 3K jobs... (in English, 3D, Dirty, Dangerous, Difficult)...

    The second one I had believed to be true myself before I posed the question to others. I think its a change in the male psyche which occured since after the second world war. I think it came from Japanese men also taking too many liberties in creating an environment in Japan that was not so respectful to women... They want their cake & to eat it as well.... (English idomatic expression!), you know--- they want to be childish boys, and also to be respected in the household as well. There needs to be a resurgence of the old-fashioned Japanese male, I think...
  18. #18
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
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    Deleted
    Last edited by ricecake; Sep 21, 2006 at 06:36.
  19. #19
    Seven Times To Japan Male
    Join Date Oct 18, 2004
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    One bald-headed former unmarried 40'ish colleague ( a very nice gentleman ) at work painfully accepted the reality set before him in one conversation with me and other females.
    What was wrong with a bald, fortyish nice gentleman that you took it upon yourselves to set him straight on? Nothing like raising a guy's self-esteem!

    Jeez, looks ain't everything. No wonder guys are seeking women elsewhere.
  20. #20
    Seven Times To Japan Male
    Join Date Oct 18, 2004
    Location Tarzana, California
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    Seriously,can anyone here entertain us as to how two foreigner individuals with complete cultural backgrounds can have such personal social connection on the fact most WM/AF partners or couples have obvious language barrier.My girlfriend's white-American husband often barely understands her English,I sometimes have to re-phrase the words for her.They both have nothing in common honestly,let alone click.
    Obviously, she sees something in him that you don't. Thank God you have a girlfriend who's not a bigot.
  21. #21
    Your Goddess is here Female
    Join Date Mar 24, 2004
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    I found this fascinating, although it's more from a Japanese woman's viewpoint of why some Japanese women want foreign men.
    http://wwwsshe.murdoch.edu.au/inters...ue4/karen.html
    "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot."
    The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
    by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
  22. #22
    先輩 Female
    Join Date Jun 13, 2006
    Location Dublin
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    Obviously, she sees something in him that you don't.Thank God you have a girlfriend who's not a bigot.

    Me and other close female friends eyewitnessed the husband rudely snapped at her at our presence,she is also blindly tolerated his behaviours and live in misery not just un-bigoted.
  23. #23
    Seven Times To Japan Male
    Join Date Oct 18, 2004
    Location Tarzana, California
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    Me and other close female friends eyewitnessed the husband rudely snapped at her at our presence,she is also blindly tolerated his behaviours and live in misery not just un-bigoted.
    Is she Japanese and he a caucasian American?
  24. #24
    Cute and Furry Male
    Join Date Nov 14, 2003
    Location Chiba/Tokyo
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    We are missing the most obvious answer. If you spend time in Japan, and are single, the number of Japanese females compared to foreign females, who are in the same area, similar age is going to be a million to one. Litrally.

    Now do you see why its "so common"? (Even though its not that common at all).

    US Department of Defense ( Pentagon ) and US servicemen are 2 reliable first-hand sources,you can access to de-classified documents.
    Lamest reply to a biased and untrue comment, yet very common. The onus is not on us or Mike to find anything, its for you to backup your rediculous comment. (Which is pretty fking offensive to ALOT of people on here).
    Last edited by Ewok85; Sep 20, 2006 at 10:38. Reason: Add in some stuff
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  25. #25
    Male
    Join Date Mar 8, 2005
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    We are missing the most obvious answer. If you spend time in Japan, and are single, the number of Japanese females compared to foreign females, who are in the same area, similar age is going to be a million to one. Litrally.
    I mentioned that too. Even if you are simply planning on living in Japan--- what do people do. Date a woman where they live and then say, "sorry darling, I can't take you with me...". So the impetus is to look to meet a Japanese girl when you are there, or before you get there, which happens most of the time.

    ~ Again, I don't think any of this is un-natural... You can't ask this question the way you might ask, Why do so many people drive SUVs these days...
    Last edited by yukio_michael; Sep 21, 2006 at 00:33.
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