Original Haiku

[cacawate]

Ok everybody, let's get those creative juices flowing. I want to see original haiku produced by you! Be it in Japanese, English, Norwegian, French etc.; be it funny, serious, romantic or any other feeling attached to it. If it is in another language, translate it to english. Let's liven this forum up!!

This forum is cool,
It feels like home on the 'net,
Let's all make haiku.

勉強し、
頭がいいだ、
なりたいよ。

Study and,
you will be smart,
I want that.

Heh, well I tried my best. Haiku are pretty tough in Japanese, but that should get the ball rolling. Minna, ganbattene! (Good luck, everyone!)

-Jeff

[Mike Cash]

ブス女
一度褒めると
逃げられぬ

[cacawate]

Lemme take a stab at that one :D.

Met an ugly girl,
I said a nice thing to her,
inescapable.

Hope I didn't screw that up too much.

-Jeff

[Glenn]

I'd say that's pretty good. :D :D That's pretty funny, mike. LOL.

[TwistedMac]

the true sport of blood
a twisted child of wrestling
we are gaea


right, so i saw a show the other day about some japanese girls wrestling called the gaea girls.. at first i thought it was your standard fake wrestling since the attacks and looks of the sport are the same, except with women.. (well.. barely women.. those chicks were enormous..

but a while into the program, while waching their training it was painfully obvious how true this sport was.. it was a true bloodsport, even the ultimate fighting championships pale in comparison...

I have the deepest respect for the gaea girls after this.. those chicks would kill hulk hogan in the ring..

i'm not quite sure the last one counts as 5 syllables...

[cacawate]

Lol, that was awesome. Yeah, I think that last one is cool. It was the second line I had to accomodate my dialect to. Down in the south here we pronounce it re-suhl-ing. :D

[Glenn]

Where in the south, cacawate? I thought that you were from Cali.

[cacawate]

Yeah, Southern California*.

Edit: Don't want to diverge from the post so:

I am from So Cal,
we say things diff'rent than most,
see? I say diff'rent.

*That's considered west ain't it? My bad... :sorry:

[Duo]

Hmmmm, the only haiku i ever did, it was for an english assignment back in high school
Hope is not 2 terrible

A mountain of mist,
up in heaveans of twilight,
A shadow of life.

[TwistedMac]

I, the son of life
But alas war turns the tide
I, the son of death

was talking to TimF about how i'd never be able to kill someone.. then we got into how it must feel to end up in a war and be forced to do it :/

[cacawate]

Wow, that's really good,
made me deeply think of war,
keep up the good work.

[Lina Inverse]

Confucius says:

Hornets with boobs are seldom,
even more camels with egg slicers,
so lubricate them tightly.

:haihai:

[cacawate]

..............?

[Vodkee]

Cleft Palettes are sad,
Operation Smile can help,
No more mark mark mark

[TwistedMac]

LOL!

:3
...............

[sadakoyamamura]

Cacawate, thanks!
Though talent's very rusty
This is my haiku

"You smile happily
But in your eyes, truth I see
of the love you need"

:relief: :-)

[Kirsty]

I drift through this world
Invisible forces hold me
Is my fate decided?

(invisible..mmm....2 or 3 syllables?!! 3 works for me!!)

Murakami san
After dark I seek to know
Nihongo only

Patience I must have
If you have read please tell
I really cannot wait!

I didn't know where to post this vital question?!!

[sadakoyamamura]

storms have since passed us
yet we are still together
tougher every day

--------------------

allow me to ask
what are sides of the same coin?
answer: life and death

:haihai:

[Hachiko]

Love is still alive,
Japan Reference still blooms,
Links, links, and more links.

Azumanga is,
High School girls and comedy,
Humour, off-kilter.

[jovial_jon]

Japan Reference still blooms,
Links, links, and more links.


Parody of self,
something that is present here,
ya gotta love it.

[sadakoyamamura]

man, i feel so good
'reputation' does inspire
satori-san, thanks! :-)

[Nezumi]

Safe in it's shell,
while the currents flow
the pearl is the victim of the sea.

or maybe i should use 5-7-5

i sit here typing
having to pay a big bill.
stupid telephones.

Jref has much info.
The website of japanese.
will it ever last?

Anger held inside.
told and not left to reside.
my regrets don't hide.

[sadakoyamamura]

My, my what a day
Phones ringing, more paperworks
I'm glad there's Jref! :)

[Saithan]

Well it might not be good, but I remember from my time in elementary school of hearing this one:

There is a swimming pool
A dog is taking a leak
It's raining.

And I am still asking myself, "what on earth did I think at the time".

[phelonious]

not many of these could actually be considered haiku. for japanese haiku you need to learn classical japanese first.

どんぐり落つや盤根の間の水たまり

[lexico]

3,
6, 9,
4, 7, 10

note: the classical no. of lines in the Korean twin of 俳諧連歌

[Leroy_Brown]

hara hette
tabe ni ittara
shimatteta

[Loyalist]

covered in arrows
he stood like a statue, still
none woud dare to pass

it was inspired by a samurai story i read (supposed to be true)
about a retainer who stood gaurd while his master commited seppuku in the room behind him. the enemy troops killed him but his death face was so feirce and his spear pevented him from falling they thought he was still alive.

[Shooter452]

"I don't believe in
"Divorce, although I do in
"Spousal homicide."

I wrote that in night school, while a working LEO. The NOW gang on campus was seriously all over my case thinking that I was endorsing spousal abuse and murder. It was only an observation of existing conditions I had seen (have seen). They would not listen. Go figure! Talk about over-reaction!

My haiku was selected for the school literary publication, so it was not so bad. At least it fit the 5-7-5 format and could be uttered in one breath. But still my car was vandalized several times thereafter.

Some campuses were (are) more dangerous than the street.

Homines quod volunt credunt

[Indiana Gardener]

Hi,
I don't usually revive "dead posts", but I've been working on a haiku for close to three months and thought this would be a good spot to place my work and questions.

I've really tried to do some studying on it.
I am making a garden and the ground doesn't hold water permanently. Only during the spring rains. Over the years, the rains had washed out a small channel in the ground. I dug this out larger to form a stream-like bed that will be lined with stones and planted with Iris. The larger 900- 1,500 Lb stones were moved into place this past weekend. I will line the bottom with pebbles at a later time.

In some online searches about Japanese gardens, I found that some garden ornamentation is important. Some use "poetry stones" - stones with engraved or painted-on haiku or tanka. I was thinking of doing that.
Since this plant bed will resemble a stream and we have lots of deer around a passage came to mind...

I hope I don't offend anyone. It is Psalms 42:1
"As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants after you, God."
I want to keep the haiku traditional in structure.

Since the streams flow the most during the spring in Japan from the melting snow off of the mountains, does "stream" count as my season word?

I don't know if I have a "cutting word" or not though?
I have come up with a couple variations. Neither of which do I know if they are correct or not.

Tanka:
(original kanji )　鹿が乾いた河床に向かってあえぐように神よ、わが魂もあなたに向かってあえぐ

(romaji) shika ga kawai ta kawadoko ni mukatte aegu you ni kami yo, waga tamashii mo ana ta ni mukatte aegu

tanka?

鹿が乾い (5?)
河床に向かって (7?)
あえぐように神 (5?)
よ、わが魂もあな (7?)
たに向かってあえぐ (7?) (but, should end with a particle?)

haiku?

神阿
我的心切
鹿切水
kami omone
ware teki shin setsu
shika kirimizu

I read somewhere that the written and pronounced syllable count can vary from one another. That confused me a bit. So I don't know if either of these really adhere to the 5-7-5 and 5-7-5-7-7 counts or not. Or if there is a better way to write it out so that it works, adheres to proper form and uses the traditional simple grammar?

Thank you for any insight that any of you may be able to give on constructing a proper haiku or tanka.

[epigene]

Hi Indiana Gardener!

Although I'm not a haiku/tanka enthusiast, I know just enough to tell you that the breakdown into 5-7-5 or 5-7-5-7-7 cannot be done artificially, breaking up phrases and combined words as you had attempted in your post. Breakup into 5- or 7-syllable lines has to be logical in Japanese.

Logically, it must be broken up into:
鹿が / 乾いた河床に / 向かって / あえぐように / 神よ、 / わが魂も / あなたに / 向かって / あえぐ

Of course, some of them can be combined. Turning this into haiku/tanka form is something only a haiku/tanka veteran or expert can do.

The official translation of Psalms 42:1 is:
鹿が谷川の水を慕いあえぐように、わが魂は主を求める
(Shika ga tanigawa no mizu wo shitai aegu you ni, waga tamashii wa shu wo motomeru.)

I think this is good as it is, though not haiku/tanka.

HTH! :wave:

[Indiana Gardener]

Thanks Epigene :-)
HTH!
It does a bit. Each line must be a whole though without interruption? That makes the use of a "cutting word" more clear to me.
I'm coming along then, a little bit... at least I learned the word for deer. LOL
I have taken notes and I'm going back to the drawing board :-)
Thanks. :wave:

P.S. Turning this into haiku/tanka form is something only a haiku/tanka veteran or expert can do.
Is there any such person here who would do this in exchange for anything - garden plants and/or seeds... a book on Japanese Long-Tail Poultry, etc?

[epigene]

I suddenly got inspired... :relief:

谷川の（たにがわの）
水を慕いし（みずをしたいし）
鹿ごとく（しかごとく）
我が魂も（わがたましいも）
御身を求む（おんみをもとむ）

This is just a quick try.
Anyone who can improve on it, please contribute!! :wave:

[Indiana Gardener]

Thanks Epigene! :-) I noticed that each hiragana is a syllable. That is easy enough to remember. I know that tanka and haiku don't rhyme, but that kind of has a nice flow to it between lines 1 and 4 and also lines 3 and 5. Good job :cool:
Also, I forgot to post this. It's a long form of a translation I found (perhaps not correct, but different).
鹿が谷川の流れを慕いあえぐように、神よ。私のたまし いはあな たを慕いあえぎます。私のたましいは、神を、生ける神 を求めて 渇いています。いつ、私は行って、神の御前に出ましょ うか。
shika ga tanigawa no nagare o shitai aegu you ni, kami yo. watashi no tama shii ha ana
ta o shitai aegi masu. watashi no tama shii ha, kami o, ikeru kami o motome te
kawai te i masu. i tsu, watashi ha okonatte, kami no omae ni de masho u ka.
Thanks! :wave:

[pipokun]

I think the epigene's great job includes everything in the translation you found.

[Indiana Gardener]

I think it's a very good too. I've been looking at engraving info online. I found one place that only charges $1 per character. Not bad at all. I need to contact the local company to see what they charge and if they can program a Japanese font into their machine. I hope that they can! :-)
However, if they can't... is painting-on very traditional?
Thanks :wave:

[epigene]

It looks great when carved in stone, but painting should be just fine.

Personally, I think that the best thing to do is to ask a good calligrapher to write it for you. It doesn't have to be a professional, just someone who is good at Japanese handwriting.

How about asking an old lady in Japan?? *wink*

[Indiana Gardener]

Calligraphy had crossed my mind, but I didn't know of anyone... then again, maybe I do. I'd not thought of that.

The next obstacle would be programing that into a laser engraver since it wouldn't be an actual font. I know that they can do photos into stone now. So maybe it could be done that way.

Thanks for the idea! :wave:

[Aurura]

Lighting of the Spring
Pleads for its legacy in
The summer's thunder.

- Aurura


Though I know this is not in traditional Japanese writing (kanji/hirangana), but seeing as I'm not quite able to create one at that high a level (for me) yet, I just thought I'd put a simple English one up there. I hope it's alright..