Multicultural etiquette

[corindog]

hi,
I will be getting married in April this year and will be having a japanese style wedding. I am worried about how to tell my non-japanese friends that at japanese weddings it is the custom to give money and not gifts to the happy couple. I would like for them to come but I dont think that I can afford to do it for free.
Can anybody make any suggestions or say what they have done?

thanks for any help

[jeisan]

maybe include the little red envelopes for lucky money with the invites and explain thats what its for instead of a gift...

[byp]

hi,
I will be getting married in April this year and will be having a japanese style wedding. I am worried about how to tell my non-japanese friends that at japanese weddings it is the custom to give money and not gifts to the happy couple. I would like for them to come but I dont think that I can afford to do it for free.
Can anybody make any suggestions or say what they have done?

thanks for any helpWhere do you actually live and where is the wedding to be held ? In JP or UK ?
Are you JP or English ? What about the bride ? is she JP or English ? Why a JP "style wedding?" ?? Give us some informations so we might have some suggestions or ideas.

[ax]

In Indonesia, the young generation has a customs to write a note under the invitation card in a very euphemistic fashion, something that say, "We truly are grateful that you express your congratulations not in the form of gifts."

ax

[corindog]

Thanks for the ideas so far, I like the idea of enclosing an envelope as the onus is on them finding out what it is for, not us telling them what it is for.

I live in England and am British. My fiancee lives in Japan and is Japanese. The wedding will be held in Japan. Her parents are religious so we are having the wedding in the local shrine.

If you can think of any more ideas please post them.

[quiet sunshine]

I am worried about how to tell my non-japanese friends that at japanese weddings it is the custom to give money and not gifts to the happy couple.
:souka: We Chinese have the same custom. I do not think it's a good custom, seems many people don't like this custom either, but we still keep this custom. In the long holiday such as May.1 the labor day, Oct.1 our national day or the Spring festival, people may recieve several invitations, they banteringly call those invitations as "red bomb". :p

[Hiroyuki Nagashima]

Do you understand Japanese?
Do you know '結納(YUINOU)'?
Japanese marriage does three ceremonies.
It is three ceremonies of '結納の儀(YUINOU NO GI)'
'結婚の儀(KETTUKON NO GI)' '披露の儀(HIROU NO GI)'.

[corindog]

My Japanese is good, but not that good. What do '結納の儀(YUINOU NO GI)'
'結婚の儀(KETTUKON NO GI)' '披露の儀(HIROU NO GI)' mean?

[Pachipro]

Congratulations! Since you are getting married in Japan it will be a little easier to tell your friends what the custom is. I was married in Japan and had a Japanese wedding also. I told the friends I invited that, if they wanted to give me a gift that, in Japan, it is customary to give a monetary gift in an envelope rather than a bulky household item which would not look too good at the ceremony. They understood and there were no problems. Try to come right out and tell them. They should understand.

[corindog]

Ahhh thanks vey much!
I was hoping that someone would broach the subject of a gift list so that then I could explain the custom, but as yet no-one has. I am sure that once they are aware of the custom it wont be a problem and they will be happy with it. More than anything I dont want to offend anyone or make it seem like I am penny pinching.

[Pachipro]

I was hoping that someone would broach the subject of a gift list so that then I could explain the custom, but as yet no-one has.

As far as I know there is no such thing as a "gift list" in Japan. Japanese just know to give money. I think the standard is 20-50,000 yen depending on the person and their relationship to you.

More than anything I dont want to offend anyone or make it seem like I am penny pinching.

You won't as long as you explain the custom to them first. After that, they should not think that you are 'penny pinching' as you could tell them "Hey, sorry. It's their custom not mine."

Good Luck

[Hiroyuki Nagashima]

"YUINOU NO GI" is a ceremony of a betrothal present.
A man sends an article for an engagement to parents of a marriage partner.
http://www.yuinou.jp/
"KETTUKON NO GI" is a wedding in a Shinto shrine.
Participation of a wedding is only a relative.
http://shaddy.jp/jiten/index.html
http://www.suncolle.co.jp/jinjya-e.html

"HIROU NO GI" is a banquet to introduce the bridegroom bride to a relative, a friend.
A person participating in a banquet sends "a GOSYUGI gift" to the bridegroom bride.
"A GOSYUGI gift" sends money.
In the case of a friend, 20000 yen - 50000 yen are common.

The number of 4 and 9 is no use.
4=SHI death
9=KU suffers
The reason is because an omen is bad.
http://allabout.co.jp/family/ceremony/closeup/CU20010301A/index.htm
http://wedding.biglobe.ne.jp/iwau/syoutai/syo/ma_gosugi_2.html
http://www.rakuten.co.jp/mizuhikiya/486967/