wedding in Japan

[Dutch Baka]

hello everybody, im dave (aka dutch baka)
im going to get married with my lovely fianceé next year februari. but i need to get information about japanese weddings, where can i find best information about weddings, what should i by for her parents? or what is your experience in it, or story you heard..

thanks a lott, its bit hard to find information on internet, especialy in english :okashii:

[RockLee]

wow...only 20 and already going to get married :o

[lem2000]

I will tell you what I know, based on my own experience.

Usually the groom offers a set of gifts to the girls family, and it can be 3-6 months salary (OUCH!), but she will get a dowry of furniture, etc. In my case, since my ex-wife wanted to skip out on the furniture since we were going to live in the USA, I was able to skip out on the gifts. You can find out if her father drinks, and get something nice to bring for him (single malt scotch, 20 year old blended wiskey, etc). If her grandparents are still alive, same for them. You will be part of their family, so start it off the best way possible.

For the wedding itself, you usually go to a wedding hall/hotel to arrange it all. It is seperated into the wedding itself and the reception. Usually the wedding is smaller. The wedding party (bride & groom) give gifts to those attending and there is way too much food. You can select the food and gifts at the wedding hall. Those attending bring money (and it WILL NOT cover the cost of everything, so just be aware).

During the reception, it is typical for the bride & groom to change several times. My ex-wife didn't like that much, so we only changed once. For the wedding we wore kimono, and after about 1/2 the reception we changed to wedding dress and tuxedo. It is typical for all teh stuff to be rented at the hall, but it all adds up. I highly recommend the kimono, it was quite an experience. You will have somebody help you get dressed (a professional kimono dresser), and it is pictures you'll pull out long afterwards to show people.

During the reception people will keep offfering to fill your beer glass, drink a small amount to be polite. If you keep drinking, they'll keep filling, and you won't be able to walk! For the food, there are traditional dishes, and alot of choices, so work it out with her/her family. The same with gifts. I think we gave a dish set, a tea set, and tea. You can pay, and pay, and pay .. it all adds up quickly, so figure out what you want and watch the costs.

A popular thing is dry ice for the enterance, or disco ball/music, or something else very theatrical. Figure out what you both want, and decide how much of a show you want to put on (some is expected .. it's a wedding after all!). Plan to stay at a hotel the night before, it is the considerate thing to do.

Most weddings are Shinto, and you typically drink some sake during the wedding (san-san-kyu-do I think, 3-3-9, so you sip 3 times for each cup, and you get a total of three cups, for a total of 9).

It can be hard because of the cost of attending a wedding (about $300 when I got married) few younger people have actually been to one (my ex-wife attended her first wedding when we got married), so your fiancee might not be too much help. Just find out what her family expects from you for gifts/money, and just enjoy it.

I wish you both the best. I hope this helps.

-lance

[jjaappaa]

On the flip side I am going to get married in Japan but we are just going to go and register our marriage at the kuyakusho. I will meet her parents but with only a small gift. Her brother is getting married now so we will put off any ceremony for us until next year when my family will fly over to Japan to meet her family. So this is the other side of the coin. I think that like lem2000 said there are the traditional weddings and then there are the more casual ones. My girl's family know that I am not Japanese and don't expect me to know or act like a Japanese, so it can be very cheap and stress free. Maybe find out what her family thinks about the whole wedding thing and go from there. Don't try to guess what they think about the wedding ask them. Good Luck mate!

[-Rudel-]

Good information Lem. This will difinately aid me if what I might need to do. :)

I to am getting married soon! In June. I heard when you get married in June it brings the couple Good Luck for their entire marriage. I'm currently in Honduras doing some visiting. Though, can't wait to get back to Japan!

But right now, my fiance wants to come to USA after we get married. We have many many papers to fill out and we decided to get married in Japan as well. Since I am an American, their are plenty of immigration/Visa forms that need to be filled out.

My fiance definately wants to get pictures taken in Kimono's, as well as her brother. Luckly I don't have to much of an expense to worry about. She wants very small private type wedding with just a few friends. But when we go to America she wants it all out...hahahaha. What a mess this will be!

Cheers!
and Congratulations!

[nurizeko]

my g/f i figure on a western wedding in my country, japanese weddings seem too expensive.

shame im going to miss out on the kimono and hakama, but ohwell....

[Dutch Baka]

arigato for your tips.

i wont get a big wedding, im not rich, and i have to get married in 2 weeks when i arive in japan (because of changing from tourist visa to spouse)
we will have it small, with familie, and close friends.

we will go to wedding planner in july to see whats posible! wish i could marrie in a kimono, but my girl doesnt want, and yeah expensive!

arigato ne