Honne vs Tatemae

[RinoaRita]

Has anyone had problems with honne vs tatemai?

Honne = true intentions
Tatemae = front that one puts up.

This can be a problem for foreigners that think that when a japanese acquaintance is saying "Oh you must come visit some time," she doesn't really mean it and she doesn't actually expect you to show up at her house.

Same for the business man that says that you should play golf together sometime.

This can be a problem for westerners because when someone says that they usually mean it.

This doesn't mean the japanese are tricking you or being mean. They just mean the "tatemae" greetings to be friendly and not be taken seriously.

Of coure, that brings the whole issue of what do they say when they actually want you to visit :?

[okaeri_man]

maybe i've been misled all this time, and every japanese person i've met despises me. or maybe not... lol.

[Kama]

I haven't been to Japan, so I don't know how it looks like in a practice, but here we (Polish) are using sometimes honne and tatemae. I'll call you/We will see and so on. :D When I say "I''ll see what can be done about this" I always mean "Don't count on anything from me" :D

[TwistedMac]

"it's in the mail"
*frantically searches desk for it*