Crash Course In Japanese Culture (Final Part)

[Pachipro]

After her father was done with his bath, he came into the room and sat down. Sachiko brought him a beer along with some snacks for the both of us, poured his beer for him, and then poured me a glass. Her father raised his glass to me and I did the same and we drank our beer. I felt kind of awkward sitting there on the tatami mat floor as I couldn’t speak Japanese and he couldn’t speak English so we just sat there for a few minutes in silence and watched the news on TV. Since I screwed up in the bath most of the food that was on the table put away.

Sachiko, meanwhile, busied herself in the kitchen and started bringing the food for our dinner into the room and placed it around the table. She also placed a portable, electric one burner stove on the table and plugged it in. On top of this she placed a large pot filled with all kinds of vegetables and turned on the heat. In front of me was a small, shallow dish that had an egg in it. I wondered what it was for and figured it would be cooked along with the dinner somehow.

Her father had finished his beer and raised his bottle towards me and said something I didn’t understand. By his gesture I gathered that he wanted me to drink up. I did, and he poured me another glass and poured one for himself. The Japanese do like their beer, I thought to myself. By now I was beginning to feel the effects of the beer as I had been drinking since my first bath. I picked at the rice crackers and continued to watch a kind of slapstick comedy that was now on the TV.

There were also some, what looked like peas in the pod in a bowl on the table. The father would grab one and squeeze the “peas” into his mouth and place the empty pod into another bowl. Not wanting to look unsociable I also tried one. The pod was a little wet and there was salt on it. I squeezed the “peas” into my mouth and boy did they taste good. I had another and another and almost couldn’t stop myself from eating them.

After a while the pot started to boil and the heat was turned down a little. Sachiko then brought in a large plate of the paper thin slices of beef we had bought that afternoon and knelt next to me at the table. With chopsticks, she began placing pieces of the meat into the pot of boiling vegetables. Her mother came in and knelt at the table also. I thought it odd that the women were kind of kneeling and the two men were sitting cross legged. Sachiko explained that we were going to eat Sukiyaki, boiled vegetables and meat. I asked about the “peas” and mentioned how good they tasted. Sachiko said that they were soy beans, also known as edamame. I had never tasted soy beans before, but they sure were good.

I asked about her brother and sister and if they were going to eat with us. Sachiko said that her brother would be going out with his friends and that her sister would be home later.

Everyone then broke their egg into the shallow bowl and began beating it with the chopsticks. I followed suit and wondered what we were going to do with the egg so I asked Sachiko. She explained that the meat and vegetables were to be taken from the pot, dipped in the raw egg, and eaten. I found this rather repulsive as I had never eaten a raw egg before.

Everyone then started dipping their chopsticks into the pot and placed a few pieces of vegetables and meat into the bowl with the raw egg and began eating. I did the same, but was awkward with the chopsticks, so Sachiko got some for me. I looked in the bowl and saw the vegetables and meat in the raw egg and wondered what it would taste like. I took the piece of meat first and, after letting as much of the raw egg drip off the meat as possible, placed it in my mouth. Hey, this is not that bad after all. I hardly tasted the egg, but the meat was delicious. I can’t ever recall eating meat that was boiled like this before. I then tried the vegetables and they were pretty good too. I then followed suit with the family and we all ate while watching the comedy on TV. What surprised me was, that evening, I mastered the use of chopsticks. It was a "no brainer" after a while.

Sachiko explained that the raw egg is supposed to cool off the hot meat and vegetables before eating while adding a little flavor to the already flavorful food. There were also some vegetables and large mushrooms that I had never tasted before, but they were all delicious. And so was the beer that seemed to never end.

I couldn’t quite grasp the concept of the TV show we were watching, but everyone was laughing. It seemed that mostly everyone was yelling at each other and then one person would slap the other in the head and the audience would roar with laughter. A few skits were shown that showed a Samurai type scene, men dressed as women, a scene in a house, etc. It seemed to be live and performed on a stage in some large hall. One thing I did notice was that there were no commercials.

As soon as I had finished a glass of beer, it was filled again. Sometimes, her father would hold up a bottle towards me and gesture me to drink while my glass was still half full. I drank up and soon was beginning to get really drunk. I noticed that, after a while, her fathers face was really pink. The women drank too, but not as much as her father and I, but they seemed to do most of the pouring. There was a little small talk, but mostly we all sat in silence, while eating, drinking and watching TV.

Sachiko explained that the TV show we were watching was the most popular comedy show in Japan and was on every Saturday night. I still couldn’t get it, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it. I asked about the commercials and she said that this was NHK, the public television station, and that there weren’t any commercials

All in all dinner lasted about an hour and a half and everyone was full. I continued eating the soy beans which I found very delicious and addicting. The mother seemed happy that I enjoyed them and made another large bowl after the table was cleared.

After the comedy show was over, the father switched the station to a police drama type of show. This I found fairly interesting and easy to follow, even though I didn’t understand the language. Sachiko and her mother washed the dishes in the kitchen.

After we had finished our fourth beer or so, the father said something to me and I understood the word whiskey. He yelled something into the kitchen and soon a small tray with two glasses, a bucket of ice, and a pitcher of water was brought in along with a bottle of whiskey. The two glasses were placed on the table and the father filled them with ice.

“Whiskey wada,” he said. “You like?”

I had never had whiskey and water before, but feeling rather good said “yes,” and he poured a little whiskey into the glasses from a small, dark, round bottle with a yellow label on it. The label said Suntory. He then filled the remainder of the glass with water.

"Dis izu mizu wari," he said pointing at the glass. "Whisky Wada."

His accent was funny in English, but I knew what he meant. Now I was really getting drunk and my shyness and inhibitions started to fade into the background. The father and I started speaking with Sachiko being the interpreter. I don’t remember much of what was said, but I do remember us laughing a lot. I also don’t know how it happened, but I vaguely remember myself standing up in that room and singing like an idiot while the parents and Sachiko laughed. I was told later the next day that I put on a one man comedy show for them.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning, groggy, still a little drunk, but with no headache. I put on the sweats and stumbled into the warm kitchen. The parents and Sachiko were already in there and were eating breakfast. Her younger brother and older sister were in the parent’s room watching TV. Everyone looked my way and said “Ohayo”, good morning. I said “ohayo” back and took a seat at the table. Coffee was made for me.

I was asked if I wanted something to eat and I said that I would like to have some of that delicious toast I had yesterday. The toast was made and a small bowl of soup was put in front of me that had some small clams in the shell in it. This I found very tasty and ate a couple of bowls of it. I had never eaten clams before.

Her father talked, through Sachiko, about the previous evening and how much fun he had had. I thought I must’ve made a real fool of myself with my singing and antics, but no one seemed to mind.

It was only later on, as I came to learn more and more about the Japanese culture, that drinking helps the Japanese relax and it’s perfectly okay to make a fool out of oneself and let your hair down, so to speak, when inebriated.

I mentioned to Sachiko that I was surprised I didn’t have a headache with the amount of alcohol I drank the previous evening. She said that she gave me an aspirin before I went to bed and passed out. I didn’t even remember it. She said an aspirin before bed, after drinking alcohol, will prevent a headache. I’ll have to remember that, I thought to myself.

Anyway, we finished our breakfast and I washed and brushed my teeth at the sink and we all ended up in the family room sitting on the floor watching TV for the remainder of the morning. They drinking their tea and I my coffee. We also ate some tangerines that the mother placed in a small wicker bowl on the table. After a while, the older sister got dressed and left and the brother went to his room. The mother washed dishes and Sachiko did the wash and hung out the bedding.

What was different this morning was that there was no wooden table. Instead there was a kotatsu. I particularly enjoyed this. With the sun shining into the room, the kerosene heater lit with the kettle of water hissing on top, and my feet warmed by the kotatsu, it was a real cozy atmosphere and, for some unknown reason, I felt like I belonged there.

The father laid on the floor while reading the paper and I, also, “read” the paper, or rather looked at the pictures and strange writing. I was more interested in the advertisements inserted in the paper. There’s nothing you can’t get in this country, and the prices are pretty decent, I remember thinking to myself. I was most interested in the electronics ads than anything else.

At around 1pm, it was time for lunch. Sachiko mentioned that they were going to order lunch and asked what I would like. I was given a few options and selected the pork on rice, also known as katsudon. The mother made a phone call and after about 30 minutes lunch was delivered by a man on a scooter.

I was little surprised that lunch was delivered in real glass bowls. I was half expecting paper boxes much like a Chinese restaurant in the states. The plates were placed around the table and everyone ate while watching TV. I found the katsodon extremely tasty and enjoyed it very much.

After lunch, the plates were gathered up and placed outside. Sachiko said that the store would come by later in the day to pick them up. At about 3 pm I mentioned that I had to be getting back to the base as I had to get up early the next morning. I asked about how to get home. Sachiko mentioned something to her father and the father yelled something to the brother. Sachiko then said that her brother would drive me back to the base.

We then went into Sachiko’s room where I changed clothes. What surprised me was that my underclothes and socks were washed. Sachiko said that she had washed them that morning. I felt kind of embarrassed about this, but didn’t say anything.

When it was time to leave, I said “domo arrigato,” thank you, to the parents (one of the few words I knew in Japanese) and bowed a little as I had seen the Japanese do to each other. The parents said they were glad to meet me and hoped that I would visit again. I secretly hoped that I would also.

The three of us left the house and walked a little to the parking area where the brother’s car was parked. He owned a brand new, dark green, 1973 Nissan Skyline; one of the coolest looking sports cars in Japan at that time. Cool, I said to myself. Sachiko got in the back and I rode in the front.

As we drove the narrow streets back to the base, Sachiko and I talked a little. I asked if I could see her again and she said, “Sure.” She wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and I tucked it away carefully in my wallet.

During the drive home her brother hardly said a word except to Sachiko to ask where the base was. I knew the city name and train station name and the adjoining city, but that was it. I had no idea how to get home by car. He managed to find it anyway. He never spoke directly to me and I still had the feeling that he didn’t much like me, even though we were about a year and a half apart in age. Maybe he didn’t like Americans dating his sister, but I thought that that couldn’t be it as he already had two sisters married to Americans. Maybe two were enough for him. Oh well.

The drive from her house to the base, about 30 kilometers (18 miles), took almost an hour. The traffic on route 16 this Sunday afternoon was horrendous. It was mostly stop and go all the way. I couldn’t get over that most of the backup on this two lane “highway” was mostly due to traffic signals and the massive number of cars. I also noticed that a majority of the cars were white and contained families or couples. I also remember noticing that when there was a family in the car, the wife was always in the back.

When we weren’t talking, I mostly stared out the window at the small shops, houses, signs, and took everything in while thinking about the most intriguing weekend I had ever experienced. The sun began to set and Sachiko pointed out Mt. Fuji to the left. You could clearly make out the top third of the snow covered mountain standing tall just over the Tanzawa Mountains to the west. What a majestic site.

Once at the base, I signed them in and we drove the short distance to my living quarters. There I said “domo arrigato” to her brother. He nodded his head, said something I didn’t understand, and I exited the car. I moved the seat forward so Sachiko could get out. When she was outside the car, I reached down, clasped both her hands in mine and, looking into her eyes, squeezed them and said, “Thanks for a very interesting weekend. I really enjoyed it.”

She looked back at me, squeezed my hands in return, and said “You’re welcome. I enjoy too.” I kissed her on her cheek, said I would call her, and held the door open as she got into the front seat. She looked up at me, smiled, and said "mata neh," see you again. I closed the door and waved as they made a u-turn and headed back down the street to the gate.

I did call Sachiko the next day, and the day after, and the day after that. I saw her the following weekend, spent it at her house again, and continued seeing her as often as I could. I spent many a weekend at her house and eventually started working with the father and brother on Saturdays doing plumbing work with them.

We eventually fell in love and were married in civil ceremonies at the American Embassy and the city hall in late spring of 1975 with the blessings of her parents. I’d like to say that we lived happily ever after, but such was not the case after I decided to get out of the military and enter a university in Tokyo and that I did not want any children until I at least graduated from college. That in itself is a whole different story.

However, even after our amicable divorce, in 1978, we remained good friends up until the time we both met others and went our separate ways. We almost got back together in 1980, but fate would not allow it as it probably wasn’t meant to be. She did upgrade herself though, and ended up marrying a US Naval Officer.

In my opinion, I feel she was one of the last generation of Japanese women that married US servicemen for a “better life” outside of Japan. Not that I didn’t think she didn’t love me or anything. She did. But that will have to be explained in another story.

However, I did meet and made quite a few friends through her sister and the people she worked with at the hotel in Yokohama as we used to hang out and travel together often; one of which is still my closest and dearest friend today. He was my best man when I got married again in 1988.

Even today, some 30 years later, I still think of Sachiko often. I wonder what she is doing and smile when I remember that weekend totally immersed in the Japanese culture for the first time when I had been in Japan for only one month.

I smile at how awkward I was, the blunder of the bath, my shock at her sister sleeping in the room, and the little discoveries I made and the things I learned. The food I tasted, the coldness of the house, the kindness of her parents, and my first introduction into all things Japanese. And I sincerely hope she eventually found happiness, even though it wasn’t with me, as she and her family were really nice people and treated me great throughout the three years we spent together.

Even if our relationship wasn’t meant to be, maybe that weekend was, as I came to truly love Japan and the culture, and ended up staying in Japan for more than16 years after that.

That weekend totally change my life and pointed me in a whole new direction that, I wonder today, where I would've ended up had I not met Sachiko. There is a saying that, “everything happens for a reason,” and “there are NO coincidences in life.” And I am sure, for reasons I cannot explain here, that when I look back over it, “it was supposed to happen.”

To Sachiko and her family, I thank you.

[kirei_na_me]

Touching story.

I was just enthralled by each segment!

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Pachipro!

That's all I can say!

[Duo]

I will join knm in thankin you pachipro, i really enjoyed your story, if you have more such tales and experiences to tell, then plz do so :)

you should write some kind of memoir and try to have it published :wave:

[Kara_Nari]

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! I enjoyed every minute whilst reading your story! Fantastic :D

[TwistedMac]

uh-huh. good stuff! thanks for sharing!

[Gaijinian]

どうして作者じゃなかったっけ？ Nice job.

[Rich303]

This is a nice story Pach,

It reminds me of my stay with my pen pal's family.
I was treated extremely well by everyone. My friend's (Harumi) dad is an English teacher so he was interested in brushing up on a few words, and he was impressed with my photos of Inari and my drinking abilities!
Harumi's mum said I look like a young Art Garfunkel and her nephew was crying when I had to go.
I was a virtual 'Japan virgin', I knew a few things, but not a lot.
It is strange to be welcomed so much by strangers - but wonderful!
They've said I would be very welcome if I return to Japan.

[Dekamaster]

Engrossed. Touching story.

[nurizeko]

Top stuff.

[Faustianideals]

Great story, thank you for posting it.

[Pachipro]

Top stuff.

Great story, thank you for posting it.
Thanks for taking the time to read it.

どうして作者じゃなかったっけ？ Nice job.
Sorry I have not seen this and responded before Gaijinian. Thanks for that. Believe it or not I have started writing a book based on my experiences as you are not the only one to have said that on the sites I have posted. Whether it will sell or not is anyone's guess. Bet hey, why not?

[Damicci]

Awesome story. Many people dream, read, or watch stories like that. Her eyou lived it. Glad you enjoyed it and I hope to heave more interesting stories to tell also.

[Pachipro]

Thanks Damicci. I enjoyed your story of your visit to Japan also. In the future maybe you should post your experiences here though they may not get read alot.

Looking forward to reading more of your experiences and feelings here and on your blog.

[Alegi]

Yes a very very vey good story, as I wrote before, this is something that not everyone can get the chance to actually get to do. Still somehow, when I read this story, It felt like I was there because I could create own pictures in my head of the whole story.

For that I thank you! If not, you made my dreams even bigger to some day actually go to Japan for studies and do lots of stuff that I only could had thought about.

[gaijinalways]

Pachipro,

Great story, though I am a bit surprised by the bath gaffe, but I suppose it depends on how much about the culture you read before coming here. Cultural gaffes are still possible even when the information is latent in your head, yet the cultural custom is not fixed yet. I do have one question though, where is the first part of the story (I don't see it in this section)?

[Pachipro]

Great story, though I am a bit surprised by the bath gaffe, but I suppose it depends on how much about the culture you read before coming here. Cultural gaffes are still possible even when the information is latent in your head, yet the cultural custom is not fixed yet.
The truth is I never even studied up on Japan before going and never even gave it a second thought to do so as I was in the military at the time and only in Japan about a month. I truly was ignorant of Japan and the world in general at that time.

I do have one question though, where is the first part of the story (I don't see it in this section)?The first part is here (http://www.jref.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18205)and is located a little lower down the page if you have the page set to see all threads of the past year.

[Pachipro]

Yes a very very vey good story, as I wrote before, this is something that not everyone can get the chance to actually get to do. Still somehow, when I read this story, It felt like I was there because I could create own pictures in my head of the whole story.

For that I thank you! If not, you made my dreams even bigger to some day actually go to Japan for studies and do lots of stuff that I only could had thought about.
Thank you Alegi for your fine comments and welcome to the forums.

If you were able to to feel like you were there and it made your dreams even bigger to go there some day then I am pleased I made the effort to share my experiences for those that have never been there and to give them a little feel for what it is like.

[mdchachi]

Wow, great story indeed. I found the parallels to your experiences and mine interesting considering that they were about 20 years apart. Not so much has changed in terms of these basic cultural things I guess.

[Pachipro]

Wow, great story indeed. I found the parallels to your experiences and mine interesting considering that they were about 20 years apart. Not so much has changed in terms of these basic cultural things I guess.
Thanks. The funny thing is that I hear the same comment again and again to different stories I've posted. In a way it's nice to know that some aspects of the culture are remaining intact.

For myself, I visit on a yearly basis, and other than the mass construction going on, it really has remained the same for me, especially out in the country where my wife's relatives live.

[Hanneesh]

Truly moving. I believe what you said about things happaning for a reason and i hope i can have as memorable experiences as you when i go.

[Mikawa Ossan]

And the final part!

[chibichibi005]

I read all the installments and I have to say, I cried a little! I love this story! :bow: domo arrigato - thanks for sharing, it's beautiful. Uutsukushi!

[Pachipro]

Thanks again and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Ahega]

Oh my god, this is such a nice story. You wrote it so well! Very lively and detailed. I'm amazed how you still remember all those little things and precious moments.

Reading your story made me feel like I want to experiance and write my own story soon (what will happen in about two weeks)

This truely should be printed as book and I'm sure you've more stories to tell..

[Pachipro]

Reading your story made me feel like I want to experiance and write my own story soon (what will happen in about two weeks)


Thank you. One word of advice is to keep little notes in a pocket diary of your interesting experiences. It's amazing how much you can remember when looking back at them years later from just a few sentences under a particular date.

After this experience I wrote it down as it was so unique to me at the time that I didn't want to forget it.

[Beer Baron]

wow, such a great story. Thanks for sharing. I think actually you were quite open minded for the time. I can see it must have been such an unreal experience for an 18yo in 1975! and I hope Sachiko's brother still has his 1973 skyline as it will be worth a mint today!
I've been to Japan quite a few times now and I love the place, and the people. Had many great experiences there, and I'm sure will have many more. I think anyone that travels to Japan with a TRULY open mind will have at least one, touching, kind, enlightening experience like you did (and like I have).
The fact that you right so eloquently about it is a massive bonus. Very good writing indeed. Thank you so much for sharing it. domo arigto gozaimasu. :bow:

[Pachipro]

Thank you Beer Baron. I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you can, why not share your experience in a new thread. It's always nice hearing others' experiences in Japan.

[Ahega]

Thank you. One word of advice is to keep little notes in a pocket diary of your interesting experiences. It's amazing how much you can remember when looking back at them years later from just a few sentences under a particular date.

After this experience I wrote it down as it was so unique to me at the time that I didn't want to forget it.

I'll keep that in mind ^^ and a little notebook and a pen aren't to heavy to carry

[Beer Baron]

Thank you Beer Baron. I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you can, why not share your experience in a new thread. It's always nice hearing others' experiences in Japan.

Thanks Pachipro. I would like to post something up, but I don't posses your elequonce or writing ability (internet has killed my brain I'm afraid!).

I do have a few funny stories, so perhaps when I straighten them out in my head I'll post some up. :-)

[RubyJewelStone]

That was a great story. Maybe I should try to score with a Japanese woman if I ever get there. (Hmm...but my hetero-ness might pose a problem...)

I read some of this before a year or so back and now I've come back and read the whole thing and it's still as interesting.

Good writing. I enjoyed it.:cool: :13:

[Loader]

I'm thinking about moving to japan here in the near future so was reading the forums and came across your story... and wow, what you went through was incredible. I can only hope i am met with such kindness and generosity when I decide I'm ready to go (after learning more about the culture and customs =D ).
:cool:

[YouHadMeAtASL]

Amazing story, thank you for this. Some very useful information as I will be going to Japan in September to work for Nova. Awesome read though :-)

[Petaris]

That was a wonderfully written story, and very touching as well. Thank you for sharing it with us. :)

ありがとございます。

[jnj]

thank you very much for sharing this story

[kalavinka]

thanks for sharing this. i know it's years later after posting but i just read it all and enjoyed it very much. i imagine this is what it must have been like for my father stationed in japan in the early 70s, dating my mom, etc.

[Pachipro]

It probably was kalavinka. It probably was. TY for taking the time to read it. BTW welcome to the forums!

[RolandtheHeadless]

Nice story. I was in Japan in '75-76, when I was 21, so this has a familiar ring to it.

[RolandtheHeadless]

I do have to add, though, that one part of your story strikes me as really odd -- where you describe the Japanese girl (Sumiko?) undressing in front of you then allowing you to sleep beside her and her sister.

I stayed at half a dozen Japanese homes during that same period, and knew a number of other Japanese people there. If anything, Japanese young ladies of that generation were far more modest than Americans. And the Japanese parents I knew would have been scandalized at thought of a man sleeping in the same room as their daughter. People are, after all, the same in basic human instincts and drives. Japanese parents I knew were no less aware of the risk of unrestrained libidos of young people than anyone else.

But every family is a bit different, even in Japan.

[Pachipro]

Yes, it struck me as really odd and strange which is why I was so shocked, but it happened exactly as I described. Why do you think I was so scared the following morning when I discovered that it was her parents house? But like I said in the story, she already had two other sisters married to US servicemen.

All in all, the entire experience was odd, but it was not the only time a woman took me home on a first date as I'm sure you also experienced back in the day.

As they say, life is stranger than fiction!

[RolandtheHeadless]

I didn't mean to doubt you, only to point out that your experience seems atypical.

No, I had no experience with Japanese women I'd just met inviting me home for the night. Could be that I'm not as good-looking as you.

Or maybe because I went to Japan with my Japanese fiance (now my wife), who always had the say on who I went home with. lol

[YouHeDad]

How similar do you think the story would be if it happened today?

[Gnarf]

I realize that this story and thread is quite old, but since Im new here I haven't read it until now. I really enjoyed the story, it is very interesting and good written. I would just like to thank you for sharing, even if it is three years after you wrote it :)
:cool:

[KPM]

I'm another new member who has stumbled across this story and would like to thank you for a wonderful insight into Japanese culture.

Really a great read.... and it made me have eggs and toast for lunch! (its 14:30 here)

[st7]

Very sweet story.

[Pachipro]

Thank YOU for taking the time to read it! Glad you enjoyed it.

[Giostigma]

Wow. Thanks man. Im heading to Japan this summer and reading this gets me all excited. It was a great story too. Actually it was amazing. It helped me understand allot of stuff.

[lullemans72]

Nice story. I was asking myself if I should post a personal story that I've had while in Japan. Mine was less positive though.

[Pachipro]

Nice story. I was asking myself if I should post a personal story that I've had
while in Japan. Mine was less positive though.
Please post it if you want. All experiences, good and bad, are welcome. It gives others a slice of life in Japan and, as we all know, experiences are not always pleasent.

[lullemans72]

Please post it if you want. All experiences, good and bad, are welcome. It gives others a slice of life in Japan and, as we all know, experiences are not always pleasent.

Alright then. The story I'm about to tell is one about a person who is, in my eyes at least, a very manipulative person. Something that in my eyes demonstrates Japanese hypocrisy extremely well. I've tried to give an account that was as detailed as possible.

This incident happened to me about 2 years ago when I was studying abroad in Japan for a year. I remember it was July 2007 and the lessons at my language school had finished, so we had about a two week break or something. I decided to go and visit some friends and my former hostfamily (from when I had previously been in Japan a few years prior).
I spent a day or two there, and then I also went up to Tokyo to visit the son of my hostmother's friend (let's call him Shin), who was a university student, about a year younger than me. He lived in an appartment in Machida, near Tokyo, which is where I stayed for about three nights.
I actually saw him the day before he went back to Tokyo, in his hometown (which was the first place I visited). He was the one who picked me up from the station, but he was accompanied by his friend, who was the driver. I stayed at Shin's house for the night since my own hostmother seemed ill at that the time, so Shin's mother let me stay at her house instead. Shin's friend, the one who picked me up the station, also joined us for dinner with Shin's family that evening, and stayed overnight as well. We had a good time. We ate, drank and just chilled. That evening, I knew Shin was going back to Tokyo the next day
because he had to attend classes, and I asked him whether it was OK for me to join in on one of his university classes, because I wanted to see what classes in Japan were like. Shin said that he'd ask his professor and see whether I could join in.

The next day, I woke up in the morning and Shin had already left for Tokyo. I took the train for Tokyo in the late afternoon and arrived at Machida in the evening. Once arrived at the station, I went over to his appartment, which was just a few minutes from the station on foot. At his place, we ate pizza together, which I had offered to pay since they had been so nice as to let me stay at their house, and because Shin would let me stay at his appartment and all. I noticed that Shin was quite relaxed, surfing the internet, watching videos on youtube, listening to music, smoking, and drinking his alcohol. I later found out that this is how most university students actually spend their evenings.

Afterwards, Shin said he had to go to the supermarket, and I decided to join him since I also had to get some stuff for breakfast the next morning. So we hopped on his motorcycle, one that was quite large as I remember it, and quite noisy too. I put on my helmet and hopped on the back, and off we went to the supermarket. I had the feeling that he was driving a bit fast, but then again, I hadn't ever sat on the back of someone's motorcycle before. When we got to the supermarket, we walked around a bit, he got some stuff he needed, and I got some breakfast cereal and milk for the coming days. We then also passed by the alcohol aisle, and he introduced me to this 'nigori sake', something I hadn't heard about before, but wanted to try out now that he had told me about it. So I took one of those nigori sake bottles from the shelves and put it in the cart he was carrying. After we had paid for everything at the cash register, we put all the stuff in bags. I recall that we had two bags, one heavy and one less heavy. I also noticed that he had bought quite a few bottles of booze. Since he was the one driving, I'd carry the heavy bag while he carried the lighter one so it would be easier for him to drive. When we got outside and hopped back on his motorcycle and were ready to drive off, I told him 'don't drive too fast, alright?'. I mean, I did have the feeling that he was driving pretty fast the first time, let alone now with two heavy bags. There was no compartment to store the bags in or anything, it was just me holding a heavy bag in one hand while grasping on to his motorcycle while he had tied the other bag to the handle of his motorcycle. He still drove back at the same speed as the first time, and I was seriously scared. Also come to think of it, I never did ask him exactly how fast he was driving.

Eventually we got back to his place, and while sorting the things from the bags, I paid him back for the nigori sake. I remember giving him a 1000 yen bill. I don't remember the exact price of the bottle anymore but I assume it was slightly under 1000 yen.
We spent the rest of the evening watching a Japanese movie on his TV. I remember the movie was called 'alzheimer' and was about this man who was diagnosed with alzheimer, and how it impacted his personal and professionnal life. Both me and him dozed off halfway during the movie, and finally we decided to go to bed. He slept on his bed, and I slept in this narrow pantry where he had laid out a mattress for me. Just 4 x 1 meters or so. Quite narrow, but I managed to get some sleep anyway.

The next day, I woke up, had breakfast, and Shin said he had to go to class. He seemed to be in a hurry, so he was going to go there by motorcycle. I asked him if I could sit behind him like yesterday, but he said that I couldn't. His university didn't approve of students going to school by motorcycle, it upsets them (yet he was doing it anyway). Instead he told me to take the university bus from the station. It was free for university students anyway, and there was a bus leaving every 5 minutes or so. Since he was in a rush to get to school, I decided to take the bus since it was free anyway. So I went over to the station, got on a pretty packed bus, and about 5 minutes later, I arrived at his university. I tried to look around and see if I could find him. I thought about calling him for a moment, but since he seemed in such a hurry that morning to get to class I decided not to call him and just let him be. Since I didn't really have any place to go, I walked around campus a bit, checked out the different buildings, and went for a stroll around the area just outside the university. After that it had gotten close to lunchtime, so I decided to get something to eat. Afterwards I went back to the university and went to the media center to surf the internet.

The reason why I was in the media center in the first place was because I was waiting for an email from one of my Japanese teachers at my language school. My attendance rate in class had dropped over the past month and a half, due to a number of personal reasons. I had emailed him to try and explain my situation to him, but when I finally read his response, it said that it wasn't possible for me to move up to the next class seeing as I had a very low attendance rate. I was very upset about that because my teacher didn't understand my situation. He didn't understand what I had been through, what the cause was of my attendance rate significantly dropping. I printed out the email that he had written to me and put it in my bag. I then took my cellphone and mailed Shin to ask him if he was still in class. He mailed back, said that he was on his way back to his place, and told me to get on the bus. So that's what I did, and about 10 minutes later I was back at his appartment.

When I arrived, he was getting ready to go to work. Apparently he worked part-time at a cram school a number of times a week as an assistent-teacher or something. He also had one of his friends over at his place while he was getting ready. I only exchanged a few words with his friend. Shin and him were planning on going to Tokyo the next day, and I said that maybe we could meet up all three of us. Our conversation pretty much ended there, and Shin and his friend left the appartment and headed off to work. Shin wouldn't give me the key to his appartment, so I had the choice to either stay in his appartment or go to a manga cafe nearby until he eventually came back from work. I chose to stay at his appartment. It was in the afternoon that he had left for work, and I remember spending the next several hours watching TV, sleeping, and reading over my Japanese teacher's email again.

I then did something I would come to regret very much. After I had read my teacher's email and thought about what I was going to do, I nonchalantly left it on Shin's table in the main room. As I continued to just chill in his appartment, I sortof forgot about the fact that I had placed that paper on the table, not thinking that it wasn't a very smart move. I should have put it back in my bag immediately.
Shin came back later that evening from work, and he had brought dinner for us. One of those soba kind of lunch boxes you could get at the local combini. While eating, he said that another friend of his would be coming over soon. For some reason or other, he told me to go out for a walk to get some fresh air. I didn't think anything of it at the time, since I was actually in the need of some fresh air anyway after sitting in his appartment for all those hours, but looking back at it, it did strike me as odd. Why would he want me to go out for a walk before his friend shows up? Was he trying to hide something from me?

Again, at the time I didn't think too much about it and just put on my shoes and went out for a stroll.
I was just going straight on in one direction all the time, trying to walk as far as I could, looking at the Japanese style houses in the night, observing the stars in the dark sky, and telling myself how lucky I was to be in Japan.

I must have been away for at least an hour, probably an hour and a half when Shin mailed me and said that his friend was at his place now. I mailed him back and said that I would return to his appartment right away. About 20 minutes or so later, I was back at Shin's place.

And so I met his friend. He was Shin's senpai at the juku where he was working. Although I never really asked him his age, I could clearly tell that he was a few years older than me and Shin. He seemed like a nice guy. We started off talking about music, what he liked, what I liked etc. and eventually we were showing each other songs and videos on youtube that we liked. I had noticed that Shin's friend didn't really speak a whole lot. My observation was that he was a good listener, and because of that, I was very enthusiastic about showing him more of the stuff I liked.

I can't quite recall when, but during the time his friend had come over, Shin said that he had read the email from my Japanese teacher and asked me if everything was OK at school. I was shocked to hear him ask, because it didn't concern him. But I was equally shocked that I had been so nonchalant and left that email that was very personal, on his coffee table instead of putting it away. I was a bit irritated and told him that it wasn't any of his business and that he shouldn't go off reading people's personal stuff. He just replied with 'but it was on my table'.

A little while later, Shin's friend left, and me and Shin went to the door to see him off.
It had gotten rather late. I was tired and wanted to get some sleep, but Shin started asking me a bunch of questions about what he had read in my email. He asked me what was going on at school, why I had been absent so much lately. Of course, even Shin didn't know my actual situation. He was only seeing it through the eyes of my Japanese teacher, who himself had completely missed the point. Shin started lecturing me about what was right and wrong, about the fact that I shouldn't be begging my teacher to let me move up to the next class since that was 'hazukashii'. He started talking to me in a rather hostile tone, as if I had just commited some kind of crime, or as if I had just insulted him pretty badly. I didn't talk back to him or try to explain my entire situation to him since I was very tired and just wanted to sleep, plus explaining everything to him would take far too long and I didn't feel that it was any of his business anyway. After his lecture, he told me to go to sleep. But as I turned in, Shin turned on the stereo in his room and started playing really loud music. I didn't understand what he was trying to accomplish by doing that, but I could tell for sure that he was doing it do annoy me, and quite frankly, I thought that was very childish.

The next day we were supposed to go to Tokyo and meet up with Shin's other friend. As we walked towards the station, Shin said that he didn't want to talk to me until I had made a change of mind. It was starting to tick me off now since whatever my problem was at school, it didn't concern him for a minute. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't stop making such a big deal over this. It was my problem afterall, not his or not anybody else's.

He said that he had some stuff to do in Tokyo and that we could meet up in Shinjuku afterwards, so we split up. But even when we met up again, he wouldn't stop hassling me about it. I got annoyed all the more, but kept hoping that he would just forget about it.
However, now he started saying that he would call his mother and my former hostmother to tell them all about what had happened to me...

I had to get to the bank in Shinjuku to withdraw some money off my bank account. I entered the bank, and a staff member told me that I needed to be on a lower floor for my business. Shin sat in a chair waiting on the ground floor while I went downstairs. It was pretty crowded. It took some 10 minutes before I was being taken care of by bank staff.

Suddenly, I got an email from Shin saying that he was leaving because it was taking too much time and he had work today. We had planned on hanging out in Tokyo together, and then all of a sudden he tells me he's leaving me behind and makes up an excuse. I was getting really sick of him acting all stupid about this, I really was. But I wasn't going to lower myself like him, I thought. So I mailed him back saying 'well, okay, I'll just be around in Tokyo til you get back from work'. Just when I thought that this entire charade was finally over, it got worse.

He mailed back and said that I didn't have to bother coming back. I was wondering, was this guy serious? How far is he willing to go? It's incredible...He then lashed out at me saying that I wasn't a thankful person, that he was very angry at me for my actions and whatnot. At that point, I had the feeling that things were going to get worse before they got any better. On top of that, there were some kanji I couldn't read in the mail he sent me, and when asking him what they meant, he said 'oi oi, ore ha america de nihongo wo kiita koto ha ichidomo nai zo. amaeru na'. Honestly, the more he talked to me like that, the less I cared about what he had to say. The last thing Shin said to me was 'I'll talk once you get back'

So now he had left me behind, and I was alone in Tokyo. I was going to meet with some friends that evening in Shinjuku to have dinner with. We went to a Chinese restaurant. There was my friend, and some of his friends I hadn't met before. While eating, I discretely told him about the messages Shin had sent me that day and explained what was going on. I thought perhaps he could help me explain Shin's unusual behavior. So my friend told me that Shin was worried about me, which is why he was so angry. He also said something about Shin being a 'special' person. But he added that I didn't need to worry about it, that it was going to be OK.

I then 'tried' to understand Shin's way of reasoning, and so I thought that it was going to be OK in the end, I thought that we could put this behind us once I got back to his appartment.
However, I was wrong, again. Once I got back was when the worst things happened.
I came back to his appartment, and pressed to bell beside the door. Nobody opened. I then wondered if he was doing this on purpose, because I knew that he had already gotten back from work. I called him, he picked up the phone and I asked why he didn't open the door. A few seconds later he opened up, and I asked why he didn't open the door the when I rang the bell the first time. He said he was wearing his ear phones and didn't hear the bell. I seriously doubted that, and thought that it was another one of his shenanigans.

I entered his appartment, and sat down on his couch. He was sitting on his bed, and I sat across from him in the room. There was only one light in the room that was lit, and it was the one right next to his bed. Other than that, the room was pretty dark, since it was probably past 11 pm.
I wanted to know once and for all why Shin was so upset about everything. Then I came to understand that he was angry over two things. The first one being my so-called 'bad' behavior at school (which let me remind you, he knew nothing of), and the second one, my behavior in the past few days since I was visiting. The second bit took me by surprise, I had absolutely no clue as to what I could possibly have done wrong in the past 3-4 days, but I was about to find out. Before he would speak up, though, he explained about the words I didn't understand in the mail he had sent me earlier that day. I said he could have not been a ***** and explained it to me so I could understand what he was talking about. But get this, he said 'this is Japan, we speak Japanese here. It's very strange if you speak English!'
Next thing I knew, he got up from his bed, grabbed something that looked like a teddy bear, walked to the middle of the room, raised his voice, and hysterically screamed 'iikagen ni shiro temee' while smashing the teddy bear as hard to the floor as he could. He went on and told me that he had already informed his mother and my former hostmother about what had happened to me at school. I asked him exactly how much he had told them, and he said 'I told them everything'. I didn't like that. Especially not since I knew my hostmother was ill, and she didn't need to know about this. But his sorry argument was that she was my 'second mother', which was true, but not that even my second mother needed to know everything I did.

He started explaining to me that he found my behavior towards his friends very insulting. I seemed to have forgotten to thank his friend for the ride he gave me when he picked me up at the station a couple of days before. That, and the fact that I hadn't talked to his friend in formal Japanese when I first met him. Indeed, I guess I had forgotten to thank him for the ride. My bad. The formal Japanese thing, I didn't use because his friend didn't use it to me either. To that, Shin answered 'that's because you didn't use it'
....

Next, he said that I also hadn't used polite Japanese to his friend I briefly met that day I came back from his university and Shin was getting ready to go to work. He continued saying that I also hadn't used polite Japanese to his senpai from work. He said that it was extremely surprising that I hadn't learned to speak polite Japanese to people I meet for the first time after having been in Japan for almost a year. The truth is, I knew darn well to speak to strangers using polite Japanese, and I've already had Japanese people speak to me in casual Japanese while I addressed them politely. But the main reason why I hadn't used polite Japanese to his friends was because I thought his friends were my friends, and there wasn't any real need to be so polite. I had also noticed how with some of my friends who would meet each other for the first time, one of them would speak polite Japanese, while the other one wouldn't, and it seemed to be OK. Maybe I should have spoken to all of them in polite Japanese from the beginning, especially Shin's senpai. However, I thought it was actually OK not to use polite Japanese to Shin's friend that accompanied him to work since he was younger than I was. I thought, if anything, he should have spoken polite Japanese to me, not the other way around.

Moving on, he said that Japanese people don't see me as a foreigner, but as Japanese person, which is exactly why he thought my behavior was so strange. And he said he had asked his senpai what he thought about me the next day he had gone to work. Shin asked
me 'you wanna know what he thinks about you? He thinks your behavior was very strange! He said 'nanda sono taido...', that's what he thinks about you'
Next thing that Shin brought up about my 'bad' behavior was the fact that he said I seemed to disregard other people's opinions. Whenever he said something, I would always contradict him and say that he was wrong, and that only my opinion mattered.
That made him mad.

Next he said that he didn't appreciate that evening we went to the supermarket together. He didn't like it when I just took the sake bottle from the shelves and put it into his cart. It made him feel as if he was going to have to pay for it. Furthermore, he didn't like it either when I told him not to drive too fast. He said that he was the driver, and he had a hard time already driving and holding on to one of the bags, so my comment was not appreciated. He also said that he wasn't driving faster than the speed limit, which was 30 km/hour.

Meanwhile, Shin had gotten himself something to drink. He also poured me a glass of rum coke and said 'rum coke, nome', and went back to his bed and sat down. He then lit a cigarette and smoked it while continueing the confrontation. I felt like I was some sort of criminal who had just committed a series of serious crimes and was being questioned by a police inspector, especially with the light shining behind him. That's the kind of atmosphere I was in. I'd also like to add that Shin kept speaking to me in a very hostile tone. My gut eeling told me he wanted to tear me down instead of pointing out my mistakes and try to help me.

Then he tried to link my behavior from the past few days with my absence at school. He was claiming that this was the product of my bad attitude. He then went on and told me that I had to tell him I'd finally gotten a change of mind. If I said I hadn't, he would beat me, because if words wouldn't make me understand, force would have to make me understand. I was terribly shocked when I heard that. Why on earth would he even think of hitting me? He continued by giving lectures on life and on what he does to be a good person, by talking and listening to people's opinions, reading books, attending debates, and respecting his superiors. All the stuff that I, according to his humble opinion, didn't do. He gave me compliments every now and then, saying how great I was, followed immediately by insults. I remember him calling me a brat for my unacceptable behavior.
His excuse for making it okay to insult me so badly was, and check this, because I was like
a brother to him. In his own words, 'kyoudai no you ni shinpai shiteru'.

After almost two hours of torture, he must have felt that I had had enough, and we went to bed. I thought to myself 'is THIS what Japanese culture is all about? Is THIS what Japanese people are really like? In that case, they're all monsters. All of them. They're absolutely insane and a very dangerous race, a threat to humanity. There's no excuse...'

The next morning, I got woke up, took a quick shower, got dressed, and we left the house.
I had asked him for some directions on how to get to Nihonbashi because I needed to get to the bank yet again, and he quickly looked up how to get there on his cellphone. I then thanked him for letting me stay at his place, and gave him a solid handshake. He told me that I shouldn't give hard handshakes to Japanese people. It's not considered very polite in Japan. I said I'd take note of that, and he started his motorcycle and headed off to class as I went my own way.

This entire experience is something that I will not forget. It's something that will probably stay with me for a long time to come. Looking back at all of this, I would like to express my own opinion on this matter.
First of all, I can say with certainty that I have lost every ounce of respect I've ever had for Shin. He literally treated me like dirt with all he put me through. My conclusion is that although some things that he said may have been true, the way he said it on, and the extent to which he complained, is what made me lose all my respect for him.

He kept going on about how wrong I was and how I should take him as an example, but look at him. He drinks alcohol every day, hardly ever studied (at least not from what I saw), smokes all the time, takes his motorcycle to school even though he's not supposed to and even though he could get to school for free by bus. All he ever did in his appartment was listen to music, watch videos on youtube, play his guitar, drink and smoke. And this guy is trying to lecture me? Give me break. Furthermore, I really did NOT appreciate the fact that he went on and told everybody about my so-called bad behavior at school. This was no one's business but mine, but that SOB spread the word around to everyone.

And then there's the bit where he said the Japanese people don't see me as a foreigner, well I can tell you that's probably THE biggest lie I've ever heard. Because we all know that Japanese people don't see us as one of them. Even those who have been living in Japan for years and speak Japanese to near fluency, even those are never really considered to be one of 'them'. So his comment that Japanese don't see me as a foreigner is total BS. All the other Japanese people I had met in Japan always kept on telling me that I didn't need to worry about Japanese customs too much because I was a foreigner. I would be forgiven for it most of the time.

On that matter, when I think about when he said that I disregarded others' opinions and only thought of my own opinions as the correct ones, well, just look at him again. Did he show any respect for my opinions? Did he value them or anything like that? No no no and no, he did not, he disregarded every single one of them. Everything I ever said was wiped off the table, as if my opinions had no value, only his. And what about when he said that in Japan you have to speak Japanese, well again, HE was the one who actually spoke English to me on several occasions. Like when we were walking to the bank in Shinjuku, he started talking to me in English because he thought I didn't understand him (which wasn't the case), and I thought man why is he speaking to me in English, that's weird. Also, he never ever contacted me since I left Japan 2 years ago. And yet he was going on about how much of a brother I was to him. That's sheer hypocrisy for you....

And about all the other things he complained about, at the supermarket, the sake bottle, his motorcycle, etc. is just beyond my comprehension. I don't know how this guy could live a normal life if all he could ever do is complain about every little thing he encounters. If I had to go through life like he did, I'd have committed suicide with all the things I'd complain and worry about.

I've often thought that there was something wrong with me after all he put me through, but reflecting back on everything, I refuse to believe that I was at fault. It's his fault, and he gives Japanese people a bad name, a very very bad name. Even now I'm still extremely angry at him for all of this. It's still very much beyond my comprehension how someone can just turn on you and become a complete inhumane monster. I never talked or heard from him since I left Japan.

This was one of my bad, if not the worst experience I've had in Japan. It goes far beyond anybody's belief of discrimination in Japan. Hypocrisy is the word, pure sheer hypocrisy, tyranny. I sincerely hope that no one ever has to go through what I've been through. But in case anyone ever experiences something similar, I'd like to give you a piece of advice: stand your ground, fight back. Don't just sit there and agree with a Japanese person that is treating you like this, because they're pure hypocrits, and they deserve to be contradicted all the more. And if they go as far as threatening to use violence on you, then you go ahead and get physical if you have to, because that's what they deserve.
As of now, I hope I never have to see him again. But if I ever do, I'll know how to salute him...

[lullemans72]

Hi again,

I hope some people got to read the post I made here above last week.
If you would like to respond or share your views, please do so.
They are very much appreciated.

[Pachipro]

Well that is an an interesting and detailed story for sure and one that is very difficult to comment on as the parties concerned are unknown to the reader.

During my years in Japan I've had my own disagreements/misunderstandings with Japanese concerning behavior, language, customs, etc and some of them have led to arguments and us parting ways, but it did not make me paint the whole culture with one brush stroke as being irrational and hypocritical.

As in any culture, people are people and no two act in the same manner and a clash of cultures can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.

In a way I can understand where you are coming from and I could also, to a point, understand where Shin is coming from based on what you wrote as I believe I have a deeper understanding of Japanese culture and thinking. But, since I know neither of the parties concerned personally, I will refrain from commenting save for the one point that you should've been honest with Shin as to the reasons why you could not attend school since you left the e-mail in full view for him to read. That would've showed him that you are indeed a friend of his and trust him enough to confide in him as he said that he felt like your brother and was hurt that you were not forward and honest with him.

It was your choice to keep it to yourself, and that is your right, but being upfront with Shin may have made things a bit more smoother. I don't know. However, if it were me, I believe I would've been honest with him and let him know the reasons why I couldn't attend school as he was a "friend" and was my host 'brother' for a while. But, as I said previously, there are more extenuating circumstances that I am not privy to so it is really difficult to comment.

All I can say is to not let this one experience with one Japanese person turn you off to the whole Japanese culture and their people.

[lullemans72]

Well that is an an interesting and detailed story for sure and one that is very difficult to comment on as the parties concerned are unknown to the reader.
During my years in Japan I've had my own disagreements/misunderstandings with Japanese concerning behavior, language, customs, etc and some of them have led to arguments and us parting ways, but it did not make me paint the whole culture with one brush stroke as being irrational and hypocritical.
As in any culture, people are people and no two act in the same manner and a clash of cultures can sometimes lead to misunderstandings..
Hello. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Well, I wanted the parties to stay unknown, but at the same time I tried to make it as detailed as possible so that the identities of both me and Shin would be irrelevant at this point. I didn't write off the entire culture as hypocritical. It did happen in the beginning right after the incident, though, but now I know better. However, at the same time, Japanese are far more homogeneous than Westenrers, so even though every person is different, I sometimes have a sneaking suspicion that most Japanese probably think like him. But I do hope I'm wrong, because I've met some really nice people out there as well.


In a way I can understand where you are coming from and I could also, to a point, understand where Shin is coming from based on what you wrote as I believe I have a deeper understanding of Japanese culture and thinking. But, since I know neither of the parties concerned personally, I will refrain from commenting save for the one point that you should've been honest with Shin as to the reasons why you could not attend school since you left the e-mail in full view for him to read. That would've showed him that you are indeed a friend of his and trust him enough to confide in him as he said that he felt like your brother and was hurt that you were not forward and honest with him.
It was your choice to keep it to yourself, and that is your right, but being upfront with Shin may have made things a bit more smoother. I don't know. However, if it were me, I believe I would've been honest with him and let him know the reasons why I couldn't attend school as he was a "friend" and was my host 'brother' for a while. But, as I said previously, there are more extenuating circumstances that I am not privy to so it is really difficult to comment. All I can say is to not let this one experience with one Japanese person turn you off to the whole Japanese culture and their people.
Just a small detail, but he actually wasn't my hostbrother. He was the son of my former hostmother's friend. But I guess you are right in that I could have been more honest with him, but listen, I would have talked to him about why my attendance rate had plunged if I felt like I needed help, or if I felt open enough to talk to him about it, which I did NOT. My 'regular' friends from the west (or non-japanese friends), even if they were worried about me etc. would never harrass me like he did. They would try to talk to me and try to make me realize that something needed to change, but it would end there. Never would anyone talk down to me for several days, throwing insults and even threatening to use violence on me. That's virtually unheard of, and that's where you draw the line between friendship. I think what he said about being brothers, is nonsense to me. I feel like it was more of an excuse (one of those 'double standard' things that Japanese often use) to lash out at me. He certainly hasn't once tried to get in touch with me in 2 years since I left Japan. He wanted to create a massive scene, and saying that I was like a brother to him was just an excuse that in his eyes, it was OK to be all arrogant.

In the end, it just boils down to the fact that I did not want to talk to him about it. He had to respect that, but he didn't. If he was anything like a real brother, or even a friend, he would have respected my space. I'm not writing off the entire Japanese society, but hey, they are doing just that with foreigners, aren't they? If one foreigner is bad, all foreigners are bad.

[bamboo1986]

this is great stories

[Chidoriashi]

Lullemans72> Quite honestly this Shin guy definitely feels a little eccentric. I could totally see him acting like he did, because I have seen Japanese people act this way, but they are honestly a little weird to me and definitely do not comprise a majority. I also have never seen anybody over 30 act how you described him treating you.

Now, as far as you leaving your message on his table, yeah that was careless of you and if I were you I would not have scolded him for looking at it. It was his house and it was not like he rummaged through your luggage or looked through your wallet to find it. I cannot help but think that if you had not been cross with him for looking at it, that he might have not reacted how he did. You may have made him feel embarrassed, and this was his way of making you the bad guy not him. I don't really know, I was not there so it is hard to comment, also not knowing all the details about what he read in the mail makes it difficult to understand where he may have been coming from. Didn't somebody also comment to you that Shin was a "special" person. If that is true I would think that would give you some indication about him.

In any case I must agree with Pachipro that though this may have been a crappy experience for you that I would not write off Japan just based on this one weirdos actions. I really do sympathize with you though. It sounded like a goofy/creepy situation, and the reason you probably did not defend yourself was because you were at his place. I would imagine you would have laid the smack down had he been treating you like that at your place. I know that's what I would have done.

[Grampus]

Hello. I'm new to this forum and I registered just now so I could say something about your story. My only problem with it is...I could only find the final page. However, what I did read was almost enough to make a grown man cry. It was such a romantic and well-written piece. I loved it.

I am a technophobe, so can you tell me without using computerish words how I can read the story from the beginning?

Julian from Canada.

[Grampus]

That was an excellent story, and like others, I'm amazed at how much you remember from such a long time ago. Your introduction to Japan was so different from mine, being thrown into it like that. I first studied the language for about a year and a half, along with the culture. I had some Japanese friends to tell me all about the things I need to know to prepare myself as well.

I started off staying with a friend for two weeks in Osaka to help me get acclimatised before heading off on my own on a cross country backpacking/train excursion. Therefore, by the time I was on my own in Japan, I knew a bit about the language, I knew about the culture and I had been shown the ropes by my friend and his family who were extremely kind to me.

It's amazing how much Japan has changed since you were first there, but it's also amazing to think how much it has stayed the same. From no-flush toilets to the ones they have today...I had one with a remote for christ's sake. Who needs a remote for a toilet, am I going feel an urge to flush while I'm in the kitchen?

Keep writing. It's a wonderful gift to have.

[Pachipro]

Hello Grampus and welcome to the forum. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I remember it so well because I made notes when it happened and I did not want to forget such a unique experience. Also, something like that is hard to forget including the details.

It's amazing how much Japan has changed since you were first there, but it's also amazing to think how much it has stayed the same.
I also wrote a story mentioning the same thing. You can read about it here (http://www.jref.com/forum/blog.php?b=9)

[Grampus]

The first time I went to Japan, I tried to keep a diary in Japanese. About a year later I translated it from really bad Japanese to what I sure hope is good English. I recommend to anyone travelling anywhere to keep at least some notes if not an actual journal.

[Pachipro]

I recommend to anyone travelling anywhere to keep at least some notes if not an actual journal.
Yes, those little black pocket diaries sold in Japan are well worth it for keeping small notes and I still have mine. One of these days I'll have to dig them up again and post what I experienced. In one of my pocket diaries I looked at a few months ago I remember being shocked that I made 221,000 yen and change from teaching English part-time (no more than 4 hrs/day, but usually 2), 5 days a week when I was a student, not to mention the other experiences. That was a helluva lot of money back then!

[Chidoriashi]

Holy crap Pachipro.. you are talking 70s too here right? factor in the dollar to yen exchange if you were to send it back and you really could have been living large.

Well, those days will never come back, but you can still make some good extra spending money teaching English here though that is for sure.