Why japanese students in usa feel lonely??

[pinson27]

She's in her 30's. just met her through craiglist. i posted an ad, she responded. She said I've been here 1 month and i don't know any americans. Ok, but she has her host family and all the friends in her English school. so i don't understand why she wuld feel lonely as to actively search for me, a total stranger in craigslist?

I mean, if she has a host family. it's them, plus they then introduce her to their friends and stuff. why would they want to meet a stranger from the internet with whom they have no connections?

Anyways its fine because i could never meet a Japanese person otherwise.
Just wondering.

[maushan3]

She just came and she just might feel a little bit closed to the culture in the U.S. Maybe there aren't any Japanese people she can identify with, probably. But, when you stop and think, this craiglist is kind of the ads people post on Jref Friends (on the ad banner on top of page) or any other page like in japan-guide or you name it! They are just looking for more friends, that's it. I haven't done it, I don't like it, but, you know, to each his own.

Just because you think one Japanese student who just got to the U.S. is lonely, doesn't mean that all Japanese students in America are lonely.

Mauricio

[Dutch Baka]

Just because you think one Japanese student who just got to the U.S. is lonely, doesn't mean that all Japanese students in America are lonely.


Agree, with this one here. I have some Japanese friends who where everything besides lonely in America and Australia (and the friends they had were not Japanese).

I feel lonely in Japan so now and then, even though I have my wife I don't have my Dutch friends in here and my family from back home, logical I think.

[Uncle Frank]

I watched over a female Japanese student here in Maine for 4 years while she attended the uni here. She complained about all the boys being after her too much. She wanted to be serious and study and work on her future, not deal with a love life. I don't think she ever complained of being lonely or homesick. Guess each and every person is a bit different.

Uncle Frank

:-)

[yukio_michael]

She's in her 30's. just met her through craiglist. i posted an ad, she responded. She said I've been here 1 month and i don't know any americans. Ok, but she has her host family and all the friends in her English school. so i don't understand why she wuld feel lonely as to actively search for me, a total stranger in craigslist?Wait, YOU posted the ad, looking for companionship, and you are questioning HER motives in responding to you... I think you're missing the point of the whole process... you seem to have gotten what you wanted out of the deal. Also, I think it's rather audacious to think that she simply feels lonely for answering your ad.

I mean, if she has a host family. it's them, plus they then introduce her to their friends and stuff. why would they want to meet a stranger from the internet with whom they have no connections?Maybe she wants friends outside of those that are introduced to her by her host family, I know that I would have liked to have my own independent friends while living in Japan.

Anyways its fine because i could never meet a Japanese person otherwise.Answer me this, how on earth would we, the members of this forum know what the rationale was behind a random person answering your ad on craigslist were? We can suppose, but maybe you should you know, talk to her get to know her as a friend, and I recommend you not come on full on with the Japanese fetish thing... that might sour your deal.

Just some advice.

[TheImmigrantSong]

This guys questions are very amusing to read. :-)

[Dutch Baka]

This guys questions are very amusing to read. :-)

Maybe you should give him some reputation points, or look at your own questions. :-)

[gaijinalways]

Everyone is lonely for different reasons. Coming onto boards looking for friends is not a bad thing. I have met some Japanese that couldn't make the cultural jump (and I am talking about the ones with language skills). I think they're not that unusual.

I certainly can't see myself wanting to be Japanese, but as to enjoying life while I'm here, why not?

[yukio_michael]

Everyone is lonely for different reasons.I'm not speaking for myself, but I think I can say with confidence that not everyone is lonely... for whatever reason, people can live lives devoid of loneliness.

I certainly can't see myself wanting to be Japanese, but as to enjoying life while I'm here, why not?Well, that's a good first start in accepting the fact that you won't ever magically become Japanese.

Just have fun, make a friend, and don't think too much about what lies underneath the whole interaction.

[GodEmperorLeto]

Well, that's a good first start in accepting the fact that you won't ever magically become Japanese.
Not even with a polymorph self spell? Damn you, Gary Gygax! All that occult lore has been studied in vain!

Okay, in all seriousness...

I work for the English Language Institute at the University of Delaware. We get students from all over the world, and I must say that the Asians probably have the most difficult times, but that is for two broad reasons:

1) They are too insular.
2) The University here isn't that conducive to foreign students that aren't university students (i.e. undergrads or grads).

I'll deal with el numero "two" to begin with, then go back to "one".

The ELI isn't attached directly to the university, so there are often homestay programs for the students to join, but the various homestays are hit-or-miss. Some are just there to collect rent money, some actually engage the students and show them around the U.S. Students in the dorms, though, are billetted together on the first two floors of the most remote dormitories on campus, where they are generally (inadvertantly) kept separate from the rest of the student body. I've complained about this to the bureaucracy many times and offered a number of alternatives, along with my co-workers, but for some reason, the powers-that-be in charge of the ELI like this situation (the powers-that-be are a big reason I'm looking for a new job).

American students at the university are also rather snobby. The foreigners often think they are prejudiced against them, but the truth is, they aren't. Or rather, they are, but not for racial reasons, but more social reasons. The girls are the worst. They are genrally the sorority stereotype. There are some exceptions, but they are vastly outnumbered by the snobs. Guys are much more interested in making friends with foreigners, but, like Uncle Frank's friend experienced, a lot of them are chasing tail.

Now there are exceptions, but this is a general trend I've noticed.

Back to my first reason, the Asians are also very insular. They'd rather hang out with other Asians, because they have trouble stepping out of their comfort zone. The South Americans have a much easier time of it, because their cultures (and especially dancing and music) make them seem very exotic and romantic to American men and women. But the Asians often sit together, and I've actually known Americans that were too intimidated to go over and try to get to know them because they all sit together. So in this regard, many Asians need to step out of their comfort zones and take risks. Those who have, discover that many Americans are friendly and open once the ice is broken.

The problem is breaking the ice in the first place.

[Anohito]

Different people are bound to have different reactions to such a situation. The original post does not say how much access she has to people from her own culture. Perhaps her feelings are as much from culture shock as from standard loneliness. Even though she made the decision to come over to the USA (unless her parents convinced her to do it against her better judgment), it seems quite possible to me that she simply may not feel comfortable with American culture (that is probably more common than most Americans would like to realize). Most Americans would probably expect her to withdraw as much as possible in such a situation, but maybe she felt a need to do something relatively drastic in order to acclimatize herself, so to speak, to American culture. The original post does not give us enough information, in my opinion, to say with much confidence what her situation really is.

A person's reactions to being in a different culture can be quite interesting, as I learned in the military. Some military personnel would only interact with the local people in the off-base bars. Some people went so far as to confine their activities to US military installations and perhaps military transportation between those installations.

[yukio_michael]

1) They are too insular.
2) The University here isn't that conducive to foreign students that aren't university students (i.e. undergrads or grads).

I can't say much for Japanese students, I've spoken to a few, I know more in my language group, and when I had the days off enough to go we would all usually study together, and then go out to eat, but we rarely did anything outside of that setting...

I live in a college town, where there may be perhaps at the very least 4 colleges in a 10 mile radius, probably 5... In any case, if you look at the statistics of say Carnegie Mellon University, 70% of the foreign students there are Asian... I would gather that most of them stick to themselves.

I'll say that there is probably a large, if not largest contingency of Korean students here, and except for ones whom I know speak fluent English, or may even be born in the United States, I have yet to see a single non-Korean person with them, and we are talking about a group of say 10-15 Koreans walking down the street at any given time... from what I've noticed, I'm assuming they are student's who funded their own educations, and they seem to treat their education in the United States as both an education, and a vacation.

I've been to a party with med-students, not an especially party-hardy lot there, I can tell you, and I tried to (along w/ some others) engage in some Chinese students whom had isolated themselves out on the porch... One even doubted that what we were giving her was real beer... No, this is a college party, we all expect people to be drinking "real" beer...

So yes, I think the problem is that there is a self-imposed insularity amongst Asians, and I don't think it is always a case of oh let me call it disdain, because I've witness some very rude behavior across the board from many different foreign students, not just Asians...

I think language plays a big part, and in the one instance where I was able to help a Japanese student with his pictures, I spoke in Japanese, and even if my Japanese were a little off, he was quite pleased, and smiled, which was the most engaging exchange I've had between foreign students at my workplace...

I think another thing is that most people expect that you know absolutely nothing about their culture... As I said, this isn't something that you should wear on your sleeve, but you'd be surprised at how impressed someone becomes when you tell them that you can most likely understanding the meanings of their names in Chinese or Japanese... it sort of breaks the ice as it were, it also may shock some people to realize that you don't eat hamburgers every day (though, as in Japan, I have a weak-spot for a MacDo double-cheese burger...), and that you can make your own udon, miso, and eat rice on a regular basis...

A Chinese girl I bought a rice-cooker from was quite surprised when my sister told her (as she had walked with me to meet her), that I in fact, eat rice just about every day.

I think it's these gaps of culture, or cultural misunderstanding, I think it's this and chosen or unchosen insularity, hubris, and all manner of things. And just like any human being, someone just might not be interested in meeting you... as cruel as that sounds, it's just the way the world works.