Does a wife control the household finance in Japan?

[JerseyBoy]

I am a single guy. So, some of my colleagues at work sometimes give me some referrals to nice looking women (who are looking for a date or mate).
In Japan, it seems wives control the household finance and the husbands have to relinquish his paychecks and receive the allowance in return.
The questions I would like to ask you are:
1. Are other cultures like this?
2. Do you also see this trend in Japan?
3. How can I keep my stash without getting noticed (or caught) if I end up getting married?

[Uncle Frank]

I turned control of our finances over to my life after we had been married about 3 years, 25 years later, I have no regrets. I don't have to worry about anything and have always had plenty of money in my pocket to get me by. The only regret I have is I have no concept of what things cost.

Uncle Frank

:souka:

[junjunforever]

i think such general sentiment is true, but it is by no mean a law. I know if i ever get married to a japanese lady, im going to keep tabs on all the financial decisions.

[JerseyBoy]

I don't have to worry about anything and have always had plenty of money in my pocket to get me by.
:souka:
Does your wife set that allowance for you? Or, do you set that amount yourself?

[Glenski]

Usually, paychecks are not given to workers in cash. They are direct deposited, so there is nothing to "turn over" to a spouse other than the pay stub.

As a Japanese, Jersey Boy, you should already know the traditional way is for the wife to control the finances of a household. Or have you forgotten?

1. Are other cultures like this? I don't know. Why do you ask? You plan to return to Japan (if you haven't already), so what does it matter?

2. Do you also see this trend in Japan?
It is not a trend. It is a tradition, and in my case, my wife takes care of many home finances simply because she is Japanese and can deal with the paperwork better than me. We jointly and equally make large decisions, though. On the other hand, she always defers to me to ask about things she wants to buy, from socks to stoves, simply because the money comes only from my job. She doesn't work and feels guilty spending "my" money without asking, despite the many times I've told her to just buy certain things withOUT asking.

3. How can you keep your "stash" secret and untouched?
Gee, how thrilling that you'd not trust your spouse! Moreover, how interesting that you'd seek to hide things from her even before you found a woman to get married to. I don't think that bodes well.

[Zaff]

Haha lets face it no matter where you come from the wife controls you.... haha ok jokes aside.... This doesnt just happen in Japan my Nan has always controlled the finances of my Grandad. Its the same with alot of my friends thier wives (or in the case of my female friends them) control the finances in the relationship.

I know it would be easier for me if any future long-term partner controlled my finances for me.. saves me spending it all on nights out or new computers.

[Elizabeth]

i think such general sentiment is true, but it is by no mean a law. I know if i ever get married to a japanese lady, im going to keep tabs on all the financial decisions.
Of course it isn't a matter of have to or don't have to....I know couples that have men in control of the finances simply because they are not confident in their wives abilities to handle painstaking, complicated matters.

It wouldn't necessarily surprise me if that was the type of woman that JerseyBoy also ends up with...:okashii:

[Uncle Frank]

Does your wife set that allowance for you? Or, do you set that amount yourself?

I cash my paycheck and keep $100 for pocket money and give her the rest. At the next paycheck, I put whatever is left of the $100 from the previous week in my gun draw for a stash. The stash slowly builds up so that if I need extra I can draw from it. I've used this system for about 12 years and 99% of the time I have all the cash I need. I always have a Mastercard in the wallet for any emergencies that come up. Works for me.

Uncle Frank

:-)

[dopemills]

That seems like a pretty good idea.

[JerseyBoy]

As a Japanese, Jersey Boy, you should already know the traditional way is for the wife to control the finances of a household. Or have you forgotten?

I posted this thread so that I get the opinions and feedback from people who are from other countries. As I have been out of Japan quite a long time, I just don't go with some of the Japanese traditions anymore.
I am interested in hearing about this topic from the perspective of other cultures. I am curious to know if that wife-controls-the-household-finace is applicable to other cultures.

[SushiShin]

This is a good thread! This was one of the questions i also had in mind, i think its better if men and woman control the household finance and not the wife only. whats the point of marriage? to love and to share things with each other!

:relief: if i'm incorrect please don't shoot me...... :relief:

[Glenski]

Jersey Boy,
Do you really expect to get an accurate sampling of what it's like in other cultures simply by posting on an anonymous discussion forum for Japan? Do some Googling instead, I say.

[Elizabeth]

As I have been out of Japan quite a long time, I just don't go with some of the Japanese traditions anymore.
And you aren't being forced into it whether you had ever left Japan or not. Do what's right for you as a (potential) couple and don't worry so much about whether it's correct in the eyes of any foreign culture or another. I'm sure you're already familiar with the American way of handling money after such an extended life here.


Unless this thread is a backhanded attempt to distance yourself publicly from your heritage and various native traditions that suddenly seem "uncool" or "unmodern" to a newly arrived "expatriate." :okashii:

[GaijinPunch]

Japanese women traditionally know how to do one thing when it comes to money: Save. If you want to put your money to work, you're most likely going to have to do it yourself.

[FrustratedDave]

Japanese women traditionally know how to do one thing when it comes to money: Save. If you want to put your money to work, you're most likely going to have to do it yourself.
Does that include investing in Louis Vuitton handbags, wallets and other accessories, also Guchi, Chanelle and many other brand items? Or were you actually taliking about putting money in a bank? J/K

Thanks God my wife does not buy into that image/brand thing. But yeah she controls the wallet in our family and I have no allowance, but I can buy anything I want when ever I want, all I have to do is ask, it is that simple.

[Taiko666]

I think this is a great thread too.

My preference is a shared account.

Handing over my cash to my partner implies that she's the only one doing all the domestic stuff like shopping, cooking, housekeeping, buying the kids' stuff etc. I've no intention of giving up / escaping from (depending on your viewpoint) those activities.

[JerseyBoy]

And you aren't being forced into it whether you had ever left Japan or not. Do what's right for you as a (potential) couple and don't worry so much about whether it's correct in the eyes of any foreign culture or another. I'm sure you're already familiar with the American way of handling money after such an extended life here.

Going against the cultural norm is a difficult thing to do, especially in the conformist culture such as Japan. Since there are many non-Japanese on this forum who are familiar with Japan, I am just curious to hear from those people on this topic.

[JerseyBoy]

Jersey Boy,
Do you really expect to get an accurate sampling of what it's like in other cultures simply by posting on an anonymous discussion forum for Japan? Do some Googling instead, I say.
Well, in that case, I will look for someone else's post then. I am not looking for any accuracy; this is just a casual inquiry. By the way, Googling won't get you the accurate sampling, either.

[Glenski]

Googling will give you research reports with bigger sample sizes and better demographics, Jersey Boy.

Taiko wrote:
My preference is a shared account.Are there such things here in Japan? I didn't think so. The only way to share, I thought, was to each have an ATM card to the same bank account.

[SushiShin]

hahah i have read here some very funny comments, but what i've seen for so far is that the female always know how to save money.

well thats my opinion :relief:

like i said don't shoot me if i'm completely wrong:relief:

[Taiko666]

Since there are many non-Japanese on this forum who are familiar with Japan, I am just curious to hear from those people on this topic.

I only know a handful of Japanese couples with whom I'm well enough acquainted to be aware of their financial arrangements. And yes, in each case the wife controls the purse strings.

[ArmandV]

^ Maybe this is why I've heard that Japanese men are helpless without a wife?

[Hiroyuki Nagashima]

My father does control the household finance.

By work of father, cases are different.

With many cases,
In the case of Salaryman,
Wife does control the household finance.

[GodEmperorLeto]

This thread is awesome.

My father does control the household finance.
My father always did, as did his father. But they are stereotypical Italian patriarchal-types. However, my Dad's maternal grandfather handed every paycheck to his wife (and they were straight off-the-boat Italian) and she invested in stock and supplemented his income by doing people's laundry and stuff. She was so good at it that they didn't really suffer during the Depression, and in fact, she had enough money stashed away to live until she was 95 and leave bundles to her descendents.

I posted this thread so that I get the opinions and feedback from people who are from other countries....
I am interested in hearing about this topic from the perspective of other cultures. I am curious to know if that wife-controls-the-household-finace is applicable to other cultures.

Traditionally, in America, the husband handed his paycheck over (from what I remember), and the wife took care of household finances. So there is little difference, I guess. I just hope I get a wife who is good with finances. I have a tendency to spend all of my paycheck on books far too often.

And I already mentioned how the stereotypical Italian-American patrirch rules his family (and the finances) with an iron fist, I also gave the counter-example, the Italian matriarch. From what I've seen, Italian-American women that are raised more traditionally tend to be a little tough and very good with money. But I'm pretty much using my own family as a gauge, so take it with a grain of salt.

Googling will give you research reports with bigger sample sizes and better demographics, Jersey Boy.
Yeah, but I think he's after personal stories and descriptions of how it works for each couple, not necessarily an impersonal statistical sampling. A wife could control the finances and run her husband into the poorhouse, and the statistics won't show it, necessarily.

Gee, how thrilling that you'd not trust your spouse!
I'm sorry, but despite the seriousness of your post, this phrase is hilarious. :lol:

[Ewok85]

After 3 months of marriage I have just lost my bankcards to the wife.

Good news is I no longer have to pay the bills and move money around, hehe.

[Pachipro]

My Japanese wife of 22 years has controlled the household finances from the outset and I have not once regreted handing the duties over to her as I knew it was somewhat the norm in Japan.

She pays all the bills and such and all major buying decisions are handled by myself as she feels I am more capable of making the right choices if the money is available. Also, it was I who was responsible for investing the available savings to ensure we made our money work smart for us instead of sitting in a bank making nothing.
Both paychecks over the years were direct-deposited into a joint bank account and neither one of us ever had a private bank account nor have we desired one.

Thanks to her we never have bought, nor do we ever buy anything on credit or financing and that includes cars. If the money was not available, we saved until it was. And today, we have enough cash saved and invested that we can buy anything we desire with cash and that includes a house!

"Private Stash":
From the beginning it was agreed that we would both receive an allowance. Mine was $300/month and hers was $200/month. (Her allowance was by her choice.) This allowance would be what we called "blow money" in that we could use it in any way we saw fit. All other personal expenses like gas for my car, cigarettes, alcohol, clothing, etc. would come out of the household expenses. Our allowance was for personal use and personal use only with no questions asked. If I failed to spend my entire "allowance", it was put in a private stash as Frank mentioned, and today I have over $4,000 stashed away. Therefore, if I desire a new gadget that is not for the house, I just go out and buy it. If I want to blow a couple of hundred at the casino or at pachinko, or go drinking with my buddies, I have it. It has worked well for us over the years.

Granted $300 today is not what it was 20 years ago, and I have argued for a raise, but my wife has saved so well and we have invested well over the years that it really doesn't matter anymore.

In the end, thanks to my wife's handling of the finances and being frugal, (never cheap) and us agreeing to never financing anything, and our agreement of kozukai (Pocket/blow money), we have never had a problem and I have never really given it a second thought. It may not work for other couples, but it worked for us.

Also, my wife was never one to have the name brand hand bags and perfume and such, so I feel we also saved alot because of that as I knew some women who would've drove me broke regardless with their desire for these things.

[ArmandV]

^Mind if I clone your wife? My wife was the complete opposite. She ran us practically into the poorhouse and maxed out our credit cards and secretly got more credit cards. Any wonder why I dumped her?

[kireikoori]

Not something I really know, considering I wasn't in Japan long enough to know about things like that first hand. But I hear that about Japan alot.

Not something I would mind at all, considering money management isn't something I'm fond of doing. So if what I hear about Japan is true, awesome. :cool: