Nice behaviour, but puzzling [Archive] - Japan Forum

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Chi65
Jan 25, 2008, 20:23
Once I am here, I would like to tell you something about a morning with surprises, that left me a bit puzzled:

I came from Korea via speedboat to Fukuoka/Hakata and decided to stay in the Dazaifu youth hostel for two days, where I felt very warmly welcomed. Since someone has left some gifts in form of korean ginseng, but no one seemed to like it there, I was offered to take it, because I reacted positively, when I saw it (I do like ginseng very much indeed). Additionally I got a local gift, that the host usually makes for selling, a wooden bird.
She must have liked me very much, also I had lots of fine talks with the present Japanese there. I must have had something in return, as usual, but forgot, what it was.

When leaving the friendly place for the station, I was picked up by a local middle aged man with a very homely decorated car. He seemed to be alright, and since he asked me, if I am on my way to the station(which was obvious anyhow, also that I came from the youth hostel, he offered to take me to the next better station, where he was heading to anyhow (usually you have to change once, when going to Hakata/Fukuoka, so that was the change-station then). I was very glad with my heavy bag and enjoyed the ride with a brief nice conversation in english.
He even guided me to the entrance, and once I was on the platform, I was suddenly confronted with an excited japanese woman, who almost pressed me to take all her small changes from her purse. Not that I looked poor or so, but she told me, she was on a visit here, coming from the US, and she dearly wanted to make a present. Since all she had at that point, was the coins in her purse, she insisted in passing them on. I was kind of embarrassed, also because everybody was staring at us.
I told her in my best and most friendly way, that I do have enough money for my stay, but it was absolutely hopeless, she definitely did not let me go with this, whyever. She just HAD to pass on a gift, she said. I had no idea, with what I have earned such an attention and kept on resisting to take it, but no chance. She explained, that I will need the change, be it for Taxis or whatsoever (it was my 5th visit in Japan, by the way), and it turned out that the only chance to get out of this situation was to take it, she simply would not give up, no chance at all, and I was a bit suffering under that surrounding attention, not that I can hide anyhow.
By now everybody knew, where we both were coming from, were going to etc., hehe.
She was joyously happy when I finally took it and she left me alone from then on, but she was constantly smiling happily.
But OK, it turned out to be quite an amount of money, and my purse was comletely swollen thereafter. The small change was indeed helpfull during the ride, I must confess.

I am telling you, because I want to know, how you would have reacted, and if anyone has an idea, what the other Japanese might have thought in that situation.

I must confess, I often received little presents during rides, be it from seat neighbours after a nice talk, which was always started from them (I must look very approachable) etc., therefore I always had some postcards with my work and adress with me, which obviously pleased them and also made me happy.
And few times I became the target of travelling schoolclasses, who tried to interview me via camera, mostly good fun, although I am camera shy.

In China, I also often got presents, and it is considered to be unpolite, not to take them. It is already dangerous to say, that you like this and that in someone's home, even if you just mean to appreaciate it, not want to have it. It is best to say this about very big and heavy things, because then they understand, that you can't possibly carry them, hehe.

Anyhow, I was very unsure, if I reacted unpolite, by rejecting the money first, but I had no chance against her anyhow, and the surrounding ones had their theatre-play of the day, I suppose.
Any comments?

:-)

nice gaijin
Jan 26, 2008, 01:43
Wow what a lucky day to meet so many generous people! I think you did the right thing by refusing, then accepting the offer when pressed. It would be strange to seem eager to accept a random unexpected gift like that.

Chi65
Jan 26, 2008, 02:57
Well, I had no choice anyway, but I hardly think, that this was common. she was used to louder behaviour, coming from the US originally. But I was surprised, since I was used to get things from locals, and quietly, but definitely as persistent.
I really did not want to make a scene in front of everybody. . .that was more my concern and made me feel uncomfortable.
But I just remember, that another one, an older and very sweet, slim and tiny man was very happy to meet me in another place, and was also very open and outgoing about it, which was understandable, as I learned later, because he just made friends with another german (a man), spoke german himself, and was obviously full of good experiences with us. He was a biology professor and then invited me to his family in Matsue and showed me around Matsue and Izumo and further, plus gave me many good tips for travelling. He also was painting, like me, and showed me his very good drawings from his own journeys. We stayed friends for many years, met three times, and I am still very thankfull for everything.
Its just, that some Japanese did not fit into the general view of keeping in distance, that I had or was told. They can be very emotional and open, when it clicks, so to say! Feels like: they can't help then, otherwise they would explode or so.
I came to the conclusion, that they are like hidden volcanos, by which they always laughed, when I said this. One little understanding grin in the right moment and wow!
At least I must have given such signals, that I don't mind at times. It was never respectless though, but always surprising.
Also I was openly embraced by an artist at one station, just some unexpected, but very honest bodycontacts, also from complete strangers in baths. There was an honesty in them, while showing their feelings, that made me feel very warm. It was never going any further than just a clear sympathy and added so much to feeling very right and at home there.
Not to mention the countless "sleepers" on my shoulder in public transports, except I really did not like someone, then I had my tricks.
Also during some concerts, preferably with african musicians, I learned about their willingness to show their enthusiasm, which was as much appreciated by the musicians, as I learned. The best audience in the world, worth coming again and again, many said to me.
Hidden volcanoes, highly energetic?
One should be prepared ;-)

And always have something extra in one's pockets, in case of an exchange during travellings.