Cultural Sensativity and Openness... and drawing the line

[Emoni]

This is a fairly serious question, one that is very hard to give a concrete answer for. However, I think it is extremely important to discuss and consider... even beyond just Japan.

Many people who visit Japan, through whatever manner than they visit, are out of their "box" and in another country. They are often advised (and rightly so) to behave with respect, sensitivity, and to be patient and open. They will be dealing with situations they do not know how to react to nor understand. It takes a while to even understand the basics.
... but then what?

Rarely do I hear many people talk about what comes after this. I've spoken with a few "foreign" professors in Japan about this on the side, and it clearly is an issue. At one point do you simply have to draw the line when it comes to certain subjects. Where does the border between cultural sensitivity and personal ethics lie during the times where personal rationality, common sense, and personal values come into play?

Before I go further, let me say that I am NOT advocating rude, insensitive, and awful behavior based on opinion that will risk international incidents. I'm speaking of rational opposition to situations and events with which one has serious moral, ethical, or legal disagreement with. Preferably of course this is after understanding the issue in some depth and keeping one's composure.

I've tried to come up with some examples, but it is late and my brain is not working at its best right now. It is difficult to phrase this question but I am certain that those living in Japan on this forum are very clear on what I'm speaking of. Pretty much this is my question: "Where does the line lie between cultural acceptance, and asserting yourself stand?"

(Note: Yes, I misspelled sensitivity in the title... don't suppose a mod would be kind enough to fix that? I can't edit the title...)

[緑さん]

i recently joined a site where you write diary entries and natives correct your writing, and you correct theirs. One person was being pretty polite for a Japanese person, so i myself have to deal with this issue.

[Glenski]

Tough question, Emoni, without specifics.

You draw the line when things are obviously out of control, but it is still a very good idea to keep one's cool in a disagreement. Foreigners have reported getting into trouble when they tried helping out someone they thought needed it.

Ex. John Smith sees a Japanese woman getting slapped around by a Japanese man, so he intervenes. Turns out it is a husband/wife scuffle, and they didn't appreciate Smith, so he got in trouble with the police.
Ex. Jane Doe has rightful legal problems with her American school owner/boss, but the police won't get involved because it's just a couple of foreigners.

Are you asking about what people should do in general, as a tourist or resident, or only about people who become residents?

[緑さん]

here's a question, "How do you know what's too polite even for japanese?"

[FrustratedDave]

To give you the short answer, if you want to live here in Japan long term and interact with your neighbours and have a relatively "normal" existance here in Japan you are going to have to alter your personality to a cetain degree to accept the unwritten rules that keeps this society in harmony. To what degree will depend on how passive a person you are. Where to draw the line? Only you can determine that, but this will deciede whether you are a typical obnoxious gaijin or someone who is seen as trying to fit in.

here's a question, "How do you know what's too polite even for japanese?"
One question what is too polite? And how would you go about being to polite without being ridiculus?

[緑さん]

One question what is too polite?

That's my question. The situation i'm dealing with (or maybe i'm over-reacting), i corrected some one's journal, and the usual japanese thank you came it, but then there were complements. It seems that complements are also customary, sometimes, but how far does it go 'till it's no longer showing appriciation? Is it beyond the lines of, "I think you must be a cute guy?" Is that crossing the line? One thing i know is to respect Japanese, and to not assume their expressions like ございます after an ありがとう is making a pass, but how far should we not assume before we start mentioning our boyfriends girlfriends if we have them? Since Japan has a culture that is more attentive to respect than america, i feel that both Japanese people and americans need to learn what's too respectful, what's too dis-respectful, and what's just right for an occasion.

[FrustratedDave]

Are you saying "when is it ok to correct someone when they are wrong?" Instead of just saying "oh, thats sounds fine to me" when you don't really mean it?

If that is what you are saying, then you can only judge that yourself by what rapport you have that particular person. Obviously there are unknown variables from it being a different culture. Only time and experience can answer this question for you.

[緑さん]

The correcting was the whole purpose of posting what she said that i corrected. The situation is as follows, without exact words. I corrected her, but one line i wasn't sure was correct or not because i didn't know what she was trying to say. She explained, but also said that she wouldn't blame me if i didn't understand since she's a girl and i'm a boy. I said that i do indeed understand, now, and it was correctish afterall. She replied that i "must be a cute guy." I was talking with another friend at the time on MSN, and he agreed with my suspicions that the remark may have been more than just being polite. Subsequent replies after that from her have been just as polite, and mine continually polite as well making mention of my girlfriend twice, which seems to have worked, but whether or not it has, i feel the need to know how to prevent something like this from happening again. Was she really too polite? Was i at fault for being polite in english, especially more polite and kind than a typical american is? And is there an easier way of getting out of situations like that? Things like this can happen to some one studying japanese, and vice versa. I've only ever previously handled such a situation with other Americans, which are much easier to deal with. When comming accross this with people of a culture that values respect more than you do, you don't know where to draw the lines and where other lines are drawn.