3characters
Apr 16, 2009, 18:17
Japanese Cautionary Tale
This is a well-meant cautionary tale for all British, (and indeed people of all nationalities), undertaking the admirable learning of the Japanese language and psyche.
It was triggered after reading the depressing story of a young American man who begun studying Japanese language with such innocent excitement, and encountered many very, very negative experiences.
I undertook this task in 2001, in south-eastern England with much initial excitement and purserverance and with the wonderful enthusing of my wife.
My beginners course was an adventure, a complete challenge with a language so different from any I'd studied before, and my teacher being native to Japan only added to the charm of each new lesson. I studied hard, as I came into the class three lessons shy of the start, and brought my first books and a dictionary. Not cheap at ￡16.99 in 2001 money.
By one November lesson my teacher had chalked up a name upon the board. She opened that lesson by saying a Japanese student wish to find a English person for "language exchange". It was something I had heard of, but the thought of doing this had never crossed my mind, but as the lesson passed my mind was made up, and I called and arranged the start of the exchanges.
A couple of days later in a lovely cathedral city centre we met and begun a few simple sentences, spoke of our hobbies, lifestyles etc. This lasted about 70 minutes over coffee and was perfect. Another language lesson was arranged a few days later nearer my home town, in a McDonald's top floor, and I felt like a door was being opened into another language, with my language partner's help with my pronounciation being valuable indeed. She was already quite good at English.
A couple of weeks passed with similarly fruitful exchanges making us 'friends'...her efforts seemingly charming me into such 'friendship.
Christmas decorations were appearing all over the country, and the afternoons shortened when she first made a subtle request to visit some stately places of south-eastern England. This progressed to hinting, and even assuming I would offer to be a friendly driver/guide. I thought Leeds Castle a great choice, as it was stunning, stately, and closeby. She initially enthused then declined saying her friend already had been there...suddenly her friend was joining the trip!!!
However, we agreed and I left at an unearthly hour to pick her and her friend before the notorious heavy traffic got going. We met up, shared pleasantries, and set off. My car was a very thirsty carrier, needed regular refills of petrol which I noticed was being paid for entirely by myself, with no offer of a 'donation.'
Then, unbelievably, a change of plan which they were obviously aware of days beforehand was passed with verbal softness to my ears, that they actually wished to go to Oxford instead!! This was a considerable change, and quite expensive too, and in my youthful Japanese language experience, agreed to do this.
Days before, I had managed to get the flu, and felt dreadful on the day...and fatigue and unexpected map-reading duty caught up with me, and I was involved in a head-on crash as my brakes failed, causing me to hit metal railings, virtually, (but not quite), writing off my lovely vehicle. I faithfully kept my promise to continue, though my 'friends' kindly said not to do so, and they then paid for my Burger King lunch.
I sought mechanical help but each garage seemed unconcerned.
My decision was made to head back home, via the glorious M25, which I did. The damage was ￡3,000+ and my vehicle was off the road for eight months, due to the necessary parts being imported from, of all places, Japan.
A silence fell over our language exchange after that, though we did meet on several more occassions before her departure in the Spring of 2002.
She did write the day after the accident that it wasn't my fault...I thought perhaps an apology might follow, but it did not.
This proved a shattering blow, in many ways, not only with the shock that comes with road accidents at motorway speed, but also the feeling of being led-on and used...
The story does not stop there.
I picked myself up with maximum resolve, got behind the wheel, (for my job) the next day, and picked up my study books too.
As my language exchange 'friend' appeared to be leaving the scene of the accident, I found an internet japanese-english language exchange site and logged-on. Soon a couple of replies came, which seemed truly focused and sincere.
One girl was obviously good with english, and very keen on improving my language, as I was with hers. We shared emails for a very short time, until she announced she was coming to England that summer and would like someone to 'help out' with local info etc. I again, (in hindsight foolishly), agreed and when she did visit, with her equally polite friend, I drove them around many well-known sights. Ironically, on their last day, my first language exchange partner was also leaving the country, and we all met up. They did, to be fair, seem very appreciative at the time, but what is both saddening and maddening, is that all the mentioned Japanese girls barely bothered to write me again after they left the shores of Great Britain.
I moved to East Anglia and resumed my study, enrolling with a Japanese course in Cambridge which I completed successfully.
During that time, I found a new Japanese language exchange partner who studied art. Initially, I did the exhange with a group of Japanese, but she preferred to just continue it with herself. I happened to have a spare copy of a great art book, and let her have it. A foolish move now I think of it...for after that she made the now all-too-familiar request for trips and travel. I did decline, which enraged her. When we met up again after Christmas, in January 2003, in conversation I mentioned a trip I'd done with my family...and she whined of her envy. This particular partner had a very spiteful attitude and started saying I always seem to deliberately offend her...even though I had my own wife and children to think of.
This girl, slightly differently to my first language partner, seemed more interested in a relationship than language, and was pure danger!!!!
After that experience, I thankfully found a male Japanese partner who was bright, serious and without motives! He remains a good friend to this day, which speaks for itself.
In addition, I came to know a lovely Japanese couple of a much greater age to myself, who were very dear and kind.
I did have one more language exchange partner, as I entered my third and fourth years of Japanese study. She claimed to be a teacher, and therefore on a different level to my early negative experiences of Japanese females. She frequently changed topics to ones of her relationship troubles with her Irish boyfriend, etc...however, our language ability did greatly improve. Until I damaged my spine playing football.
I valliantly carried on trying to honour my wish to help her English, though it proved too much as I nearly fainted with pain on two occasions.
Thereafter, (after claiming to be a 'good friend'), she weakly managed one more email and nothing more.
This irked me considerably, as she had asked me to check, correct and rewrite whole swathes of her thesis.
The basis of my cautionary tale, is that when you agree within yourself to embrace another language and culture, do not forget who you are, and what you are...as in my experience, (and many of my western friends), the Japanese female is a very effective and dangerous trap to fall into. She is pretty, she dresses modestly, she praises your every word, worships your hobbies, says how much nicer you are than the typical Japanese man, and how she envies all you do in your free time...true enough, it makes you feel a real somebody...gives you confidence in your Nihongo, (which it must be said to all males, takes on a decidely feminine form, that causes great laughter to natives behind your back), and encourages you to help as much as you possibly can. You even wish to share some of your own time and space, and agree to be her touring friend...all is sweetness and light until you've done all she wants in this country, and then what? You wait after her initial words of thanks, for some more kindness, help and friendship...which fails to happen...she disappears into thin air, leaving you to feel little more than a doormat.
There are very, very nice Japanese people, but, to all western males learning Japanese, be very, very careful when you undertake language exchange with a Japanese girl.
All the media would indicate that western males behave rudely toward petit and sweet little Japanese girls, who need protecting and shielding from our vulgarity...however, all is not as it seems, for there are an equal number of western men, who have been deeply wounded, and even permanantly damaged by the subtleties of a devious Japanese female.
Sadly my unfortunate experiences have now tarnished all feeling I'd previously held of a gentle and polite country - Japan - and subsequently all I wish to do is turn away from all things Japanese in fear of being used, hurt and laughed at. I feel more secure with the things I know.
Be warned, enjoy your study, and hopefully find a sincere and true friend, and not fall prey to a Japanese fox!!
Many only 'seek' your language exchange abilities for the reason of using your time, car and local "touring" knowledge...and little else.
I loved Japan, it's art, culture, landscape and people, but have been treated terribly by many of it's people, shattering all my sincere warmth previously held toward them.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I have written my experiences truthfully.
This is a well-meant cautionary tale for all British, (and indeed people of all nationalities), undertaking the admirable learning of the Japanese language and psyche.
It was triggered after reading the depressing story of a young American man who begun studying Japanese language with such innocent excitement, and encountered many very, very negative experiences.
I undertook this task in 2001, in south-eastern England with much initial excitement and purserverance and with the wonderful enthusing of my wife.
My beginners course was an adventure, a complete challenge with a language so different from any I'd studied before, and my teacher being native to Japan only added to the charm of each new lesson. I studied hard, as I came into the class three lessons shy of the start, and brought my first books and a dictionary. Not cheap at ￡16.99 in 2001 money.
By one November lesson my teacher had chalked up a name upon the board. She opened that lesson by saying a Japanese student wish to find a English person for "language exchange". It was something I had heard of, but the thought of doing this had never crossed my mind, but as the lesson passed my mind was made up, and I called and arranged the start of the exchanges.
A couple of days later in a lovely cathedral city centre we met and begun a few simple sentences, spoke of our hobbies, lifestyles etc. This lasted about 70 minutes over coffee and was perfect. Another language lesson was arranged a few days later nearer my home town, in a McDonald's top floor, and I felt like a door was being opened into another language, with my language partner's help with my pronounciation being valuable indeed. She was already quite good at English.
A couple of weeks passed with similarly fruitful exchanges making us 'friends'...her efforts seemingly charming me into such 'friendship.
Christmas decorations were appearing all over the country, and the afternoons shortened when she first made a subtle request to visit some stately places of south-eastern England. This progressed to hinting, and even assuming I would offer to be a friendly driver/guide. I thought Leeds Castle a great choice, as it was stunning, stately, and closeby. She initially enthused then declined saying her friend already had been there...suddenly her friend was joining the trip!!!
However, we agreed and I left at an unearthly hour to pick her and her friend before the notorious heavy traffic got going. We met up, shared pleasantries, and set off. My car was a very thirsty carrier, needed regular refills of petrol which I noticed was being paid for entirely by myself, with no offer of a 'donation.'
Then, unbelievably, a change of plan which they were obviously aware of days beforehand was passed with verbal softness to my ears, that they actually wished to go to Oxford instead!! This was a considerable change, and quite expensive too, and in my youthful Japanese language experience, agreed to do this.
Days before, I had managed to get the flu, and felt dreadful on the day...and fatigue and unexpected map-reading duty caught up with me, and I was involved in a head-on crash as my brakes failed, causing me to hit metal railings, virtually, (but not quite), writing off my lovely vehicle. I faithfully kept my promise to continue, though my 'friends' kindly said not to do so, and they then paid for my Burger King lunch.
I sought mechanical help but each garage seemed unconcerned.
My decision was made to head back home, via the glorious M25, which I did. The damage was ￡3,000+ and my vehicle was off the road for eight months, due to the necessary parts being imported from, of all places, Japan.
A silence fell over our language exchange after that, though we did meet on several more occassions before her departure in the Spring of 2002.
She did write the day after the accident that it wasn't my fault...I thought perhaps an apology might follow, but it did not.
This proved a shattering blow, in many ways, not only with the shock that comes with road accidents at motorway speed, but also the feeling of being led-on and used...
The story does not stop there.
I picked myself up with maximum resolve, got behind the wheel, (for my job) the next day, and picked up my study books too.
As my language exchange 'friend' appeared to be leaving the scene of the accident, I found an internet japanese-english language exchange site and logged-on. Soon a couple of replies came, which seemed truly focused and sincere.
One girl was obviously good with english, and very keen on improving my language, as I was with hers. We shared emails for a very short time, until she announced she was coming to England that summer and would like someone to 'help out' with local info etc. I again, (in hindsight foolishly), agreed and when she did visit, with her equally polite friend, I drove them around many well-known sights. Ironically, on their last day, my first language exchange partner was also leaving the country, and we all met up. They did, to be fair, seem very appreciative at the time, but what is both saddening and maddening, is that all the mentioned Japanese girls barely bothered to write me again after they left the shores of Great Britain.
I moved to East Anglia and resumed my study, enrolling with a Japanese course in Cambridge which I completed successfully.
During that time, I found a new Japanese language exchange partner who studied art. Initially, I did the exhange with a group of Japanese, but she preferred to just continue it with herself. I happened to have a spare copy of a great art book, and let her have it. A foolish move now I think of it...for after that she made the now all-too-familiar request for trips and travel. I did decline, which enraged her. When we met up again after Christmas, in January 2003, in conversation I mentioned a trip I'd done with my family...and she whined of her envy. This particular partner had a very spiteful attitude and started saying I always seem to deliberately offend her...even though I had my own wife and children to think of.
This girl, slightly differently to my first language partner, seemed more interested in a relationship than language, and was pure danger!!!!
After that experience, I thankfully found a male Japanese partner who was bright, serious and without motives! He remains a good friend to this day, which speaks for itself.
In addition, I came to know a lovely Japanese couple of a much greater age to myself, who were very dear and kind.
I did have one more language exchange partner, as I entered my third and fourth years of Japanese study. She claimed to be a teacher, and therefore on a different level to my early negative experiences of Japanese females. She frequently changed topics to ones of her relationship troubles with her Irish boyfriend, etc...however, our language ability did greatly improve. Until I damaged my spine playing football.
I valliantly carried on trying to honour my wish to help her English, though it proved too much as I nearly fainted with pain on two occasions.
Thereafter, (after claiming to be a 'good friend'), she weakly managed one more email and nothing more.
This irked me considerably, as she had asked me to check, correct and rewrite whole swathes of her thesis.
The basis of my cautionary tale, is that when you agree within yourself to embrace another language and culture, do not forget who you are, and what you are...as in my experience, (and many of my western friends), the Japanese female is a very effective and dangerous trap to fall into. She is pretty, she dresses modestly, she praises your every word, worships your hobbies, says how much nicer you are than the typical Japanese man, and how she envies all you do in your free time...true enough, it makes you feel a real somebody...gives you confidence in your Nihongo, (which it must be said to all males, takes on a decidely feminine form, that causes great laughter to natives behind your back), and encourages you to help as much as you possibly can. You even wish to share some of your own time and space, and agree to be her touring friend...all is sweetness and light until you've done all she wants in this country, and then what? You wait after her initial words of thanks, for some more kindness, help and friendship...which fails to happen...she disappears into thin air, leaving you to feel little more than a doormat.
There are very, very nice Japanese people, but, to all western males learning Japanese, be very, very careful when you undertake language exchange with a Japanese girl.
All the media would indicate that western males behave rudely toward petit and sweet little Japanese girls, who need protecting and shielding from our vulgarity...however, all is not as it seems, for there are an equal number of western men, who have been deeply wounded, and even permanantly damaged by the subtleties of a devious Japanese female.
Sadly my unfortunate experiences have now tarnished all feeling I'd previously held of a gentle and polite country - Japan - and subsequently all I wish to do is turn away from all things Japanese in fear of being used, hurt and laughed at. I feel more secure with the things I know.
Be warned, enjoy your study, and hopefully find a sincere and true friend, and not fall prey to a Japanese fox!!
Many only 'seek' your language exchange abilities for the reason of using your time, car and local "touring" knowledge...and little else.
I loved Japan, it's art, culture, landscape and people, but have been treated terribly by many of it's people, shattering all my sincere warmth previously held toward them.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I have written my experiences truthfully.