Question for the Japanese people of the board/日本人への質問

[Kat]

Hi. ^_^ I'm just curious to ask this...

For the Japanese men on the board, how many of you are attracted to foreign western women? Do you like them at all?

And for the Japanese women on the board, how many of you are attracted to gaijin men?

Thanks if you can answer. I'm just curious because I would like to know how many Japanese are interested in foreigners or if they're really only interested in other Japanese people...

I'm a foreign girl who's attracted to Japanese men....and that's kind of why I'm curious about what Japanese men tend to like. I'm physically attracted to Japanese men....I don't know what an actual relationship with one would be like though!

I'm a bit shy about posting this topic! :bluush:

[neko_girl22]

I'm Japanese by marriage I guess, so I hope you don't mind me posting ;)
I am married to a Japanese man and have dated a few so I can say that yes, J-men are attracted to western women. However, few can speak English and the ones that can are often very shy about using it, so it can be a hard road for us gaijin girls who love J-men! They are often very shy about approaching us and making the first move. I am still amazed my husband had the courage to ask me out!!!

It's definately more easy for western men who come to Japan, from what I've heard all they have to do is say hi and most girls are scrambling to give out phone numbers :p

Anyway, hope some Japanese can post to give you a better idea of their feelings ;)

[Carolgirl00]

gaah! Yah, what is up with the j-girls chasing after gaijins? Ugh, I really can't see what they see in them. There are tons of j-girls who don't even like j-guys because they think american boys are so coool. No offense to any Americans here though! ^^;; It's just I really don't understand jgirls. *sighs* There's nothing wrong with Japanese men, they're cute too!!

[Swifty]

Gaijin Male Perspective :wave:

I just heard exactly what i wanted to lol (j-girls likeing gaijin guy)

The only reason why i can see it being that way is because it is something different

In canada where i am

the j-girls tend to stay with j-guys which makes it pretty hard to persuade them to give a guy like me a chance :bluush:

I dont really know how to put it into words but i would say that it is because it is different and they are strangly attracted to it lol

or maybe it is because we are so Devilishly Handom:p :cool:

[Kat]

Well thanks for your replies but I still hope some Japanese people can post.

Anyway, it's true, you hear so much about Japanese women with gaijin men but you hardly hear anything about Japanese men with gaijin women. :(

And if Japanese guys are shy....well I'm shy too which could be a problem!

I wonder if there are suttle ways I could let a Japanese guy know that I'm interested in him?

I do have one male Japanese friend who's actually a Japanese actor and he thinks I'm very cute and I actually think he's cute too but there is too much of an age difference between us and we know that so we're just friends.

He thinks I could find a nice hot young Japanese guy though....I only hope he's right!
:D

[kirei_na_me]

Well, don't worry, Kat. You have plenty of time to find one! There are more of us out there than you might think. Nzueda and I are a part of a group of gaijin women who are married to Japanese men that has a few hundred members. I know that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but it does happen. There are even books about the subject. It is true that there are a lot more Japanese female/gaijin male couples, but that trend has been around a lot longer, and other reasons I won't get into--again.

I was getting ready to say that maybe I could get my husband to post a reply, but I don't think he would do it. He would say that you shouldn't be attracted to one because of their nationality alone and stuff like that. I think, though, he would say that physically, he finds Westerners more attractive, but I think he would say that on the inside, we're all pretty much the same--to an extent.

There is hope! ;) I still say you should try to befriend them first. That's the easiest way to go with them, I believe. Have you tried the penpal route?

[Swifty]

WHERE DO YOU FIND PEnPALS!!!
sorry didnt mean to yell but im excited lol:sorry: :sorry: :sorry:
i've been trying to meet some people from japan but i can never seem to find any
or well the whole pen pal thing sounds like fun
but where would you look for one?:eek:
If you could let me know that would be awsome :clap: :bow:

[kirei_na_me]

I had a lot of luck with Japan Guide (http://www.japan-guide.com/penfriend/index_e.php) for finding penpals. I'm still in touch with a couple of people I met there.

Kat, there is also a group on MSN that is especially for gaijin women who are interested in relationships with Japanese men(and vice versa). I just joined not too long ago and it seems like a nice enough place. You might want to join there. Here is the link: Japanese men/gaijin women group (http://groups.msn.com/JapanesemenandGaijinwomen)

[Swifty]

Does there happen to be a simalar group for Gaijin Guys looking for j-girls? and vise versa
:bluush:

[budd]

yes.

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
I had a lot of luck with Japan Guide (http://www.japan-guide.com/penfriend/index_e.php) for finding penpals. I'm still in touch with a couple of people I met there.

Kat, there is also a group on MSN that is especially for gaijin women who are interested in relationships with Japanese men(and vice versa). I just joined not too long ago and it seems like a nice enough place. You might want to join there. Here is the link: Japanese men/gaijin women group (http://groups.msn.com/JapanesemenandGaijinwomen)

Thanks.

I'll look there at least anyways.

As for the penpal thing, I've never tried it before. :/

[budd]

just my opinion...
good luck! and also notice the banner links throughout this forum

[silver angel]

Originally posted by Kat
Hi. ^_^ I'm just curious to ask this...
I'm a foreign girl who's attracted to Japanese men....and that's kind of why I'm curious about what Japanese men tend to like. I'm physically attracted to Japanese men....I don't know what an actual relationship with one would be like though!

I'm a bit shy about posting this topic! :bluush:

:cool: I found someone that thinks like me! O_O *jigs*

[kirei_na_me]

I updated the thread title. Maybe it will get more attention. We'll see...

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
I updated the thread title. Maybe it will get more attention. We'll see...

Thanks. ^_^

Oh, and I did send a message yesterday to two Japanese guys at that penpals site you posted.

I have yet to get a reply from either of them though.

[kirei_na_me]

Did you place an ad yourself, Kat?

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Did you place an ad yourself, Kat?

No I didn't. :/ I'm not sure how to and I didn't know if that'd be the best idea. Because I don't want to get tons of guys sending me messages and I don't want to attract the wrong kinds of people either. That's why I didn't. Because I'm afraid of stuff like that.

[budd]

rightfully so. the relative anonymous nature of the internet precludes that
another thing to watch is putting an email address on a website... they have "email harvesters" that search webpages for email addresses with which to send junk mail
definitely be careful out there... again, good luck :)

[Gaki]

Why do people decide they will exclusively only date Japanese ?

I'm not specifically targetting the thread starter, in general you get alot of people who say "I will only date Japanese male/female because <insert their own race> women/men are rubbish" and i've never really understood why ?

The only reason i could only think of was that these kind of people are overly obsessed Japanophiles / d0rks or whatever word best describes them.

Before someone retaliates with an argument, i'm not trying to start an argument or make a racist comment, i'm only asking a question.

[kirei_na_me]

Gaki...I won't get into a long post now--although I could--but I will just say that I pretty much agree with you. I've often pondered that exact same thing.

[silver angel]

I like my boys like I like my rainbow cookies...(multicultural) XD
But Japanese guys tend to be a better challenge......

[Elizabeth]

You shouldn't necessarily shut out other possibilities, but for some reason a lot of Japanese men are cute (and short) to me as well -- both in looks and those that have a personality. :p

[neko_girl22]

I've always liked men with a tan and black hair yum! :p
I was naturally attracted to asian men, but it would be a very shallow person who got into a relationship / married just because they are of a certain race

[Elizabeth]

I've never really had thoughts of being physically attracted to another race before knowing anything about the culture but it doesn't sound like a very good basis for a relationship to me either. As for mainland Chinese men, Gaki, my general impression is they are probably friendlier, more intellectual, more open to foreign cultures etc than Japanese, there's just not the opportunity to travel there and meet one unfortunately. :sad:

[kirei_na_me]

That's what I've also thought, Elizabeth. With my experience of Japanese and Chinese, it seems that Chinese can be more down-to-earth and friendlier, but that is just a generalization I've made after knowing many of each nationality. I know that it doesn't hold true all the time. If I could compare the two, though, I would say that I think Chinese are easier to get to know and more personable. It's sometimes harder to break down the wall with Japanese people--if at all.

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
If I could compare the two, though, I would say that I think Chinese are easier to get to know and more personable. It's sometimes harder to break down the wall with Japanese people--if at all.
I just don't know, not being in that situation, it may just be something you have to lay off and not press them on at all (to open up). Which could allow whatever they have built up inside to eventually burst forth, or at least seep out very gradually. :eek:

[kirei_na_me]

Originally posted by Elizabeth
I just don't know, not being in that situation, it may just be something you have to lay off and not press them on at all (to open up). Which could allow whatever they have built up inside to eventually burst forth, or at least seep out very gradually. :eek:

Well, yeah. Sometimes that's the case, but I believe that in general, they are just not extremely open by nature. It does depend on the individual, though. I have a couple of Japanese friends who can be very candid about everything, but most of the ones I know stay pretty superficial. It's not that I press, because I learned a long time ago that wouldn't get me anywhere.

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Well, yeah. Sometimes that's the case, but I believe that in general, they are just not extremely open by nature. It does depend on the individual, though. I have a couple of Japanese friends who can be very candid about everything, but most of the ones I know stay pretty superficial. It's not that I press, because I learned a long time ago that wouldn't get me anywhere.
I didn't mean not press directly on the source of their reticence or esp defensiveness/anger, just try as much as possible to go along with their way of thinking/doing things and don't get into arguments at all cost :happy:

[kirei_na_me]

Originally posted by Elizabeth
I didn't mean not press directly on the source of their reticence or esp defensiveness/anger, just try as much as possible to go along with their way of thinking/doing things and don't get into arguments at all cost :happy:

Yeah, I see what you mean. It's just difficult. I kind of get tired of having to do everything their way, when some of them don't even make an effort to meet in the middle to compromise. Everyone is just supposed to assume their way of doing things. Oh well...I'm not agonizing over it, it's just irritating sometimes.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic, I guess! Sorry about that! :sorry:

Kat, have you heard anything yet?

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Yeah, I see what you mean. It's just difficult. I kind of get tired of having to do everything their way, when some of them don't even make an effort to meet in the middle to compromise. Everyone is just supposed to assume their way of doing things. Oh well...I'm not agonizing over it, it's just irritating sometimes. Although at least they aren't very happy most of the time, either, right? :evil:

[Kat]

Originally posted by Gaki
Why do people decide they will exclusively only date Japanese ?

I'm not specifically targetting the thread starter, in general you get alot of people who say "I will only date Japanese male/female because <insert their own race> women/men are rubbish" and i've never really understood why ?

The only reason i could only think of was that these kind of people are overly obsessed Japanophiles / d0rks or whatever word best describes them.

Before someone retaliates with an argument, i'm not trying to start an argument or make a racist comment, i'm only asking a question.

I haven't decided to exclusively date Japanese.

Infact until recently I never even 'noticed' asian men at all. I was only attracted to other white people. Who knows why but that's how it was. And I still like white men but recently I started noticing asian guys and so lately I've become very interested in them.

I'm a bit offended that anyone would think I only like Japanese men. :/ Because it isn't true and I haven't shut all other guys out. Just lately I've been very interested and curious about Japanese men and some other asian men too. Is there anything wrong with that?

Anyway, I did get a reply from one of the Japanese guys I had sent a message to.

By the way, would anyone find it weird if a Japanese person said they only wanted to date other Japanese or if a white person said they only wanted to date other white people?
I doubt anyone would find it weird. So I don't know why people bash other things like a white person only wanting to date Japanese. That's not how I am but I can still respect people who'd only want to date Japanese.

It makes me mad that people are always judging other people all the time about stuff like this. Who cares what other people like? It's their decision and it's their problem.

Sorry if I seem really defensive but I do get offended by these things.

[Gaki]

Originally posted by Kat
I haven't decided to exclusively date Japanese.

Infact until recently I never even 'noticed' asian men at all. I was only attracted to other white people. Who knows why but that's how it was. And I still like white men but recently I started noticing asian guys and so lately I've become very interested in them.

I'm a bit offended that anyone would think I only like Japanese men. :/ Because it isn't true and I haven't shut all other guys out. Just lately I've been very interested and curious about Japanese men and some other asian men too. Is there anything wrong with that?

Anyway, I did get a reply from one of the Japanese guys I had sent a message to.

By the way, would anyone find it weird if a Japanese person said they only wanted to date other Japanese or if a white person said they only wanted to date other white people?
I doubt anyone would find it weird. So I don't know why people bash other things like a white person only wanting to date Japanese. That's not how I am but I can still respect people who'd only want to date Japanese.

It makes me mad that people are always judging other people all the time about stuff like this. Who cares what other people like? It's their decision and it's their problem.

Sorry if I seem really defensive but I do get offended by these things.

Who said i was bashing anyone ?
I was merely asking a general question which is partially related to this topic...

[budd]

hmmm... but really, always seeming to say a certain something
it's underlying
well, anyway, i am tired of american women in general
i try to avoid other women who seem too americanized also
i'm probably missing out on something too because of that, but so far i only seem to be missing out on the stress
just really tired of wasting my time -- i don't believe in being in a relationship just to break up
edit: "By the way, would anyone find it weird if a Japanese person said they only wanted to date other Japanese"
actually, i did
but it's kind of convoluted -- ergo, my americanized women comment, in a roundabout way

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by Kat
I haven't decided to exclusively date Japanese.
By the way, would anyone find it weird if a Japanese person said they only wanted to date other Japanese or if a white person said they only wanted to date other white people?
I doubt anyone would find it weird.
Not weird, just racist. It happens that way most of the time of course because their majority culture is where most people tend to live most of the time and can feel most comfortable without thinking of their partner as primarily a physical attraction.

[kyotomanabu]

Hello, I'm a Japanese guy from Kyoto.

First of all, I didn't know there is a Western woman who
is "physically attracted" to Japanese men like Kat-san,
because I know that J-men have never been popular among the
western women and can't even think of drawing their attention.

Anyway, as for the question, there are so many J-men attracted
to Western women. Perhaps I should say "beautiful Caucasian
women", to be more specific.

For those men, shapely-figured(and busty) beautiful blondes are
always a great heartthrob. Their dream is dating with such American
or French beauty (and showing off that to their Japanese friends).

Same can be said for J-women. So many women are wishing they could
find a cool Western boyfriend like David Beckham or Keanu Reeves.

Behind that incredible popularity lies our deep-rooted inferiority
complex toward Westerners, I believe.

We love and adore just about anything American or European.
Fashion, cars, food, music, movies,language, religion etc...

We have been so obsessed with them. For the Japanese,
"Western" means "superior". This is not an exaggeration.

Thus there is no wonder Western women are so favored by J-men.
Western girlfriend/boyfriend represents some kind of status symbol,
which gives you a great sense of pride, happiness and self-satisfaction.

It's much like driving Porsche or wearing Versace. It makes them
feel very special, as if they have moved up social ladder.

I know it's a very strange perspective unique to the Japanese,
but it will never dwindle, no matter how silly it sounds.

By the way, Yusaku Matsuda was half-blooded with Korean.

[Gaki]

Originally posted by budd
hmmm... but really, always seeming to say a certain something
it's underlying


Because i'm telling the truth ?

There are alot of "foreign" people overly obessesed with Japan and think Japan is like the best country in the world even in comparison to their own, but usually those people are a bit uncultured (?) / uneducated (?) or just plain stupid/d0rk or maybe otaku is the most fitting word.

I am very proud of my country and i dont understand how other people can disrespect their own country and people like that...

I could just easily go around making racist comments but whats the point...

[Kat]

Originally posted by Gaki
Because i'm telling the truth ?

There are alot of "foreign" people overly obessesed with Japan and think Japan is like the best country in the world even in comparison to their own, but usually those people are a bit uncultured (?) / uneducated (?) or just plain stupid/d0rk or maybe otaku is the most fitting word.

I am very proud of my country and i dont understand how other people can disrespect their own country and people like that...

I could just easily go around making racist comments but whats the point...

Well, I do kind of know what you mean. It is annoying when you always see people going "Japan this Japan that" and I remember a board I use to go to and a question was asked "What country in the world do you most want to go to?" and almost everyone was like "Japan Japan Japan." I actually said England though.

Only within the last year have I become really interested in Japan but I don't think the people in my own country are rubbish and I like Canada very much. I got homesick this summer when I went over to New Zealand and Australia(though I did enjoy my time in those countries very much).

I wouldn't say that I'm one of those people who's obsessed with Japan. It's not the only place I want to visit in my life and it's not all I care about or ever talk about. Perhaps on here it might at times seem that way though since this is a Japan board so of course what I talk about the most here will be stuff about Japan.

And I don't think Japanese men are necissarily better than other men. Here in Toronto there is a huge cultural diversity so I've seen guys that come from all kinds of different backgrounds!

I have simply lately been a bit more physically attracted to Japanese men and other asian men and would like to 'try' a relationship with one.

I hope you can understand.

I don't hate the guys from my own culture or anything like that. That isn't why I'm attracted to Japanese men.

[Kat]

Originally posted by kyotomanabu
Hello, I'm a Japanese guy from Kyoto.

First of all, I didn't know there is a Western woman who
is "physically attracted" to Japanese men like Kat-san,
because I know that J-men have never been popular among the
western women and can't even think of drawing their attention.

Anyway, as for the question, there are so many J-men attracted
to Western women. Perhaps I should say "beautiful Caucasian
women", to be more specific.

For those men, shapely-figured(and busty) beautiful blondes are
always a great heartthrob. Their dream is dating with such American
or French beauty (and showing off that to their Japanese friends).

Same can be said for J-women. So many women are wishing they could
find a cool Western boyfriend like David Beckham or Keanu Reeves.

Behind that incredible popularity lies our deep-rooted inferiority
complex toward Westerners, I believe.

We love and adore just about anything American or European.
Fashion, cars, food, music, movies,language, religion etc...

We have been so obsessed with them. For the Japanese,
"Western" means "superior". This is not an exaggeration.

Thus there is no wonder Western women are so favored by J-men.
Western girlfriend/boyfriend represents some kind of status symbol,
which gives you a great sense of pride, happiness and self-satisfaction.

It's much like driving Porsche or wearing Versace. It makes them
feel very special, as if they have moved up social ladder.

I know it's a very strange perspective unique to the Japanese,
but it will never dwindle, no matter how silly it sounds.

By the way, Yusaku Matsuda was half-blooded with Korean.

Hi. Thanks for posting.

And I understand what you mean. I do now recall some other Japanese guys saying similar things.

If I do end up with a Japanese guy though, I would hope that he wouldn't only like me because I'm white and a status symbol to him. I would hope that he'd actually like me just for who I am as a person.

[Swifty]

I to share the same views as kat

Simply because i live in toronto area
and i know how culturaly diverse it truely is

being a white person is the minority lol

but still

i've been with lots of white woman
and never a j-girl or a oriental girl in general

and i would like to meet a nice one ^_^
(my new pen pal seems nice enough :clap: )

everyone has there own views on things in other countries

so let them think what they want and dont critisize anyone views
cause the same thing can easily be said about yours

Peace all

[budd]

"Because i'm telling the truth?"
or more likely, just an opinion like everyone (inclluding me) here
"I could just easily go around making racist comments but whats the point..."
well, don't stop (http://forum.japanreference.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4316&perpage=15&pagenumber=2) now on my account...

[SacredBlue]

The Japan guide site really is great for getting pen pals..I posted an ad (im an american guy) and the next day got around 7 emails, all from japanese females oddly enough..I ask them to help correct my japanese and I correct their english, it's really fun actually..

[kirei_na_me]

It just sounds kind of crazy to only want someone because they are of a certain race/nationality. Wouldn't you say that the KKK is stupid? Yes, you would. Wanting to stick with only one race or particular group of people and then shunning the other for some broad, generalized reason is racist, I believe. If not racist, then narrow-minded at least.

Last night, I asked my husband a question just because of this thread. We sat down at dinner, and I asked him seriously what did he like better about Western women. He said "nothing". He said it was impossible to generalize and crazy for anybody to pick someone just because they were American or Japanese or whatever. This was how the conversation went:

Rachel: "So, what is different between American women and Japanese women?"
Moto: "Nothing, really."
Moto: "Well, in my experience, Japanese women are more secretive about things."
Rachel: "Like what?"
Moto: "Like keeping secrets about what the kids have done. Like a problem at school. Or they are secretive about how much money they spend on stuff."
Rachel: "Is that all?"
Moto: "Americans are generally more emotional and get angry quick. Japanese can take stress better, but that's not necessarily a good thing, either."
Rachel: "Well, what about physically? What do you find more attractive about American women?"
Moto: "There are ugly Americans and there are beautiful Americans. It's the same with Japanese."
Moto: "I wanted you because you were special as an individual, not because you were part of a certain group."

That's all he said and that's how it ended, because the ones of you that really know Japanese people know they don't like to get into huge discussions about subjects such as this.

[Elizabeth]

I once asked my boyfriend to make a list of Hispanic stereotypes just off the top of his head and I was really surprised how close to the ones we have in the US. As far as I know, he doesn't have any acquantances in Japan and has just been to Cuba once several years ago. Sometimes he truly amazes me :). Will have to ask about Western women next time I'm there next.

1. Low education levels
2. Physical strength/stamina
3. Cheerfulness/sunny attitude
4. Optimistic about the future
5. Catholic and go to church, but cannot read the Bible well
6. An unbelievably strong awareness of comrades/companions, parents, siblings
7. Passionate
8. Like spicy things
9. Like to drink and gamble
10. Lacking mental concentration or focus

　１．教育レベルは低い。
　２．体力はある。
　３．陽気。
　４．将来に対して楽天的。
　５．カソリックを信奉し教会にはよく通うが聖書は読 まない、または字が読めない。
　６．仲間意識が強く、親や兄弟姉妹、身内を思う気持 ちは信じられないほど強い。
　７．情熱的。
　８．辛いものが好き。
　９．酒とギャンブルが好き。
　10．集中力が弱い。

[Kat]

Well I'm sorry if everyone thinks it's so racist to be attracted to Japanese people and want to date one.

Maybe I should forget about Japanese guys in that case. >_<

Because you guys are making me feel bad for liking them.

[Gaki]

Originally posted by budd
"Because i'm telling the truth?"
or more likely, just an opinion like everyone (inclluding me) here
"I could just easily go around making racist comments but whats the point..."
well, don't stop (http://forum.japanreference.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4316&perpage=15&pagenumber=2) now on my account...

So you dont think it's true there are too many Japanophiles ? I've seen alot over the net, seen some in real life, and i think they are d0rks, my Japanese friends think they are d0rks.
Or maybe your offended because that applies to you... (-_-; )

And btw where in the Taiwan thread was i being racist ?
If i wanted to be racist i would have called them "stupid **** sucking Jap. wannabe dog of the white man", big difference between saying that and what i said in that thread.

Anyway nevermind it's not a big deal, dont really wanna clog up this thread with useless arguments.

[kirei_na_me]

Kat, no, I don't think you are racist. There are some people, though, that only want Japanese because they are Japanese and then say tremendously negative things about their own nationality or another nationality in order to justify their reasons for only liking Japanese. That's what I think is wrong.

You are just curious, is all. I was too. I met my husband and thought he was cute and smart and fun to be around at the time. He was also from a different culture and I thought that was intriguing and mysterious. I wanted to get to know him, and we became friends. It later developed into something more. I didn't go after him because I was some kind of otaku or something. I just liked him.

I will say that now that I know about Japanese men more, I am more attracted to Japanese men than I once was--which was not at all, because I didn't know much about them. I am not attracted to Japanese men more than I am attracted to, say, American men or European men, though. You know, we used to have a saying in school like, "once you go black, you can never go back", but that wasn't the case with me. I am attracted to who I'm attracted to. Before I was married, I dated a Latino guy, a couple of black guys, a French guy, and several "regular" American guys. I never targeted any particular race or nationality just because they were so. I can't say anything bad about American men in general, either. Just because I'm married to a Japanese guy, that doesn't mean American guys or any other guys turn me off now. Some people wouldn't be like that, though. Some men I've known that are married to Asian females have sworn off Americans or Westerners completely because of some irrational reason. That is what I can't understand.

Did I make any sense? :confused:

[Kat]

Originally posted by Gaki
So you dont think it's true there are too many Japanophiles ? I've seen alot over the net, seen some in real life, and i think they are d0rks, my Japanese friends think they are d0rks.
Or maybe your offended because that applies to you... (-_-; )

And btw where in the Taiwan thread was i being racist ?
If i wanted to be racist i would have called them "stupid **** sucking Jap. wannabe dog of the white man", big difference between saying that and what i said in that thread.

Anyway nevermind it's not a big deal, dont really wanna clog up this thread with useless arguments.


I just find it annoying that you seem to think that just because I like Japanese guys, I must be a Japanophile. -_-

That's just stupid and it really offends me.

I wish I had never made this stupid thread. I don't really even want to go to this board anymore because of this because I didn't expect my thread to be attacked and me to be accused of being a racist and a "Japanophile who only likes Japanese guys and must think guys of her own culture are trash".

I feel that I'm being attacked because this is my thread. -_-

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Kat, no, I don't think you are racist. There are some people, though, that only want Japanese because they are Japanese and then say tremendously negative things about their own nationality or another nationality in order to justify their reasons for only liking Japanese. That's what I think is wrong.

You are just curious, is all. I was too. I met my husband and thought he was cute and smart and fun to be around at the time. He was also from a different culture and I thought that was intriguing and mysterious. I wanted to get to know him, and we became friends. It later developed into something more. I didn't go after him because I was some kind of otaku or something. I just liked him.

I will say that now that I know about Japanese men more, I am more attracted to Japanese men than I once was--which was not at all, because I didn't know much about them. I am not attracted to Japanese men more than I am attracted to, say, American men or European men, though. You know, we used to have a saying in school like, "once you go black, you can never go back", but that wasn't the case with me. I am attracted to who I'm attracted to. Before I was married, I dated a Latino guy, a couple of black guys, a French guy, and several "regular" American guys. I never targeted any particular race of nationality just because they were so. I can't say anything bad about American men in general, either. Just because I'm married to a Japanese guy, that doesn't mean American guys or any other guys turn me off now. Some people wouldn't be like that, though. Some men I've known that are married to Asian females have sworn off Americans or Westerners completely because of some irrational reason. That is what I can't understand.

Did I make any sense? :confused:

Yes, it made sense.

And I'll mention that my last boyfriend was a European guy. The only boyfriend I've ever had actually. :( Even though I'm 19....I've only had one relationship....and it was long distance...so I really don't know a lot about guys.

And I don't think all Japanese guys are attractive by the way. I wouldn't date just any Japanese guy who comes up to me. -_-;

I don't really like it how so many people must think I'm one of those otakus when they hardly even know who I am.

[Gaki]

Originally posted by Kat
I just find it annoying that you seem to think that just because I like Japanese guys, I must be a Japanophile. -_-

That's just stupid and it really offends me.

I wish I had never made this stupid thread. I don't really even want to go to this board anymore because of this because I didn't expect my thread to be attacked and me to be accused of being a racist and a "Japanophile who only likes Japanese guys and must think guys of her own culture are trash".

I feel that I'm being attacked because this is my thread. -_-

Why do you always think i am targetting you ?

I'm talking about Japanophiles in general, not you.. (-_-;; ) ~ ~ 3

[Kat]

Originally posted by Gaki
Why do you always think i am targetting you ?

I'm talking about Japanophiles in general, not you.. (-_-;; ) ~ ~ 3

It just seems that way since this topic is mine and it seems like you have something against the topic and what it discusses. :/

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by Kat
It just seems that way since this topic is mine and it seems like you have something against the topic and what it discusses. :/
Kat, just try to put as much information on your situation in the first couple postings to avoid these sorts of supposed misunderstandings. And for the love of pete what does it matter what anyone else on this board thinks about your love life? It's just from people who enjoy arguing for its own sake without even having their facts straight and who seem to thrive on negative feedback. :heyhey:

[Thomas Quinton]

j-women are the best lovers!! And they dig caucasian men for the same reason.

[waverider]

I find the whole relationship thing very interesting where I live. I work on a US military base (I'm not military) and one thing really surprised me. You see TONS of Japanese women with American men but you never see an American woman with a Japanese man. I seldom go out to the bar scene here, but when I do I'm amazed at how many local woman come out of the woodwork to just try and hook up with with the gaijins in the bars.

On the other hand, there is a pretty heavy Yakuza influence in this area. I've noticed that these guys actually ship in women from Russia, Poland, Hungary, Ukraine, etc... so that they can hang out with white women. These woman that they bring in actually have instructions not to converse or relate with any Americans. You see them around town and when they approach you, they will lower their heads and walk by without even a glance. I'm not sure if the Yakuza guys think the Americans will steal them away or what. I guess the US military doesn't have the best reputation over here though.

[budd]

i don't know which part of the post (before the previous) to tear up!
it's all foul -- i don't even want to quote any of it

[Kat]

Originally posted by waverider
I find the whole relationship thing very interesting where I live. I work on a US military base (I'm not military) and one thing really surprised me. You see TONS of Japanese women with American men but you never see an American woman with a Japanese man. I seldom go out to the bar scene here, but when I do I'm amazed at how many local woman come out of the woodwork to just try and hook up with with the gaijins in the bars.

On the other hand, there is a pretty heavy Yakuza influence in this area. I've noticed that these guys actually ship in women from Russia, Poland, Hungary, Ukraine, etc... so that they can hang out with white women. These woman that they bring in actually have instructions not to converse or relate with any Americans. You see them around town and when they approach you, they will lower their heads and walk by without even a glance. I'm not sure if the Yakuza guys think the Americans will steal them away or what. I guess the US military doesn't have the best reputation over here though.

Yeah, I've heard about the Yakuza doing that.

Does anyone know why?

Do Yakuza men tend to like white women and enjoy having sex with them?

If so I'm glad that that character I like in my sig and avatar, Sato, is a Yakuza. Just makes it easier for me to fantasize about doing naughty things with him. :D

[budd]

okey-dokey

[noyhauser]

Originally posted by Carolgirl00
gaah! Yah, what is up with the j-girls chasing after gaijins? Ugh, I really can't see what they see in them. There are tons of j-girls who don't even like j-guys because they think american boys are so coool. No offense to any Americans here though! ^^;; It's just I really don't understand jgirls. *sighs* There's nothing wrong with Japanese men, they're cute too!!

I'm banking on that as my backup if I remain single for very much longer.Actually in the last few months I致e been thinking about my future and relationships. I think in the last few months I have finally hit some sort of stability in my life that I won稚 have to worry about a job after a few years and I can live wherever I would like. But always the missing part of the equation has been relationship.s I guess I知 going to go on a bit of a personal rant here� but I kinda believe this, and It will get to a relevant point; sooner or later.

*Rant Mode on*
I guess I am going to start with some sappy personal stuff. See, for all the talents I have, I have never found someone who I could have a relationship with. That痴 not to say that there haven稚 been girls that I liked, (there was one, who I honestly thought I could fall in love with and was my perfect match and a reaaaaally close friend, except for the fact she had a Boyfriend she loved...I'll tell you it wasn't a pleasant feeling after I realized nothing could happen, and no I never told her). But other than her, I have so rarely encountered a girl in canada who could appreciate me for who I am. See I think the worst failing that I have is that I am shy around girls, like super shy. Its not like I haven稚 been exposed to girls, I have tones of girls that are friends. Its just that I can稚 seem to make any connection to girls from where I am now. For example I honestly can稚 think of something to talk about, I get nervous, then comes the long silent pause, and there she goes to talk to her friends and to get another drink, there we go I致e blown my chance. I go back to talk to my friends they all pick up for the umpteenth time, I go home, check this message board and go to bed (not saying I壇 probably pick up, because I don稚 do one night stands-that痴 right josh you can boo me all you want) Maybe I知 too nerdy in the sense that I do a lot of work and my work is my main interest (International relations if people didn稚 already know).

I think that intelligence is not a trait that is somewhat frowned upon in Japan, neither is being a geek. Im a bit of contradiction of sorts too. One thing people on this board don稚 know about me is that I used to play a lot of Rugby at a decently high level (for a representative team and a Varsity team) until I suffered some knee damage. I used to be really serious about that as well, and I still play and keep fit for it. But I think a lot of people in Canada think Im a bit strange because I hide things. See most of my friends don稚 know that I love Japanese culture. I play videogames, read Manga, watch anime and do all the other geeky stuff. I can稚 tell that to my friends because they wouldn稚 understand, and I always fear that they would make fun of my because of it. Its like I have two lives at home. My social life which I have and most people know me by, and my secret life that I do these things that I and others would consider geeky. In Japan though, I壇 be like every other guy, and girls could accept that without problem.
What I am getting at is that I think a Japanese girl would be easier for me to get along with. See I guess all the stupid complications I have with girls in Canada aren稚 there when I flirt with a Japanese girl. My absolutely brutal Japanese seems to charm, and it痴 a lot more fun, rather than the hard slog I have with people of my own nationality. Also I find that Japanese women are intelligent, and want to be treated that way, since I think many don稚 like how Japanese men treat them, furthermore they are very beautiful and some of the most chic or classy dressing people I have ever encountered. Now here is a major rant, So many girls in North America (I知 going to get hit for this generalization) think that the more risqu� they wear clothing ie, more skin, the more attractive they look. . I don稚 think so at all. I have gone to bars and seen some of the most revealing outfits ever by girls that I go to class with and I tell you my opinion of them plummets. The better dressed a woman is, my respect for her goes up exponentially. And I don稚 mean that showing skin is bad. A miniskirt is always welcome, just that I don稚 think lowcut jeans showing a thong and a high cut t-shirt is that appealing (everybody else does from my friends though) And the place I have seen the best-dressed women in the world? Japan. Your probably thinking right now I must be about 50 years old, but I知 22 and I致e realized this a few years ago.

Maybe it痴 an Ideal I have of Japanese women, from the time that I spent there that is perpetuating this. But I have reason to doubt that. Firstly is that I have spent a lot of time elsewhere in the world and have an amazing streak of being shot down in almost every continent (i'm just waiting till I get research job in Antartica and have some research assistant in a Parka walk away from me to complete the streak). Half of my blood is Austro-Czech (a very long genealogical story) and I致e spent significant time across Europe, and although European women are amazing as well, I just think that I will have a far easier chance of finding someone in Japan then I can than I can here or in europe. I think much as to do that I guess a japanese woman can connect with me better than anybody else could.

*rant mode off*

Anyways I know this has been a pretty personal post but its something I致e been contemplating the last few days. I thought it might be pertinent.

[Carolgirl00]

Well, I must say that was a very nice and informative post. You sure sound extremely different than most of the American men who favor j-women. You were very mature and honest throughout your whole rant! Most male gaijins who talk about j-women (the one's i've talked to, not all I'm SURE. to men who are reading this: you know whethor or not this applies to you! If it doesn't then please don't be offended because I am not talking to you guys.) are very insulting of j-men, women crazy (in a bad way -_- Look at ghettocities for go* sakes!! lol >.<), or too old/unattractive/whatever that the women don't like them in the US. <.< I always shake my head when I see a pretty j-girl with this ugly old gaijin. -_- As you can see, I've only had pretty much negative encounters with gaijins who love j-women.

But, hey, I just got off topic!! whoops- oh yah! Ok, just wanted to say that your post was really thoughtful and it helped shed a new light on gaijin men. I just hope more ppl were mature and sincere.

[kirei_na_me]

It was indeed an interesting post, and very different from the normal banter. I'm glad someone was finally honest and gave us a heartfelt post instead of just throwing around insults.

However, I think a lot of gaijin men go after Japanese women just because they know Japanese women are so crazy about them and that gives them confidence. They know they have a pretty good chance with the Japanese women, because those Japanese women think us gaijin are so kawaii. I think a lot of gaijin men are thinking that if they can't get any other woman, they can have a Japanese woman just for that reason.

I've known some that have had this attitude in the past. They couldn't get out there and find a woman from home for whatever reason, and then they kind of have that "Well, to hell with them! A Japanese girl would be crazy about me! Those Japanese girls are all crazy about gaijin!" Then they get a Japanese woman who thinks they are so cute and thinks they're such a novelty. Then that's when they start insulting the girls of their nationality. Since they were dissed by them for whatever reason, they have to then turn around and insult all of them.

There are lots of us Westerners who don't dress like Britney Spears and who do appreciate someone's intelligence and are very attracted by it and are even attracted to someone who's nerdy! Take me, for example. To me, intelligence and a sense of humor are the two qualities that are most desirable. I also love someone who is geeky, goofy(at times), silly, down-to-earth and at the same time, be extremely intelligent, responsible, affectionate(biggie), loyal, etc. etc. Not all of us are wanting a guy who has to be the life of the party, jockster, muscles rippling, popular, GQ. There are some of us(*cough*) that consider all of those things a huge turn-off.

Anyway, that was my rant. As I've stated before, it gets kind of tiring to hear people say they only want to date one nationality for whatever reason. I have more respect for noyhauser, though, because he actually gave reasons that one could kind of begin to understand and that one could relate to.

I guess in the end, it just boils down to individual preference. I just wish a lot of people would be more open-minded about this particular subject. You should just let things flow and not get hung up on dating someone just because they're of a particular background, nationality, race, whatever.

Equal opportunity dating, dang it! :p

Just kidding. I'm not that politically correct!

*Edit*--All of this aside, some people do not realize how difficult an intercultural marriage is. It might look really nice and cute from the outside, but sometimes--once on the inside--is where that old phrase, "the grass is always greener", might come into place. It is not always easy. It can be downright difficult sometimes.

[Fixxx0r]

I think some of you people are attacking Kat for what she has said and there is no reason to. people will like who they like and no one should judge them for it.

Sex ist ein Schlacht
Liebe ist Krieg

[neptunemoon]

Wow all this controversy going on here. But i will be brave and put up my post. Everything I read is interesing though I havent had a chance to read all of it yet since there are some long posts in here. I too am looking for a japanese male. Now I have yet to date one and I'm not dead set on only dating a japanese guy. I really cant say why I'm attracted to them but I guess it's from all the japanese soap operas I watch. They have alot of physical characteristics that I like but thats besides the point. I just think a japanese guy is someone I would have alot in common with cuz of anime and video games. Though now I have come across many non asians who are into those things and have dated them. But I'm very interested in the culture and would one day like to have a house there maybe to spend summers and whatnot. I have this idea in my head that they are more family oriented and very loving. Though anyone can be. It's just a dream I have and maybe it will come true.

[silver angel]

Very well said Neptunemoon. I can agree with you on that. And I went to that penpal link in the first page of this thread and I'm happy to say that I have a new friend in Tokyo named Hideaki! *jigs a wonderous jig* I think....hang on I'll get back to you on that...

[Carolgirl00]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me

Not all of us are wanting a guy who has to be the life of the party, jockster, muscles rippling, popular, GQ. There are some of us(*cough*) that consider all of those things a huge turn-off.


*coughs with her* >.> <.< Oh goodie- I thought I was the only one! XD

[Kat]

Originally posted by Carolgirl00
*coughs with her* >.> <.< Oh goodie- I thought I was the only one! XD

Yeah, same here.

I use to know a guy that was all those things and I got in arguments with him all the time. I had never been so annoyed by anyone in my life. I just can't stand guys like that. I'd never be able to marry someone like that for sure. I'd just be way too turned off.

By the way, I saw a white girl in my school with an asian guy in my school in the hall today when I walked by and they were making out. So there's a white female/asian male relationship right there I guess. I don't know if the guy is Japanese but he's definitly asian anyways. I just thought I might as well mention it. :/

But I've heard that traditional Japanese men in Japan don't show affection in public. If so that'd be one thing I wouldn't like because I'd like to hold hands while walking places and to cuddle on benches sometimes and kiss. I don't know if I'd make out though like that couple in my school, I don't know if I'm bold enough to do that. Maybe if no one else was really around. :bluush:

[waverider]

"Sex ist ein Schlacht
Liebe ist Krieg"

Cool, I actually understood that. 8 years of German and I can still read it 5 years later! Yay for me!

I actually want a big, fat, sauerkraut on sausage, 140 oz beer guzzling German woman! Oh, silly me, another stereotype.

I'm with kirei_na_me - like who you like and let if flow. Don't limit it to one race or culture. I find it ridiculous.

**This is no judgement on anyone. Just my opinion

[Swifty]

Noyhauser

I'm with you on this one ^_^
Dress nice and dont act like (excuse this) a ditz
cause that is how alot of the woman around here act
I have been with quiet a few woman here and all of which have been
pretty classy girls

but it's something about them that for me and I'm sure alot of other guys like Noyhauser just doesnt click right.

I meet a J-girl the other day

and altho my japanese is horid
she was one of the nicest girls I have ever meet and hope I meet her again someday

but then I meet her friend, and wow was she the total opposite
so that opened my eyes to how people can be totaly different

but did she like me cause I am some jock of all jocks, no
(but by no means am I am 40 year old fat guy :p, 19 and LOVING IT!!)

I respected her and tried to get to know her and did ^_^
we have been talking about how j-girls always chase around gaijins
just because they are gaijin

but again not all j-girls are like that either

so by trying to put down one stereo type we raised another
(not starting another argument, just stateing the truth)

It's all about connecting with people on a certain level
I find I connect better with j-girls thus that is why I like them more

I dont know that was kind of a rant to
but hope i helped ^_^

[neptunemoon]

Originally posted by silver angel
Very well said Neptunemoon. I can agree with you on that. And I went to that penpal link in the first page of this thread and I'm happy to say that I have a new friend in Tokyo named Hideaki! *jigs a wonderous jig* I think....hang on I'll get back to you on that...

I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

[budd]

"What about spanish pple."
there was a family like that in front of me at the delta ticket counter
dude was so cool -- he was like "go on ahead, we have so much luggage..."
i was so impressed at his good english and manners, i declined
but boy did i regret it :) they did have a LOT of luggage :)
an interesting experience :)

[kirei_na_me]

Originally posted by Kat
But I've heard that traditional Japanese men in Japan don't show affection in public. If so that'd be one thing I wouldn't like because I'd like to hold hands while walking places and to cuddle on benches sometimes and kiss. I don't know if I'd make out though like that couple in my school, I don't know if I'm bold enough to do that. Maybe if no one else was really around. :bluush:

Yeah, I would say as a general rule, they don't show affection in public in Japan. When my husband and I started dating, he told me he really liked that he felt more free to hold hands, put his arm around me, kiss me on the cheek, in public here.

As a general rule, I don't think a lot of Japanese are big on showing affection, though. Especially after marriage and even more so after having children. I'm talking men and women alike. This has been a constant struggle for me the whole time I've been married. Trying to adjust to his way of showing affection. They seem to think that staying loyal to one another, providing for your family, taking care of kids, shows enough affection. Those things are important, but for some of us, we also like the touchy, feely kind. One of my Japanese girlfriends would hardly let her husband come near her after she had their baby. She even slept in a completely different room on the other side of the house, which is quite common for them to do after having a child/children.

[Swifty]

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Now that is somthing I didnt know....

Is that only if it a J-girl J-guy relation ship?

or is it all around?

cause that is somthing I was un aware of

and I really dont think I could deal with that..

it's like"how bout I meet you for lunch around 2 and I will stay on the other side of the house till then :p"

please offer some comfort over here :bawling: :bawling: :( :( :relief: :relief:

[kirei_na_me]

No, this was not a J-girl/J-guy relationship. I think the J-guy/J-girl relationships would be worse(at least, as we see it).

But notice I said "as a general rule". It depends on the person. They are about affection the same as they are about the lovey dovey words. A lot of showing of affection can be perceived by them as fake and phony, just like saying "I love you" every breath.

[silver angel]

Originally posted by neptunemoon
I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

I'm spanish! And I gots a japanese penfriend! Male too! XD

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Yeah, I would say as a general rule, they don't show affection in public in Japan. When my husband and I started dating, he told me he really liked that he felt more free to hold hands, put his arm around me, kiss me on the cheek, in public here.

As a general rule, I don't think a lot of Japanese are big on showing affection, though. Especially after marriage and even more so after having children. I'm talking men and women alike. This has been a constant struggle for me the whole time I've been married. Trying to adjust to his way of showing affection. They seem to think that staying loyal to one another, providing for your family, taking care of kids, shows enough affection. Those things are important, but for some of us, we also like the touchy, feely kind. One of my Japanese girlfriends would hardly let her husband come near her after she had their baby. She even slept in a completely different room on the other side of the house, which is quite common for them to do after having a child/children.

Well honestly if I was with a Japanese guy and he didn't show much physical affection I don't think I could deal with it. I'd be going crazy for him to hold me close at night and stuff like that. I wouldn't like it if he always spaced himself out far away from me on the bed. :(

I'm not affectionate with a lot of people myself but when it comes to someone I'm really attracted to I'll practically die to touch them. I'd need it to be fully happy in the relationship.

A male Japanese friend I have though told me that he would cuddle me lots and stuff if he was with me. So I don't know. And there was another girl at a different messageboard I go to who's married to a Japanese guy and she says that they always hold hands and stuff.

So I don't really know. I guess some Japanese would be distant and not really affectionate where as others might actually show affection. Especially if they're with someone who isn't Japanese. Then they might feel more obligated to be affectionate....but I guess it depends on the person.

It seems though that 'most' Japanese aren't too affectionate or not in the touchy feely way at least. And honestly I wouldn't like that. :(

I do understand that saying "I love you." and stuff like that practically all the time though does seem kind of fake. I wouldn't say I love you to my partner everytime he walks in the door or anything. I'd only say it at intimate times while cuddling, etc.

Anyway, this might be too personal a question to ask, I don't know, but are Japanese guys even physically affectionate during sex? I am just curious if anyone can answer my question. If it's too personal though you don't have to, but I'm not asking for details here. I'm just wondering if they kiss during sex and snuggle close or show any kind of loving emotion really....

Thanks if anyone can answer me.

[budd]

:)

[Carolgirl00]

Originally posted by neptunemoon
I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

Um, well I'm asian + latin american. Not Japanese + Spanish, but Chinese + Mexican. I've actually found a couple Japanese that really like latinos and their culture. Did you know that flamenco + tango are quite popular in Japan? ;) Whenever I hear ties of the asians + latin americans it makes me feel really good!

[neptunemoon]

Wow you just gave me hope that is so cool. I love the tango. Maybe I should learn flamenco. As for all the affection talk I'm all about public display of affection. I would probably be stared at or bad mouthed in japan if it's the way you guys make it sound

[silver angel]

I know what you mean! we just got the spanish flare! But you're BY FAR way more pretty and beautiful than I. (Sil-chan...) I love dancing the merengue (sp?) *_* But I feel your pain with the whole spanish/japanese coupling. I'm not even sure if it's happened all that often.

[kirei_na_me]

silver angel, you are beautiful. Don't even go there! ;)

Anyway, there are Asian men married to Spanish women. I think there are several Spanish women on the mailing lists(for foreign women married to Japanese men)that I'm a member of. They do exist!

[neptunemoon]

Silver angel you are very pretty. Listen to me an kirei_na_me. I love the salsa better than merengue and i'm learning bachata to me thats a little hard to learn but I love to dance.

[neko_girl22]

Originally posted by Kat
Well honestly if I was with a Japanese guy and he didn't show much physical affection I don't think I could deal with it. I'd be going crazy for him to hold me close at night and stuff like that. I wouldn't like it if he always spaced himself out far away from me on the bed. :(

I'm not affectionate with a lot of people myself but when it comes to someone I'm really attracted to I'll practically die to touch them. I'd need it to be fully happy in the relationship.

Anyway, this might be too personal a question to ask, I don't know, but are Japanese guys even physically affectionate during sex? I am just curious if anyone can answer my question. If it's too personal though you don't have to, but I'm not asking for details here. I'm just wondering if they kiss during sex and snuggle close or show any kind of loving emotion really....

Thanks if anyone can answer me.

In my little experience with J-men and talking with a J guy friend right now , I guess most are fine in private. It's PDA that they are generally uncomfortable with - it's not polite , really.

My husband was fine in New Zealand and in private he's really sweet, but still finds PDA difficult in Japan. It's a cultural thing and is no reflection on our relationship so I don't worry about it. We were at a convention recently though and he had his arm around me and after the session a lady came up to us with tears in her eyes saying what a cute couple we are. I guess we stood out!

[budd]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0804744629/qid=1068156362/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-4572512-8068707?v=glance&s=books
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1566891086/ref=pd_sim_books_2/104-4572512-8068707?v=glance&s=books
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1566891086/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-4572512-8068707#reader-page

not pda, but interesting/depressing
pen-pal for two years right?
edit: type of emailing me after two days unanswered email "hey, did you take me off the list? where's email?"
eventually came to japan. hey, i don't have pen-pal phone number! i should call and say hey, cat and dog at least
hotel clerk says "let me see the envelope"
translates romajinized name into kanji hello pages number, calls pen-pal's house
meet pen-pal and kick it, no problem?
but it IS NOT until back home i find out from (while he is drunk) jpn nationalist mutual friend, pen-pal is very upset for calling his home
drunk friend "you should have emailed!"
"but what if the plane got canceled?! i was just calling to say hi anyway!"
a lot of arguing
left resturant before him, walked back to his apartment where my car was and vamped

[silver angel]

ouchu! That must've sucked. *pat on back* there there.
My penpals (3, two guys and one girl, 19,17,15) are all from Japan and all I had to say is if they'd like to be friends and they all sent their pictures and told me that they love Canada. ^_^ They are all very nice!

[budd]

actually, i should have known better
i think the previous trip, the night i got in, i called his cell phone, and managed to tell him the name of the place i was staying
but was too cheap to put another ten yen in the phone to tell him the phone number and room :o
next day, went about enjoying the sights (i try walking in a different direction each day)
came back that night, and hostel clerk/ra told me he had called
i was like cool, shrugged and went back out until i got tired enough to sleep till next morining straight (curfews)
went to breakfast after cleaning up and all that
ten gotta be out, so they can clean the room
took a nap
woke up at nine thirty or something, staggered to the door to visit the broom jic, and saw this note had been under the door
"dear bud, i am waiting for you in the lobby. please meet me when you get ready to go."
just walked through the door and he was sitting there reading a book... he been sitting there for at least an hour and a half judging from the time on the note
see what i'm saying? here in america, i got jokas calling me at 1:00 - 6:00 am in the morning/banging on the door/begging for money, and this man didn't even knock during the daytime to tell me he was there!
so i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that somebody that treats people like that, EXPECTS TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT IN RETURN...
just one of many lessons learned the hard way...
anytime i advise somebody against doing something in japan/america, it's probably because i already did it :( and suffered the consequences

[Kat]

Originally posted by nzueda
In my little experience with J-men and talking with a J guy friend right now , I guess most are fine in private. It's PDA that they are generally uncomfortable with - it's not polite , really.

My husband was fine in New Zealand and in private he's really sweet, but still finds PDA difficult in Japan. It's a cultural thing and is no reflection on our relationship so I don't worry about it. We were at a convention recently though and he had his arm around me and after the session a lady came up to us with tears in her eyes saying what a cute couple we are. I guess we stood out!


Awww....well I think that's very sweet. ^^

And I guess if I had a Japanese guy and he showed me affection in private I'd be fine because I'd still be getting it. ^_^

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by Kat
So I don't really know. I guess some Japanese would be distant and not really affectionate where as others might actually show affection. Especially if they're with someone who isn't Japanese. Then they might feel more obligated to be affectionate....but I guess it depends on the person.
My boyfriend is extremely physically affectionate in public if he intends on us going to a hotel, but not really much at all after that. Maybe that is the accepted pattern, I don't know. We're both a little shy about asking for sex, so I don't think it really has anything to do with me in particular, but somehow it does still seem a little confusing or uncomfortable. :confused:

[Hypertokyo5]

It's ok, Kat, I am attracted to Japanese men to, and I am a western foreignor. :l

[Troyka]

ok what I see here is this..It happens a lot in NY that Asian guys don't pay attention to their asian gf . It looks like these girls are just slaves of those guys...Anybody saw that beffore...I didi many times

[Gaki]

Originally posted by Troyka
ok what I see here is this..It happens a lot in NY that Asian guys don't pay attention to their asian gf . It looks like these girls are just slaves of those guys...Anybody saw that beffore...I didi many times

You saw one instance of their relationship and u think that's how they are treated all the time ?


(-_-; ) ~ ~ 3

[Carolgirl00]

<.< Yes, what Troyka stated sounded very steriotypical. Japanese men are not any less than white men. Everyone has opinions, but we must always remember that we are all the same inside. =\

[DarkLadyRei]

Well,
hahahaha ^^;;; *scratches head then sweatdrops* I guess it's also because of what Neptune said, I'm interested in Japanese guys, because I can talk about anime with them, and maybe I'm somewhat curious. But they are physically beautiful however, like they could be models or something. But one thing for sure, is I'd never just only want to date a Japanese guy. I'm totally not denying myself of all other cultures...All men are beautiful of every race, color. I mean, just because, I'm into Japanese guys right now, noticed them (watching anime and dramas) x_x; I don't think one of em would give an Indian girl like me the time of day....*sigh* I never seen it. Even though I'm not bad looking at all xD....Oh well, at least I can drool or dream Whoo hoooooooooooo! :clap:

[neptunemoon]

Maybe one day you might find a japanese guy darkladyrei. I just want to date at least one. See what it's like. I did date one asian guy he was cambodian. Very loving guy. I think I was the only non asian chick he dated. He eneded up emotionally messed up from his past relationships. I had liked this one chinese guy. Had really nice hair. He liked me too but somewhere it didnt go so good. He ended up hating me cuz I had a crush on him. I couldnt believe it cuz he was my friend too. I would have liked to have dated him oh well.

[DarkLadyRei]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! ^^; Maybe who knows, but your post made me soooo happy Neptune. *sniffles* ;-; And I totally am all for public affection myself. But knowing me, I'd probably scare everyone away over there or earn jaw drops o________O;;;; But, I still hope the guy would stay. xD Sorry about your Chinese friend. Anyways, hopefully there's still hope for us in finding a our Japanese guy dream dates *-*

[hargaR1]

Very interesting, try being japanese on the outside and being brought up in australia, ( makes me white on the inside) niether race looks at you as you are,,, try explaining that you like white girls as that all you know your whole life? ( just like any forener would)
or how does a japanese looking guy go up to a japanese girl with broken japanese words like a white guy does and expect her to belive you don't speak good japanese, ( she thinks your acting so she will be interested in you )
oh well your thoughts will be interesting,
I myself love all races mainly as I grew up with so many differnt people,
how about you?
to find out more on me you can visit my new thread at:
http://www.jref.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6589

[SacredBlue]

Just about all Japanese guys I know would jump through hoops to have a foreigner girlfriend. Probably for the same reason some Japanese girls will do the same to date foreign guys. However the difference is, that the average Japanese man is much more shy then your average Japanese woman, so I guess one would have to be assertive.
From what friends (girls dating Japanese guys) say it seems they're having a good time. Very loyal and kind but shy when it comes to affection, etc.

I wouldn't worry about skin color. Alot more Japanese guys might be attracted to white skin, but I couldn't really see a Japanese guy saying no to dating a cute indian girl, I'm sure a fair amount of non-Japanese wouldn't say no to that either :blush:

ganbatte ne

[DarkLadyRei]

Awwwwwww you're so sweet Sacred! (oookay gettin a bit mushy there) :blush: That gives me a tiny sparkle of hope ^-^; hehe But otherwise, your post made me smile.

[kirei_na_me]

As a matter of fact, there's an Indian woman in my group for foreign women married to Japanese men. She and her husband make a beautiful couple. Last time I heard, they were expecting their first baby. There are women from a lot of different cultures married to Japanese men.

[DarkLadyRei]

Wow! That's so awesome to hear Kirei_me. Hearing that, gives me an even bigger hope than ever before. ^_______^ Thankyou so much for that beautiful post! That's a first for me so it really opened up my eyes and mind. :)

[MikeM]

Heh... I got a Japanese penpal who I have been talking to for the past few months. She is really nice and she is helping me with learning Japanese.

Eh... yeah, I like Japanese girls but I like Western woman as well... I like all woman. I have only dated caucasian girls so far but I am starting to really like this Japanese girl... but yeah, she is not fluent in English so that gets in the way I guess. We'll see what happens.

She is very shy so in my experience, Japanese girls tend to be shy but thats only one person and I will not judge! :D

I'm Italian so I have tan skin lol... lets see how this turns out! :bluush:

[DarkLadyRei]

Awwwwww go for it Mike! ^^ Whooo hooooo!
So? Alot of people find tans sexy. (Not that I'm trying to pick ya up or anything) lol Some Japanese guys, have tans I think o_______O Like Gen from the drama, My blue sky....
But it shouldn't matter, love has no color ^.^v *Hmmmm where did I get that?* ?_?

[MikeM]

Originally posted by DarkLadyRei
Awwwwww go for it Mike! ^^ Whooo hooooo!
So? Alot of people find tans sexy. (Not that I'm trying to pick ya up or anything) lol Some Japanese guys, have tans I think o_______O Like Gen from the drama, My blue sky....
But it shouldn't matter, love has no color ^.^v *Hmmmm where did I get that?* ?_?

Heh. thanks. I'm going for it... we'll see what happens. :)

[Golgo_13]

Originally posted by Kat
Hi. ^_^ I'm just curious to ask this...

For the Japanese men on the board, how many of you are attracted to foreign western women? Do you like them at all?

And for the Japanese women on the board, how many of you are attracted to gaijin men?

Thanks if you can answer. I'm just curious because I would like to know how many Japanese are interested in foreigners or if they're really only interested in other Japanese people...

I'm a foreign girl who's attracted to Japanese men....and that's kind of why I'm curious about what Japanese men tend to like. I'm physically attracted to Japanese men....I don't know what an actual relationship with one would be like though!

I'm a bit shy about posting this topic! :bluush:

It all depends.

For me, it's not an all-or-nothing matter. There are very good-looking WHITE women whom I could be attracted to, then there are some downright homely WHITE women. Same thing with Oriental women. I've dated White women and White-Oriental mixed women. I've never dated a 100% Japanese woman since it's not everyday that you can meet a Japanese woman in the U.S. Someone like Yasuko Sawaguchi, I'd marry in a second. See her photo in my Member Gallery photos.

Besides, I need to be with someone I could get along with and enjoy spending time with regardless of one's race. At this point, I'd be happy with someone like that as long as she's of the same species.

[MeiWAkU]

er...i am japanese/phill. i like all kinds of girls. looks don't matter, all bout the personality but, it seems every girl i've liked is gaijin. maybe it's just me?!

[Keeni84]

Hey guys, I just wanted to put my input in here...

I'm a multi/Black girl who is going to Japan next year. Now, reading this thread has left me with two impressions:

1. That Japanese girls want Western men over Japanese men
2. That Western women have to be white to get a Japanese guy, and even then, that's rarely going to happen.

Now, please, correct me if I'm wrong, because this thread was a little confusing from the get go. I'm not really into the whole J-guy thing---like some of you saying "I want a J-guy because they are so cute" or things like that. I'm not into anime, I'm not into this whole "kawaii" thing. I'm probably as "Western" as they come.

But...

Going to another country for a year and not hooking up at least once would be tragic! I DO like to have fun, ya know!

Now, for someone who's not really looking for an "in debth" relationship, like a serious, "let's get married" sort of thing, what are things such as the party scene like? I mean, I don't want to go to a club, and just dance by myself or anything like that. Are Japanese guys (in general) afraid to aproach non-Western girls in a club/dance situation like that, or will I (generally) have to make the first move?

Reading this board, I've seen conflicting arguments. One [black] woman said that she had to beat the Japanese guys off with a stick. But now, some people are saying that J-guys won't even look at you if you're not the Blond American/French type. What is the "real" deal like, for those of you who have been to Japan.

Kirei_na_me, how was it for you? How did you meet your husband? Were you even in Japan at the time? Oh, and for the rest of you out there, how did you find the Japan clubbing scene? Thanks!

ありがとうございます！！！

:)

[kirei_na_me]

Originally posted by Keeni84
Kirei_na_me, how was it for you? How did you meet your husband? Were you even in Japan at the time?

First of all, Keeni, I loved your post. It made me smile. ;)

Well, I met my husband at work here, in the U.S. He has been over here for about 9 years. He was my boss! *gasp*

Anyway, I know for sure that at least a few black women are married to Japanese men, and I'm sure there are a lot of them dating Japanese men. I think maybe Japanese men haven't been exposed to black women enough yet. There have been loads of black men in Japan because of the military bases and all that, but I don't think there have been enough black women over there. You know, white women/Japanese men couples have only started to gain popularity recently, and I think with time, we'll see black women/Japanese men couples becoming popular too. I think a lot of it has to do with the media's influence there. The image of a "beautiful" Western woman, to them, has always been a blonde with blue eyes. I'm not that stereotypical Westerner, though. I have naturally dark brown hair and almost black eyes. I think their image might slowly but surely be changing in that area now.

All of this depends on the individual, I guess, and to be honest, I think the main thing they care about is your personality. In my experience, they like someone who is outgoing and friendly and someone that they can talk openly with. They also like independent women, contrary to popular belief. Really, I've found that they just like women who will let them be themselves. Oh, and a lot of them really like curves... :p

Go over there and and win 'em over, Keeni! :happy:

[Keeni84]

Oh, and a lot of them really like curves...

Yup...I think I've pretty much got that part covered! :blush:

I think it's cool that you hooked up with your boss. My mom did the same thing. :)

I'll take your advice, and thank you!!

どうもありごあとう！！！

:clap:

[DarkLadyRei]

Yeah Keenie! GO GIRL! GO GET EM! :clap:

Oh man, did I start to sound like one of those "Oh my God, I wanna Japanese guy cuz he's Japanese, and he loves anime like me type of girls"??! Ugggggggggggh! *bangs her head on her computer screen* I guess I really don't know that much, @_@ heh heh I don't wanna be one of those type of ppl who just follows the crowd, like it's such a new trend or whatever.
Anyways, I forgot to mention ^^; *culture wise*, dating ppl of other backgrounds/cultures it would be pretty cool to learn about each others cultures

P.S.Thanx for telling me about this awesome site! ^^
:victory:

[Keeni84]

Oh no! You didn't sound like that at all! *wink wink*. Just kidding.

Anyway, it's okay if you (this board in general) are interesting in J-guys because you like their culture, and you like anime and you'd like to talk with them about anime and stuff. I'm just saying that's not where I'm coming from.

And if anyone thought I was talking foul about them because they like Japanese guys based on looks alone--that's not what I'm trying to do here. All love/attraction (within reason) is cool. :)

Don't worry! I'm sure you'll "get 'em" too! You seem like a really cool person! :cool:

[Feral-Darkness]

When I went on vacation to japan when I was 16, I was getting hit on ALOT bye girls. It was rather freaky seeing as how I am not really considered very attractive here /shrug... Corse I was the tallest guy around most of the time and I am not sure but that may play into the same kinda part as how alot of american women like black men.

Can't wait to go back =) I just hope I can take my car with it. I doubt many japenese chicks have seen a muscle car. <3 my cobra 65 mark 2 roadster reproduction.

Does any one know much about the laws for cars in japan? Last time I just walked or took trains most of the places

[Golgo_13]

Originally posted by Keeni84
Hey guys, I just wanted to put my input in here...

I'm a multi/Black girl who is going to Japan next year. Now, reading this thread has left me with two impressions:

1. That Japanese girls want Western men over Japanese men
2. That Western women have to be white to get a Japanese guy, and even then, that's rarely going to happen.

Now, please, correct me if I'm wrong, because this thread was a little confusing from the get go. I'm not really into the whole J-guy thing---like some of you saying "I want a J-guy because they are so cute" or things like that. I'm not into anime, I'm not into this whole "kawaii" thing. I'm probably as "Western" as they come.

But...

Going to another country for a year and not hooking up at least once would be tragic! I DO like to have fun, ya know!

Now, for someone who's not really looking for an "in debth" relationship, like a serious, "let's get married" sort of thing, what are things such as the party scene like? I mean, I don't want to go to a club, and just dance by myself or anything like that. Are Japanese guys (in general) afraid to aproach non-Western girls in a club/dance situation like that, or will I (generally) have to make the first move?

Reading this board, I've seen conflicting arguments. One [black] woman said that she had to beat the Japanese guys off with a stick. But now, some people are saying that J-guys won't even look at you if you're not the Blond American/French type. What is the "real" deal like, for those of you who have been to Japan.

Kirei_na_me, how was it for you? How did you meet your husband? Were you even in Japan at the time? Oh, and for the rest of you out there, how did you find the Japan clubbing scene? Thanks!

ありがとうございます！！！

:)

I've seen Japanese TV shows where they feature mixed couples, and I've seen Japanese males on the show who had done Peace Corps tours in Africa and brought back to Japan African brides. These women seemed sweet and hard-working.

I think it's all a matter of personality and "luck"