There was one unfortunate trend I observed when I was last in Japan: cheating. Cheating, cheating, cheating. I met several Japanese guys who tried to defend it, saying that they think that cheating once is ok, and expected, because it makes them manlier. Granted, this was in the younger set (college age), and judging by the reactions of Japanese women who were "mad as heck and not going to take it any more," I doubt it's a fad that'll last much longer.
I would most likely have a problem if I married a Japanese man and lived in Japan, not through any fault of his, but because I can't be a housewife. Even if he were okay with me working, too, our neighbors and his colleagues would likely look down on him/us, and with such insanely long work days, who would be there for the children?
life and men
That is an insane generalization! I can't believe what I just read.
Love, first of all is not selfish... Marriage, second of all is a partnership and bond which requires sacrifice.
Third, Japanese men are beautiful human beings, like the rest of us, who are growing, learning, living and getting by which ever way we can.
If, by any chance, a person should fall in love with a Japanese man, it is up to the two people to make it work.
Love can sometimes be a full time job. And a family is hard work.
Don't fool yourselves by thinking it's easy to be a husband or wife. It is whether or not you would be a good husband or wife, to the person you choose, which is the real question.
Not trying to sound naive here, but...
Would most Japanese men find it to be out of the question to cook for you once in a while? Or doing some of the more "feminine" things?
I'm not saying that it can't work, and I'm not making wild assumptions or accusations. It's the truth that right now in Japan, due to the expectations of society and the way the system works (women are much less likely to get promoted due to the fact that they usually quit once they get married or have kids, and the work day goes from 7 am to late at night, if you count overtime), women are expected to be at home. The problem with other people is "hitome no mae", or in front of the eyes of others. We would most likely find pressure, esp if there are children involved, for me to quit working, and with such long hours, one of us would have to be home. He'd make more money and be in a better position to be promoted, so where would that leave me? It doesn't matter if my husband supported me in my need to be out of the house and working in my career (housewives are a strong lot, but I'm just not one of them), the public, economic, and emotional strain would be a real concern for me, living in Japan. If I married another foreigner in Japan, I doubt the expectations upon us would be nearly as high.
And if you're referring to the cheating thing, that's been my experience in the groups that I met. I'm not saying that all young Japanese men are like that, only that among the ones I met (and in popular culture these days), that seems to be their general opinion towards it. Cheating amongst young men almost seems to be a fad these days, but one that I doubt will last. Of course there are just as many Japanese men who would never cheat on their ladies. I'm just saying that that's what I heard, and since the thread asked, I thought I'd mention it.
I agree with akaitsume1's quote below, it really depends who the guy is and how that perticular person feels about cooking and stuff.
Some guys, yes, but I've met a few guys there who loooooooooooved to cook. Japanese women who want to work do seem to have a few issues lately with guys not wanting to help out around the house in return, but that doesn't surprise me. If you have a more traditional guy, he might not want to help you out. If you have a more...hm. "Forward-thinking" guy, I suppose, he probably wouldn't have an issue with it.
Thanks you guys. :-)
Gosh the people here are so nice. :blush:
Oh, you just wait! :p
About the "fad" akaitsume brought up, I don't think it will go away any time soon. Moreover, I do not think it is a Japanese thing. In a lot of societies, young people in general tend to be promiscuous, I believe. I was a college student in the US and boy, I can tell you stories...
Two income or ‹¤“‚«(tomobataraki) households are growing in numbers. My brother's family is one as a matter of fact. Does he help out around the house? Yes and no. He cooks dinner every night , but is that really enough? I don't think so. His wife still cooks all the other meals, does the laundry for the whole family (they have 3 teenagers), etc.
It is true that more and more men enjoy cooking nowadays but I have a feeling they do it more as a hobby.
As some of you have mentioned, the women are becoming more and more assertive and with it, the society's attitude as well as that of the men will change, hopefully removing the stigma attached to the idea of women having a career in addition to being a wife and a mother. I see that happening slowly but surely even in rural areas like the one I live in.
Haha, oh dear, perhaps there're some bullies here? :relief:
Thank you for the info, that all makes perfect sense. :-)
I haven't been to Japan yet (I was born there though and am half) but my girlfriend is an grad student student who lives in Tokyo. She's Japanese and has lived there all her life.
From what she's told me it is fairly common ~40-50% for BOTH males and females around the ages of 20-25 (most likely a bigger age range but just saying) in big cities like Tokyo to be unfaithful and never tell their partner and it seems fairly common for a japanese girl to have two boyfriends and also "one night stands" are common.
This is just what she's told me and from all of her friends and her own experiences.
Back from the f*cking dead that which shouldn't have existed to begin with. Necromancer galore.
I'm not in the market for Japanese men myself but I think one could agree with the fact that people are a product of their society and upbringing. As it has been pointed out, cheating and generally not sharing household duties are among the less desirable traits often exhibited by Japanese men. I would say this is an unfortunate side-effect of a very male-oriented and dominated culture focused around them never truly being able to leave the workplace. If it wasn't so commonplace I think it wouldn't happen so much.
Most of my students say that the most important thing to them is to be at home with their families and do family oriented things, and I would hazard a guess that working really hard also, in their minds, is something done to serve those ends.
Hmm, I don't know of any statistics, but I have a very different impression from my personal experience.
i have known some and some are good others are savages but most of them are generous when it comes to dating and giving gifts