Japanese Parents Uninhibited ?

[lexico]

My son just returned from his trip to Isakawa-ken on student exchange.
He seemed to have had a good time with the hosting school kids and family he stayed with.
One thing he found amusing was the unexpected fact that the hosting parents would teach him words referring to private parts, laughing all the way.
Hmm...I improvised an answer, "Well, Son, that's not too surprising.
Japan is not heavily Confucian as China or Korea, so they are less inhibited.
In a way it's good to be natural and humourous, isn't it ?"
"Right, Dad. And we talk about it, too."
"Yeah. It sounds like you've had some good fun with the locals."
"Yes, I did."

My question is this; was my improvised qualification justified, or was I only bullshitting to glide over the embarassment ? Are many Japanese parents so very casual with foreign exchange students, or their children's friends in general ?

[smoke]

I'd like to think you were bullshitting! However i have no idea if it was justified!

[Pachipro]

Originally Posted by lexico

My question is this; was my improvised qualification justified, or was I only bullshitting to glide over the embarassment ? Are many Japanese parents so very casual with foreign exchange students, or their children's friends in general ?

Honestly, I think you were just bullshitting to glide over your embarassment at the situation as it probably took you by surprise and you were so taken aback that you didn't know what or how to answer.

Whether Japanese parents are so casual with foreign exchange students I couldn't say, but I do know from first-hand experience that they are not at all embarassed to speak about private parts openly no matter who is around or what their age is. I have heard Japanese parents refer to the penis as "chinchi" while changing a baby's diaper while the older kids were in the room. I was taken aback at this, but was also surprised that they were so casual about it, especially with older siblings in the room. I have heard kids and elders, sometimes even grand-parents, using the word in a number of situations. However, I have never heard them use such words when referring to the female anatomy. Maybe it's because most of my friends had boys, I don't know.

As a whole, I found very few Japanese, both male and female, who were inhibited when talking about the private parts of the anatomy. As in the situation above, they are so casual about it that it continues to take me by surprise. One can even notice this on some Japanese variety shows where they openly use the word "opai" when referring to the female breasts or "chinchi" for the male penis (although "chinchi" is a somewhat childish word similar to "the pee-pee" in American English), "asadachi" (lit. morning standing) for morning wood, or "kintama", (lit. golden eggs) for the male testes.

[lexico]

Thanks, Pachipro for filling in all the details, the words, which I was honestly too embarassed to ask, "So what did they call it ?"
Now it seems much better understood. Coming to think of it, we are not that inhibited either with infants and young children, but with older ones in 5th-6th grade or higher, or with guests, I'm not so sure, which puzzled me a bit. Thanks again for clarifying that. (So I guess it's not just on mature TV channels !)

[misa.j]

My parents do not fall into the category of Japanese parents who are uninhibited, especially my mother was very selective with the words I could use when I was growing up.

It might be a reflection of my father's vocabulary which was rather rough than casual. She always tried to tell me to speak properly and not to use such words for private parts in public.

The parents of younger generation might be a lot less strict with their chidren, though.

[kirei_na_me]

This makes me think of something funny. When my in-laws were visiting, my husband's sister said something about chinchin in front of me, and although I didn't realize it, she giggled at my face turning red...

[epigene]

I think the Japanese have been less inhibited about speaking about private parts of "children, especially little boys." Adults consider children's private parts "cute." When my kids were little, it was socially acceptable to mention my kids' parts in front of others, when changing diapers, potty training, etc.--though not in graphic description.

When it comes to adults, that's a different story because it has sexual innuendos. Whether parents are reserved about that differs by family I think. Conservative families like ours do not mention sex (and private parts) in front of children. Our kids are already adults but are discreet about discussing the topic in front of us. However, I feel the numbers of people like us are dwindling with the openness about sex on TV and other media--although whether children is given accurate sex education is ALSO an another story....

[Maciamo]

I don't count the number of times I have heard my wife talking about "oppai" (breasts) to her female friends (it's almost on a daily basis !). I hear people talk about "chinchin" (penis), "kintama" (literally "golden balls", i.e. testicles), etc. in restaurants, between relatives, friends or (a bit less) colleagues. They even talk about it on TV in entertainment shows. They are unhibited, but often they really sound childish to me. I also don't count the number of times I have been told this or that food is good for the "chinchin" or heard people say that this or that food is good for "oppai". That's one of the favourite discussion topics of the Japanese, and one of the reason I think they (i.e. the average, not all) are shallow and childish. Even my wife's grandmother doesn't mind making sexually explicit remarks in front of everybody. I'd rather discuss politics, linguistics or philosophy (that's partly why I have over 5000 posts here in just 3 years ).

[GaijinPunch]

and one of the reason I think they (i.e. the average, not all) are shallow and childish.

I'd hate to see how you rate the average American. Ever stop to consider cultural differences? I personally don't see why everyone should be so shocked when referring to genetalia. It's practical, and something that pertains to everyone.

Politics, linguistics, and philosophy can not only bore some, you might piss a few people off -- especially if you throw in stereotypical comments on how you think the average person of their race is childish and immature. Sure, they're based on your experiences, but you seem to be more than impressionable based on some topcis you've participated in here. There's probably just as many people on the other side of the story. The only thing I've seen consistently strange when it comes to such a situation is the cleaning ladies in Japan, constantly cleaning the mens room, even when it's a full capacity.

For the record, I've never been involved in such a conversation with my family or friends on either side in public. I have had my weight commented on in public a number of times though.

Also for the record, I now live in a place where doctors (real ones, educated in the US, with Phd's) ask their full grown patients if they need to "go make shi-shi".

[Maciamo]

Originally Posted by GaijinPunch

Ever stop to consider cultural differences?

I love analysing cultural differences. That is what I do in lots of threads/articles on this site. However, I am a human and therefore have my personal preferences. I take what I like or dislike in each culture, and reject the rest. There are many elements that I like in Japanese culture (hardwork, accuracy, lack of religiousness...), but others that I dislike. It's only natural, and I don't see how you are entitled to say otherwise.

I personally don't see why everyone should be so shocked when referring to genetalia. It's practical, and something that pertains to everyone.

I don't find it shocking, just childish. It's natural and practical, but so are the talks about "unko" and "shiko" which are as uninbited. What differenciates an adult's language to a child's ? An adult won't start talking about their pee and poo, or their genitals and laugh about it. Many adult Japanese do. I prefer more mature conversations.

Politics, linguistics, and philosophy can not only bore some, you might piss a few people off

These were just examples of mature conversations. I don't mind talking business, culture, history, psychology, sciences, technology, computers, the latest news or whatever else is not puerile and futile.

The only thing I've seen consistently strange when it comes to such a situation is the cleaning ladies in Japan, constantly cleaning the mens room, even when it's a full capacity.

This, I accept as part of the Japanese culture. The Japanese also don't mind going to public baths or onsens nude, sometimes without gender separation. German speakers are also less shy regarding nudity. I personally hate onsen, public baths or common changing rooms, regardless of other people around are male or female. I would walk nude in the street, so why should there be places where it is ok to be seen nude by total strangers ? If nudity was so normal, then why civilised societies have developed clothing so early, even in hot countries where it is unnecessary ?

Coming back to your comment about cultural differences. I do understand and accept that such differences exist, but I may not agree with them. You can only live choosing one path, and thus rejecting the other. To choose is to renounce. At least I did not choose to embrace a whole monolithic culture, but various separate elements of different cultures, or just based on my own sensibilities and mindset.

Also for the record, I now live in a place where doctors (real ones, educated in the US, with Phd's) ask their full grown patients if they need to "go make shi-shi".

One of the thing about comparing cultures, is that there will always been categorisations of each culture to differentiate them. One such categorisation is the level of maturity vs childishness. Of course, it's not as simple as to say that one culture is more mature than another. It depends in which regard. The Latins (Italians, French, Spaniards...) may be more mature than the Germanics regarding interpersonal relations and sexuality, but less mature regarding topics of conversation or self-discipline. The Japanese are quite mature regarding self-discipline or understanding other people's feelings, but utterly lack maturity when it comes to talks related to sexuality or 'primary functions'.

Note that puritans (mostly in the US) who are the opposite extreme and cannot bear any open references to sexuality (i.e. very inhibited), are as immature as the most uninibited Japanese. Maturity lies in the balance, not in the extreme. A mature person will be able to discuss sexuality without embarassment, but will refrain from making stupid jokes and talks about it or use childish words for genitals or exccrements (like the Japanese do).