Pickled Plums and Hot Towels

[Pachipro]

Anyone who has lived a while in Japan, or knows a little about Japanese food, knows that an umeboshi is a salty, pickled Japanese apricot/plum. Foreigners know them as plums. They are usually small, about the size of a gumball, pink or brown, and salty as all hell. Sometimes they are dried, like prunes, but still salty as hell. One can’t help but wince when they are tasted. The Japanese say that these pickled plums help to balance the alkalinity and ph of a person’s body. The more you wince the more your body’s ph is out of balance. They are correct as studies have proved. Umeboshi are usually not on a menu in a restaurant, but can be bought in a store or made at home.

An oshibori is a moist, hot in the winter, cold in the summer, hand towel that is given to customers of a restaurant, bar, or snack so that they may clean off their hands and face before being served or after using the rest room. If you’ve lived in Japan you know they are a most welcome treat. You’ve probably received one if you visited a Japanese or oriental restaurant in your country or on the plane over.

The two words are not very similar in sound but, to a person not familiar with the Japanese language, it’s easy to mistake words when first learning and trying to use the language in public. This is one such story.

After I met Sachiko, I soon signed up for a Japanese course that was being offered by the University of Maryland’s extension on the base. I had been studying basic Japanese for about six months or so and was grasping it quite quickly, or so I thought, as I had the advantage of practicing it with Sachiko and her family on the weekends. I stopped studying after basic Japanese 1 & 2 as I had only wanted to get the basics of speaking, reading, and writing down and figured I could learn the rest in real life.

I was working at the Camp Zama Hospital at Sagami Ono station and late one night a few of us were sitting in my room listening to music and “smoking.” After a while we developed a bad case of the “munchies” and were deciding where to go to get something to eat. No one but me was in the mood for ramen again, but late at night that was about the only food available other than at a snack as all restaurants around the train station were usually closed by 9pm.

I remembered that, in my drives around the city, I noticed a Denny’s had recently opened up not far from the base. I mentioned this and everyone was fired up about getting some “real” American food.

This was something new to Japan at the time: “Famuri Lestoran” - “Family Restaurants” they were called, and they started popping up in the mid ‘70’s. Denny’s was one of the first and they were also the first full-service restaurant open 24 hours a day in Japan. Here, one could get all the coffee one wanted for about 120 yen (36 cents!) along with a hamburger or a western meal, or some curry rice or ramen. The bottomless cup of coffee was unheard of at the time as a cup of coffee would set you back about 2-300 yen and you were limited to only one, small cup anywhere else.

Anyway, we drove the short distance from the base to the restaurant located out on route 16. We were greeted at the door by a woman who bowed to us and said, “Denizu eh yookosou. San mei sama desuka? Welcome to Denny’s. Will there be three of you?” while holding three fingers up.

I answered, “Hai, yes”, while thinking sarcastically to myself, “Of course there’re three of us. Can’t you tell?” I still had a lot to learn.

Another man at the register, wearing a white shirt and black tie, also bowed and said “irasshaimase.” This was the manager. The cooks and the other two waitresses also yelled “irasshaimase” as we were led to our table. If we didn’t know we were in Japan we could swear we were back in the states as the restaurant was an exact duplicate right down to the booths, counter, lights, and menu.

“This is great,” we said as we sat down.

I could tell that the young woman was perplexed that three gaijin men had entered the restaurant as she was quite nervous when placing the menus in front of us.

After we were seated at the booth I watched her as she immediately went to the manager and said something. He, in turn, went over to the window behind the counter and said something to the cook. The cook then yelled, “Eigo wakarimasuka? Speak English?” to someone we couldn’t see. I couldn’t tell if anyone answered. The manager then went over to the waitress, said something to her and she went around to the two other waitresses and spoke to them. By the back and forth nodding of their heads, I took it for granted that she was asking them if they spoke any English and, to her dismay, they were answering no.

We looked at the menu and made our decisions. It was quite easy as the menu was in both English and Japanese. We’d start off with coffee. We waited a few minutes and still no one came over to us. Our waitress was busy politely ignoring us and she was probably hoping that we’d just leave or something. I caught the manager’s eye and raised my hand indicating that we wanted some service. He called to the waitress, pointed in our direction, and she came over with her order book in hand.

I, being the “speaker” of Japanese, decided that I would put this waitress at ease by speaking Japanese. “Kohi san pai kudasai,” Three glasses of coffee please”, I said with utmost confidence to her not realizing that I had made a mistake here. I should’ve said, “Kohi mitsu kudasai, three coffees.”

She quickly wrote it down and my friends each ordered what they wanted by pointing to the picture, or saying it in English. Me, the big speaker of Japanese, trying to impress my friends and this waitress, ordered in the Japanese accent.

“Boku wa cheezubaga to fulenchi fli kudasai, I’ll have a cheeseburger and French fries,” I said, knowing this had to impress her. She gathered up the menus and brought us our coffee a few minutes later along with some silverware.

After a few minutes I noticed that we weren’t given the oshibori, the hand towels that all customers in a restaurant were given to wash their hands and face with. I knew they had them in this restaurant because I could see that others had them on their table. I caught the waitresses’ eye and, after she came over to the table, said confidently, “umeboshi kudasai, please give me/us a pickled plum.”

I was so confident of my language ability that I didn’t even realize that I had asked for a pickled plum instead of a hot towel.

“Umeboshi desuka, you want a pickled plum?” she said with a dumbfounded look on her face.

“Hai umeboshi kudasai, yes, pickled plums please,” I said in return while making a circular motion with my hand around the table indicating that I wanted one for all of us. And why do you look so confused? We’re customers also, even though we may be gaijin, I thought to myself.

You can see that I was very sarcastic after being in Japan a little over a year and feeling a little of the prejudice and animosity sometimes aimed at gaijin, especially around a military base.

“Shoshomachi kudasai, just a minute,” she said with a little bow and went over to the manager.

My friends asked me what I was saying and I informed them that I was asking for the hot hand towels. They knew what I meant as they were familiar with this Japanese custom and agreed that they wanted them also. It hadn’t dawned on me that I was using the wrong word as I was very confident in my Japanese ability and I “knew” perfectly well what I was saying.

After a minute or two our waitress returned and said, “Sumimasen, umeboshi wa nai’n desu, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any pickled plums.”

Now I was getting a little irritated as I could see that the other customers had, and were being given hand towels as they were seated.

“Umeboshi hoshII’N DESU,” I WANT a pickled plum! I said, raising my voice a little as I spoke looking her in the eye.

Now she was really nervous and looked towards the manager. The manager came over and said something like, “Nan desuka? What’s the matter?”

I looked at him and said, “Umeboshi kudasai, Umeboshi hoshii’n desu. Oneigaishimasu, please give us some pickled plums. We want pickled plums. Please do us the favor.”

He in turn repeated that they couldn’t serve us any pickled plums as they didn’t have any.

What in the hell is he talking about? I thought to myself. I knew damn well they had the hot towels.

In my frustration, I put my hands up to my face and vigorously moved them up and down in the motion of washing my face, while saying in an irritated voice “UMEBOSHI KUDASAI!! GIVE ME A PICKLED PLUM!!”

I then made the motion of rubbing my hands in one another, like I was washing them while saying again, “Umeboshi! Pickled plum!” My friends meanwhile were laughing at my actions.

At this point the waitress looked at the manager and said, “Ohshibori. Kare wa tabun oshibori hoshi’n desu. Hand towel. Maybe he wants a hand towel.”

The waitress then looked at me and said something like, “Oshibori desu ka? Do you mean a hand towel?”

Upon hearing the word oshibori, I instantly realized my mistake. My face must’ve turned a hundred shades of red and I could feel myself starting to sweat. If I were a snake I probably would’ve slithered out the door I was so embarrassed.

I looked at her and said in a soft voice, “Hai oshibori desu. Sumimasen. Yes, a hand towel. Excuse me.”

She said, “Hai,” and both she and the manager bowed and left. She returned a few seconds later with our three hand towels.

I relayed to my friends what I said and the mistake I made and we enjoyed our American food while laughing about that language blunder on my part. They were laughing more at me, than with me. And rightly so. However, that mistake stayed in my mind throughout the meal and it bothered me that I had made a fool out of myself and embarrassed not only myself, but the waitress and manager also.

I was humbled by that experience and never again arrogantly thought that I “knew it all” when it came to the language, even after I became quite fluent later on.

My friends never let me forget it either as they always kidded me about it throughout their tour.

Tips are not a custom in Japan, but I left her a 500 yen tip and apologized to the manager when I paid the bill at the register. He just waved it off and said in English with a smile, “No Probrem.”

Looking back on it later, I really felt sorry for the waitress and the consternation I caused her by mistakenly using the incorrect word. She was professional through it all though, and I’m sure she still laughs today, as I do, when she recalls the gaijin that wanted to wash his face with pickled plums.

[Kara_Nari]

Another little gem! Im glad I got to this one while it was still new
I think we all make silly little mistakes like that when learning a new language. Worse times are when you say a swear word instead of the nice polite word you thought you were saying.
Heheh sometimes its nice to be evil and do odd translations too.... Not that I would do things like that *ahem*

[Maciamo]

Hilarious ! I guess such mistakes have happened to all of us who have learned foreign languages in real life situations.

Originally Posted by Pachipro

Anyone who has lived a while in Japan, or knows a little about Japanese food, knows that an umeboshi is a salty, pickled Japanese apricot/plum. Foreigners know them as plums. They are usually small, about the size of a gumball, pink or brown, and salty as all hell. Sometimes they are dried, like prunes, but still salty as hell.

That's strange; I have never thought of umeboshi as salty. They are just very sour to me. But when people tell me that they don't like ice cream becauseit's too sweet, I also can't understand them. Ice cream may have a lot of sugar in it, but the cold covers it well enough. It's not as sweet as, say, jam or chocolate.

The Japanese say that these pickled plums help to balance the alkalinity and ph of a person’s body. The more you wince the more your body’s ph is out of balance.

I thought that it helped digestion because the sourness made one salivate more (?)

[lexico]

This is an absolute gem, PachiPro. I laughed myself to tears, now I need a oshibori to swipe out my tears and blow my nose. You developed your growing annoyance as the communication failed, thinking all the while they were lying to you, without the slightest hint that your embarassment was also growing in proportion !

And it was nice of you to put the translations right next to the Japanese so a non-speaker like me could enjoy it too. Yes, I've made my blunders, too, but never to your height of exquisite sophisticaation ! Great story !

[Shibuyaexpat]

Joe,
It could've been worse. You could've said that the waitress smelled like an umeboshi .

Great story! I was in tears imaging that hand motion over your face.

Keep 'em coming!

[Kara_Nari]

Lexico! You wouldnt blow your nose on the oshibori would you? At the table???
*shock horror!* Remind me not to use any oshiburi when Lexico has been to that particular restaurant (jk), I have had sour umeboshi that taste a little salty before too. I quite like them. Just the normal pickled ones, and the dried ones. Yum so sour!

[misa.j]

Great story, Pachipro!

I can kind of understand how those two words confused you. Both of them have four syllables and start with a vowel.

[eemaan]

I was cracking up the whole way through this story thank you so much for brightening up my day! Haven't posted in a while so it was a welcome story to prompt me to post. Thanks again!

[madyf]

this very interesting story, i can`t imagine your face at that time..
u will never forget this story i until the end of your life.

[DoctorP]

wow, old thread that I guess I had missed...

I've seen this type of thing happen quite often here. I've seen quite a few foreigners get irritated when the waitress or counter help didn't do what they wanted, only to realize that they were using the wrong term and just confusing things for everyone.

I too have had similar experiences. Not necessarily mixing up words, but perhaps just pronouncing a word incorrectly and causing a great deal of confusion.

Last year I was building an aquarium for our pet turtle, Suzuki-san, and I went down the street to my neighbor who is a glazer in order to get some glass. After making the initial aqarium, I decided to make some more modifications to it by adding a sunning platform and a ramp. When I returned for more glass for my project (I was using the scrap that he threw out daily), he questioned me as to what I was building. I attempted to tell him that I was building a new home for my pet turtle.

Evidently I mixed up the word kame (turtle) and kami (paper). He couldn't understand why I was building a home for my paper or why I was evidently planning on submerging it in water! I on the other hand grew quite frustrated as I kept repeating what I had said previously and couldn't understand why this native speaker couldn't grasp this simple project idea! Now add to the frustration that I had begun using gestures to explain this idea (picture me acting like a turtle!) and finally we were all in understanding.

I didn't find out until about an hour later, when I was explaining this to my wife, what I had said wrong. Needless to say I was quite embarrassed and rushed down to apologize.

[Pachipro]

Originally Posted by CC1

Evidently I mixed up the word kame (turtle) and kami (paper). He couldn't understand why I was building a home for my paper or why I was evidently planning on submerging it in water! I on the other hand grew quite frustrated as I kept repeating what I had said previously and couldn't understand why this native speaker couldn't grasp this simple project idea! Now add to the frustration that I had begun using gestures to explain this idea (picture me acting like a turtle!) and finally we were all in understanding.

This is so funny it should be a thread of it's own. Great anecdote CC1 and quite funny as I know EXACTLY the feeling you had when you confidently thought you were using the correct word and couldn't understand why the person you were talking to could not understand you. And the embarassment and humbleness you must've felt afterwards when you discovered your mistake. Your wife must've cracked up laughing, as mine did when I relayed my experience to her some years ago. Great story! Thanks

[DoctorP]

Thanks Pachipro, but I wouldn't have made this my own thread, as I do not have your writing skills! I know it must have looked funny when I tried to imitate being a turtle and poking my head out of my shell!

[Dont Hesitate & Go]

That gave me a good laugh!

I feel sort of bad for the waitress though..that would've been mortifying..

[Kyoko_desu]

Originally Posted by Pachipro
I put my hands up to my face and vigorously moved them up and down in the motion of washing my face, while saying in an irritated voice “UMEBOSHI KUDASAI!! GIVE ME A PICKLED PLUM!!” I then made the motion of rubbing my hands in one another, like I was washing them while saying again, “Umeboshi! Pickled plum!”

Originally Posted by CC1
I know it must have looked funny when I tried to imitate being a turtle and poking my head out of my shell!

Ahaha! Cuuuute! And great stories, Pachipro-san and CC1-san.
I really enjoyed them, thank you so much for sharing!

[nurizeko]

Heh, cool story.

[Mikawa Ossan]

Just giving some new life to a great thread! Please be sure to read the OP and post #10 by CC1!

[sabro]

Thanks for reviving this one.
Turtles and pickled plums! Who would have thought.

My Karate Sensei always says "Back Cat Stance" as Niko Ashi Dachi... instead of Neko... it always left me with a smile. Isn't Niko- Smile or beef or something?

[kalavinka]

thanks for sharing, that was so funny! the one japanese mistake i made that really stands out to me was when i was living abroad with japanese flatmates. we were talking about food and even though i only know a few words of spanish, sometimes it replaces my japanese lexicon. i mistakenly went over the ingredients and called garlic "ajo", which is fine in spanish but not something you want to say to your japanese friend's face! her face went blank and i was puzzled as to why she didn't know what garlic was or what was wrong. then i realized what i had said and tried to apologize and say the correct word. my face turned to the color of umeboshi.

[alkalinelife421]

ahhh! what a great story! what if they had brought the plums to you! would you have washed your hands with them... lol! j/k!

[Echigo]

Your story reminds me of something that happened to me back when I was a student. I had to pee so badly that I was about to burst my seams one day on the subway. Getting off and running up the stairs, I saw no signs for the toilets as the station was under some sort of construction and detours were set up all over the place.

Spotting a station attendant, I ran over and asked "o-tearai wa doko desu ka" to which he asked me "doko de mo ii desu ka" and I answered in the affirmative. He pulled out a map and showed me where to go outside the station. After walking for about 2 minutes, it dawned on me that I must have confused "tearai" with "tera" as I found myself standing dumbfounded in front of a small temple and still in desperate need of relief!

[Incognito69]

Pachipro, Haha! One of those interesting stories which I've heard. I shall have to tell this to my friends and make them remember. Mistaking words are actually very dangerous as it could have done damage.
Echigo, actually I told my teacher that I needed to pee in the temple when I just started learning nihongo. I'd confused tearai and tera too.
And this reminds me of what happened during my last trip to Japan. I went to Japan with some friends last december. I wanted to go shopping with another friend first so we split into 2 groups. One of them who's still taking elementary nihongo, went off to eat with her little brother first. When we came back, she told me that she wanted to know what kind of meat the chef has put in her donburi, she asked "kono kuni wa nandesuka (what country is this)?" The chef looked stunned and pointed to the earth, pointed to himself and screamed "NIHON da!" My friend was shocked by his reaction because she did not know that she'd used the wrong word. She had actually inverted the word Niku(meat) into Kuni(country).

[JamesS]

I remember a few years back when I went to work in holland with my Dad, we had were in the hotel restaurant and my dad was slightly tipsy. I needed the loo and asked my dad what 'man' was in Dutch and went off to the loo. On exiting the toilet facilities I encountered a middle aged Dutch woman who gave me a very funny look and I smiled back. She said something under her breath and entered the toilet I had just exited. I went back to the table wondering why this woman had entered the men's room. I hadnt noticed it before but my dad was giggling incessantly, and when I enquired he burst into fits of laughter and told me that he had told me the Dutch for 'woman' instead. Needless to say I went pale as a ghost and hid behind a menu when the woman walked back into the restaurant.

The moral of the story never trust your father

[JoeG]

I just registered to say great stories Pachipro. I forget what I was searching for last night but I ended up in this forum reading all of the stories you have posted over the last 5 years in the personal stories section, some very interesting and touching stories, you have a great story telling ability, thank you so much for sharing!

[konki_d]

That was an awesome story, Pachi! Not only was your narrative interesting and hilarious (I was laughing on the edge of my seat, so to speak), you wove in some wonderful ideals to be mindful of.

I know I struggle with my pride - A LOT! Maybe I will make eating an umeboshi once a week a new ritual to remind me of your tale and the very poignant lessons therein.

Thanks much for sharing!

[Pachipro]

Thank you JoeG and konki_d for taking the time to read the story and I'm glad you enjoyed a little slice of my experiences in Japan. Even today I often think of that experience and my arrogance at the time and it sure taught me a lesson that has stuck with me these many years. I have so many other experiences to share that I really should get back to writing again instead of debating on political forums. Thanks again for your input.