Ancient Techniques for Modern Living

[Bucko]

Below is a part of letter I wrote home not long ago. Thought you'd all enjoy it.

Ancient Techniques for Modern Living
For a while now I’ve actually been considering joining a yoga class. I felt my life was lacking the spirituality and oneness needed in order to release the lion from within and fly like an eagle. However, as of Friday, my problem has been solved, for we moved into our new house and discovered that there is actually a small room here that is specially designed for such spirit and mind stimulating activities such as yoga.

In Japanese, this room is called a “toirei”, pronounced “toy-rei”, which, when translated into English literally means “toilet”.

Yes, that’s right, the humble toilet. And I use the word “humble” in its fullest capacity, because after using this room, you probably feel more humble than Emperor Hirohito did when he surrendered to the Americans in 1945.

What we have here, is actually an Asian style squat toilet (i.e. small hole in the floor) that has been converted into a Western style sit-down that we all know and love. And by “converted” I basically mean a specially designed toilet seat and lid is placed on top of the hole. Now that’s all good and well as far as I’m concerned, as we are, after all, in Japan, a country notorious for is strange lavatories, and besides, before leaving Australia we both accepted that there were probably going to be instances when we were going to have to step into the completely unknown and accept cultural oddities. (Oh, and by the way for anyone wondering, yes squat dunnies do flush.)

Now what does any of this have to do with yoga and spiritual enlightenment? Well you see, the room itself is so damn small that from the moment you step into it to the moment you step out, you put yourself through about thirty or forty different twists and turns and manoeuvres that by the end you really do feel like a Hindu Swami.

For example, disrobing oneself involves turning 90 degrees, shuffling, twisting to the left, tilting forward 15 degrees, shuffling again, putting your left leg onto the ledge, then twisting your right foot around, putting your left leg back, then a slight turn in order to get into the required standing position.

Sitting down on the seat involves letting oneself fall back slightly then stabilising oneself using the walls, lowing oneself down onto the very back of the toilet seat (one’s knees are now touching the front wall), then shuffling forward moving one’s knees up and out, eventually arranging oneself into a foetal like position.

Now because it’s an Asian style toilet with like half a centimetre of water one must do a few “courtesy flushes” during the course of using the facility to avoid the putrid smell. This is done while still seated. One must lean back and to the left, then twist to the right, then with one’s left hand flick the flusher button once or twice. This is the “flush-as-you-go” method.

Getting to the toilet paper mirrors the “flush-as-you-go” procedure except with a final extra twist as the toilet paper holder is a little further back.

Finally, re-robing oneself basically involves following the disrobing procedure but in reverse.

[epigene]

I know very well what you're saying, Bucko! You remind me of me decades ago...

I had the same problem when my husband and I lived in an ordinary Japanese apartment and I was big (8 to 9 months) with a baby...

My husband installed that simple Japanese-to-Western converter for me, and I had to undergo a very similar, careful ritual...

Turned into this:

Though mine was a short-term problem, I do sympathize with you...
May the Goddess of Fortune bring you a real Western-style toilet--and in a larger cubicle!

[Bucko]

Hah! That's exactly it!! I can't imagine being pregnant and using one though, man that's gotta be uncomfortable!!

[Kinsao]

Going camping with 3 people inside a tiny ridge tent designed for 2 people also enables similar physical and (presumably?) spiritual yoga-ish benefits. The robing and disrobing procedures are particularly interesting.

[Pachipro]

Thanks for sharing that Bucko. Good explaination. Man did I hate those things. I had one in my first apartment that I had to use for 5 years! I never did get used to the damn thing and still had to press my hands against the walls or hold the pipe in front in order not to lose my balance. Thinking back on it I should've invested in the "converter".

When using one in public I found it safer to take all items out of your back pocket first as I lost a few combs down there and was afraid that one day my wallet would be next.

[Bucko]

Originally Posted by Pachipro

When using one in public I found it safer to take all items out of your back pocket first as I lost a few combs down there and was afraid that one day my wallet would be next.

The rare times when I actually do use one of those in public, I completely disrobe. I'm too afraid of what might happen if I don't!