"Circle" - Hope I don't get in trouble for posting this

[Hyde_is_my_anti-drug]

WARNING!!! This fic contains: Yaoi (boy/boy relationship), mild sexuality.
Fic Type: J-Rock
Disclaimer: I do not own/am not affiliated with Gackt, Hyde or L'Arc~en~Ciel. I am not making any money off of this work.
Rated: PG
Author Notes: This is a very short fic that I was inspired to write after reading the fanfics "Tuesdays", "Impello" and "Cyclic." I thank the authors of the 'fore mentioned wonderful fan fiction, I could not have written this piece without you. Also, there may be a part two to this fic but I haven't decided yet.

Circle

There are some people who are so completely different from you that your personalities come around full circle, making you one and the same.
He loses control on stage, I keep control at all cost. He's an optimist, I am the ultimate pessimist. He's married, I wouldn't marry again to save my soul. He laughs a lot, I do not. He trusts everyone, I know better.
Our list of differences could go on forever yet it's that selfsame list that bound us together from the beginning. It is a strange connection that we have, I'm not sure how to name it.

Is it love?

The best way to put it, I believe, would be to describe how he performs. When he's on stage something happens, something changes. He is no longer gentle Haido but Hyde the charismatic Lead Singer of L'Arc~en~Ciel. The music pulsates through him, moving him. Emotions spill out from his voice and over his face like water, not a calm stream but a raging sea. He has no control, he lets it all go leaving nothing but raw humanity in its barest form. I, on the other hand, would never dare to lose control. It's not that I don't feel the music or the emotion, I do, but I never let it control me. Whereas Hyde is ruled by the emotion of the moment.
The way a person performs reflects who they are in life. I calculate everything, but he acts on impulse without thinking it through. So the first time something happened between us I was the one trying to talk reason, "What about your wife? Your child? What if we're caught?" But he wasn't thinking clearly and it didn't take long before, frankly, I wasn't either. Passion overruns reason every time no matter the situation.
And now we're trapped in a never ending circle. About once every month he shows up on my doorstep, eyes wide and vulnerable as he asks, "Gaku-chan, may I come in?"
Every time I know I should say 'no' but somehow it always comes out as 'yes' instead.
We try to talk at first, pretending that's all we're there for; good conversation. But it's a lie and we both know it.
He's always the first to make physical contact, scooting in close to me on the couch, placing a hand on my cheek, and then kissing me. Kissing me as though we're the last two human beings on Earth. As if his very survival depends on that kiss. He makes love the same way; passionately, desperately. Sometimes I think his survival really, truly does depend on it. Not his physical survival of course but his emotional survival.
Later, when we're both completely spent, he gets up, puts on his clothes, calls his wife telling her that recording ran late and that he'll be home soon. And then I hear the front door close, he's gone. I cry every time I hear the click of the door shutting, swearing "never again!" But one month later I always find myself opening the door for him saying, "Yes, you may come in."

No. No, this is not love.

End

A/N: Please, nobody kill me! I hope no one found that offensive but I put warnings so don't blame me!
If a site admin or mod thinks I should take this down then let me know and I will.