How do japanese feel about dating gaijin/foreigners?

[Tokis-Phoenix]

This is just a curiosity thread, but how do japanese feel about dating gaijin/foreigners in todays society in general? Would you say its still considered not very socially acceptable or is just a novelty thing that shouldn't be taken seriously etc, or would you say people are becomming alot more open minded in japanese society now days?
Is it more acceptable for a japanese person to date a white/western person than some other person of non-asian decent?
Is it more acceptable for japanese men to date foreigners than a women? Are there any particular asian countrys where its still commonly considered a big no-no to date their people if you are japanese?
Any thoughts/veiws/comments on this topic are much appreiciated as i'd like to know your opinions or experiences !

[jonerik]

My girlfriend's great aunt and grandfather know about me and approve of the relationship (I met the great aunt for the first time in November). Her mom and her brother know about me and disapprove of the relationship. Her father doesn't seem to know much - if anything - about me and everyone in the family is too scared of him to talk to him about it yet. Her friends appear to be generally supportive of the relationship, but they're all in their 20s and perhaps more openminded about such things.

I'm not too sure how much of the disapproval is due to the fact that I'm American and caucasian and how much is due to the fear that she'll marry me, move here, and never return to Japan. My impression is that the latter is the larger fear in their minds. Her great aunt used to be the main one leading the charge against me, but when I was there this last time we had lunch and something I said or did seemed to change her mind since she was trying to get me to stay longer and meet my GF's mom.

[misa.j]

I would say it is definitely getting more acceptable than how it used to be, say 20 years ago, for a Japanese person to date a non-Japanese in their society, although it does not necessarily mean that more Japanese people are interested in interracial relationships.

Also, I think the families and friends who are closely related to a couple have different reactions and oppinions about it from the society in general.

[yukio_michael]

I think maybe, it's slightly more accepted--- over time this is inevitable that things change in this direction. Still, since the language and the culture isn't any more disseminated than it ever was--- It's still a pretty closed society.

I think there is a novelty to dating gaijin--- I think from worse to best reaction, it goes, society, family, friends--- Though, a country that calls indigenous Koreans "gaijin" certainly can't really be said to be integrated, now can it?

[Kinsao]

Can it also be the case, sometimes, that there is a kind of 'status symbol' for Japanese woman to have a white American boyfriend? I have heard of this... don't know if there's any truth in it though...?

[caliope]

I think it is probably more common for a white guy to date or marry a Japanese lady. I got a lot of dirty looks and insults (from white people, not Asians) in US for dating a Japanese guy. If I had been a white guy with a Japanese girl it probably would not have been such a big deal. From my experience, Japanese people seem a little more open minded about interracial dating than in my country.

[mad pierrot]

From my experience, Japanese people seem a little more open minded about interracial dating than in my country.

I respectfully disagree.

[Supervin]

Originally Posted by Kinsao

Can it also be the case, sometimes, that there is a kind of 'status symbol' for Japanese woman to have a white American boyfriend? I have heard of this...

I think this would be the case for the lesser developed countries in Asia Pacific, but not so for Japan.

Even in those other countries, that too depends on wealth and social status - often the least privileged would opt for marrying into what they perceive as a richer future, so targeting Caucasians. And often this is a result of family pressure or upbringing as to what's perceived as wealthy and so on.

But like I said, this wouldn't apply to Japan.

Originally Posted by caliope

I think it is probably more common for a white guy to date or marry a Japanese lady. I got a lot of dirty looks and insults (from white people, not Asians) in US for dating a Japanese guy. If I had been a white guy with a Japanese girl it probably would not have been such a big deal. From my experience, Japanese people seem a little more open minded about interracial dating than in my country.

I don't think you should use the US as a means of comparison with Japan, because Asian-Americans marrying Caucasians is completely different.

If you were a white guy instead dating a Japanese girl, you would get flak also from Asian-American guys and perhaps from Asians as well. Either way, interracial relationships get more attention in public, both good and bad. Whenever a race is dating another, it's perceived as out of the ordinary, where self-worth issues (that can cause jealousy) and heritage issues arise. You would just have to ignore the nastiness and not take it personally.

I've heard that when it comes to marriage, in Japan, families can disapprove and all that. However, there also are instances where families did not have issues at all - as was the case with a Japanese guy (not Japanese-American) and a Caucasian girl from the US that I know. So it can be hassle free if you're lucky.

[caliope]

Sure, everyone will have different dating experiences in Japan. Sometimes when I was out with my boy friend (a Japanese guy) people thought I was half Japanese (I'm actually Native American). That didn't bother me. In Japan people seemed curious, but they were not rude or mean.

[celtician]

Yeah only "white" because these foolish Jap women think it's cute to have a half white baby but the problem is they don't have the brain to think about what happens after the 'kawaaaiiee' is born. Banal
Certainly improves this primitive mixed race.

[Lo San]

Japanese girl seem like they are not as mature as girl from other country. I believe may be they stay with their mummy for too long.I experiece it mysely. I know a girl from Togane-she,she use to visit Singapore.very often,as she is entitle free flight,since she work with Singapore Airline at Narita airport.We spend a lot of time together,but in feeling and relationship,they behave like 13 yrs old,even though she is already 33.

[Lo San]

Oh,yes.I more think I like to add is only she is in trouble i.e Sick or feeling unwell she will Email,and tell you what happened.so I used to call her.
whwn things is Ok she seem like turning a cold shoulder toward you.

[godppgo]

Originally Posted by Lo San

Oh,yes.I more think I like to add is only she is in trouble i.e Sick or feeling unwell she will Email,and tell you what happened.so I used to call her.
whwn things is Ok she seem like turning a cold shoulder toward you.

Be a man! Take care of your girl! .....just kidding.

I don't think they are immature, it's just that some asian girls (especially young ones) expect their bf to do everything for them. Some asian guys actually like it because they feel that they're needed and trusted.

[gaijinalways]

From my experience, Japanese people seem a little more open minded about interracial dating than in my country.

I have heard this same comment from someone dating Japanese women visiting Hawaii. I don't agree, but there are close minded people every where, I just think people here are more likely to oppose a wedding simply because outside of Japan is often perceived as being scarey.

Japanese girl seem like they are not as mature as girl from other country. I believe may be they stay with their mummy for too long.I experiece it mysely. I know a girl from Togane-she,she use to visit Singapore.very often,as she is entitle free flight,since she work with Singapore Airline at Narita airport.We spend a lot of time together,but in feeling and relationship,they behave like 13 yrs old,even though she is already 33.

I don't think they are immature, it's just that some asian girls (especially young ones) expect their bf to do everything for them. Some asian guys actually like it because they feel that they're needed and trusted.

My wife acts like this sometimes. yet, she does a lot, so we kind of share the load! But sometimes, I would like someone who would be a little more independent.

I would say for younger Japanese in university, many are equivalent to others in junior high school! But, once they start working, they usually 'grow up' fast (some, like amywhere, are just spoiled!)!

[Minty]

Hmm come to think of it I better put this elsewhere.

Sorry.