6 months in Japan as exchange student

[Mrjones]

Hello Japan reference people, I have been watching this forum some time now and since I live in Japan I deceided to join you.
My English is not perfect, but I have you can understand me.

I came Japan 6 months ago as an exchange students, I have one year plan here in Japan. I live in rural area called Shimmachi, which is part of Gunma prefecture. There are no other exchange students, from Europe or US. There are few foreign teachers however and few students from other foreign countries. 50% of students in my college are Chinese exchange students.

I am posting this here becouse I need to get this said. I only say it here becouse I probably can never tell for my parents how I feel about Japan after living here. Japan is great country, and I understand that I live in rural area where people can sometimes be little different. There can be a change of attitudes partly in Finland too depending where you travel or living as an foreigner. "We are only 5million people though so racisim doesn't show usually and we are quite individualistic in finland too, in my opinion."

My parents have teached me: Always to be as humble as possible and never use violance, never stare anyone especially into eyes, it is considered rude in some cultures. Do not raise your voice and express anger... etc. The normal rules of how to be polite.

After arraving to my new living area, in Shimmachi, these questions rose into my mind.
- Why some Japanese people think, they can read my mind ?

In the first evening after arrival to shimmachi, I had traditional evening meal at my landlords house. (My landlord is a great guy, no offence really) They were talking in Japanese, Why I came to Finland. First they asked me the questions and I explained the best I could. (I had studied little bit Japanese before coming to Japan. about one year) After I explained my intrests to culture and the Geography, the landlords wife suddenly came up with idea I just want to marry Japanese girl.
She just said it, I never said anything like that. There have been other cases too, where Japanese people think they can stereotype me.

Later it became clear that without Japanese girlfriend life in Japan would be even harder and I found one.

-when are you going home ?
This was the first questions Japanese students asked me, on the first minute I stepped to university area. Followed by question. You are going home right, I hope you don't stay, please I hope you go home soon. This question was asked by Japanese people, not by Chinese exchange students. Come on, at first day of your exchange student period. The college also point tutors to help me. The tutors showed up at first day when I came to Japan. Then they dissapeared and never showed up or kept contact to me again, so I was also of course out of cell phone or any communication tool.

I came to show intrest to someone elses culture like ikebana, anime /manga, and religion and this is how they treat me. Trust me I have had very little trouble listening "hashi joozu desu ne " and yes I can eat with chopstics. I can't even eat at school restaurant. They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks. I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad

-I don't want to be in picture
Japanese turists came to my country fairly often. They usually also take lot of pictures. In Japan it seems that picture taking is not looked to be very good thing. Actually it feels that there are only few things which turist should photograph and those are decided by Japanese people.

also:
You can add __________________ the crap here. I had to listen from my teachers on the last spot.

Japan is a good country for Japanese...but some people really might want to think and change their attitudes. In my home college I don't ran to exchange students and start asking when they are going home and such.

Well things are better now.. 6 months have based and my life is pretty normal. I like it here, but I don't never make communication with my college students again. I just go to classes and thats it.

My family also teached me another important thing. Never give up.

[ricecake]

Well,everyone has a story to share on how's life for them living in Japan as a non-native.

Good read.

[kooo]

I PMed you already, but I found something really charming and sweet about reading this (not the way you were treated, obviously, but your attitude towards it and your writing style.)

I'm glad you're doing better now in Japan. It's good you figured out early how to make your situation work for you and followed through with it. I've noticed a lot of rudeness from college students too, so you're not the only one.

[misa.j]

Hi Mrjones, welcome to the forum! Thanks for sharing your experience.

I know how some people in Gunma can be backwords and judgemental because I grew up there, and I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time in Japan. I'm ashamed of those people who said rude things to you.

It sounds like you are going in the right direction by focusing on your classes and not taking the negative comments personaly, though. I hope you get a chance to get out, see different parts of the country and learn about the culture and geography that you are interested in.

[pipokun]

I came to show intrest to someone elses culture like ikebana, anime /manga, and religion and this is how they treat me. Trust me I have had very little trouble listening "hashi joozu desu ne " and yes I can eat with chopstics. I can't even eat at school restaurant. They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks. I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad

No matter how many times you have to answer the boring questions for you, it is their first question for the guys you meet. If they were really unpolite as you said, no question to be asked at all.
And for the coming 2nd year crisis which many exchange students may complain of, just think you're treated not as a guest, but as a friend.

[kazika]

Hi jones, Thanks for sharing your experience.

[Mrjones]

pipko-kun would you be pleased to see your countrymen treated same way in foeign country ?

[nice gaijin]

Mrjones, I think it's awful that you feel that you've been treated poorly, but perhaps if you stepped back from the situation and tried to see it from another viewpoint, things might not seem so bad.

[pipokun]

If the guy who got surprised at your chopstick skill would show the same attitude again, he/she must be a genius or stupid. But when you close off the first contact, you cannot tell if they are stupid or not.

The 2nd year crisis I meant is when you may feel Japanese friends turn to be less friendly, usually from your 2nd year or just the more often you meet them. I don't have any friends who are always good to me, but they are friends of mine.

[Mrjones]

Nice Gaijin: Are you trying to say that in the other point of view i would need to be looked as gaijin or not gaijin ? And who would not feel bad, after first day or weeks like thins?.. ok maybe I am an weak one.. would that give an excuse ?
Pipokun here:
My point is ecxatly, you cannot tell who is stupid and who is not.. by talking two sentences

.Also beound from this.. why are unmarried or divorced woman worse than anyone else..

[nice gaijin]

I'm saying that there are two sides to every coin.

[Mrjones]

I am saying there are 500 students, and they have all right to be unpolite against foreigners.

[ricecake]

I think Japanese attitude toward foreigners varies in geographic regions across Japan,there are outsider-friendly prefectures or cities and others aren't.

[Mrjones]

Yeah.. nobody is perfect and anyways I am over it. It is time to concentrate something else. Thanks for opinions, I keep reading them.

[pipokun]

[QUOTE=ricecake;391390]I think Japanese attitude toward foreigners varies in geographic regions across Japan,there are outsider-friendly prefectures or cities and others aren't.[/QUOTE
For example?

[nice gaijin]

Originally Posted by Mrjones

I am saying there are 500 students, and they have all right to be unpolite against foreigners.

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what you meant by this. Do you mean that they have all been mean to you? In what way? Did you stop talking to other students because they complimented your ability to use chopsticks?

[Mike Cash]

This is why I always find it so amusing when foreigners who have never been to Japan but are planning a trip ask questions obsessing over how to behave so as not to offend the Japanese.

And I usually tell them not to worry about it, because the Japanese will give almost no thought at all to how not to offend them.

Mr. Jones,

When you are new and fresh in Japan, this is the standard sort of thing practically everybody experiences. If you stay long enough....eventually it stops and instead of people being fascinated with you and being actively rude to you they will shift to mostly ignoring you.

[Faustianideals]

Sorry people treated you so badly. I know how that is, hell I get it from my fellow americans. But you know, if I travel abroad..even to London or Paris for example..I think would be accepted by the society there more so than I would in the USA.

Thanks for the read. Your english skills are just fine, I understood every last word.

[Gentleman10]

It's really unfortunate that you're Japan experience didn't go very well. If you continue having an interest in Japan, I'd *definitely* move to an area where more people are comfortable with foreigners (Tokyo etc).

Honestly I can't say how much that's hurts to hear. The summer of 05 I was also an exchange student to Japan, and really, that was an amazing experience I can never forget. I really really hope that if you're current situation isn't going well, then *please* keep your interest in Japan. Maybe you can go to Tokyo next time?

[firefly]

It could be considered pretty rude to say "when are you going home?". I know a guy who speaks Japanese like a native, been here for 20 years, has a wife and 3 kids here, and people still ask him "so, when are you going home?". He answers "I AM home!".

After a while in Japan, these things that used to frustrate you becomes pretty funny. I wrote about this on my blog actually - things that used to really PISS me off are now just amusing. Natural progression, I guess !

[Gentleman10]

haha Firefly, that's a good attitude . Actually it's a pretty good attitude towards life in general really. When you think about it, there's going to be just as many things in Japan that piss you off there that will piss you off wherever else, so somethings just gotta give.

[Nall-ohki]

I hate to say it, but almost nothing MrJones said strikes me as being overly sensitive. This said, this type of behavior is typically a symptom of culture shock. Before you say I'm reading too much into it, Google the subject (I can't post URLs yet, sorry)

Symptoms:

• Sadness, loneliness, melancholy
• Preoccupation with health
• Aches, pains, and allergies
• Insomnia, desire to sleep too much or too little
• Changes in temperament, depression, feeling vulnerable, feeling powerless
• Anger, irritability, resentment, unwillingness to interact with others
• Identifying with the old culture or idealizing the old country
• Loss of identity
• Trying too hard to absorb everything in the new culture or country
• Unable to solve simple problems
• Lack of confidence
• Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity
• Developing stereotypes about the new culture
• Developing obsessions such as over-cleanliness
• Longing for family
• Feelings of being lost, overlooked, exploited or abused

Forgive me for being harsh, but I have to point out what I feel is not neccessarily a problem with the way the Japanese people treated you, but a problem with MrJones' frame of reference - that is, he's seeing Japan through his own very un-objective eyes.


"After I explained my intrests to culture and the Geography, the landlords wife suddenly came up with idea I just want to marry Japanese girl."

This could be taken any number of ways:

• She was serious, and trying to be being rude (this is the way MrJones took it)
• She was curious, and wanted to know if that aspect was there (some Japanese women are curious about foreign men due to stereotypes surrounding them)
• She was teasing, and wanted to lighten the mood
• She was stereotyping, and trying to put you into a class of people she could understand (read below for more)

"She just said it, I never said anything like that. There have been other cases too, where Japanese people think they can stereotype me."

Japanese people stereotype people. It's part of thier culture. They as a whole identify with a group, and so one of the first things they try to do is put you into one so they can relate to you.

One of the things they do not do well as a culture is deal with foreigners - at least many do at first. You don't fit into any of classes of people they have for relating, nor do you seem to give any answers that they can easily comprehend.


Let me state this in a straightforward way: being stereotyped in Japan may offend your sensibilities, but it does not offend the sensebilities of the Japanese - they do it all the time, and not just to you - everyone in Japan is stereotyped to some degree or another.

Have you noticed the obsession with uniforms in Japan? They're there for an important social reason - your clothes identify who you are and how you should be related to. Students, buisness men, janitors, nurses, EVERYONE has uniforms.

Saying that you're offended by being stereotyped is paradoxically saying that you'd prefer people treated you differently than they treat each other. From what you're writing, I think you'd prefer being treated the same.


"when are you going home?"
Again, this is a question that seems rude on the surface, but is a symptom of the same love of stereotypes I wrote about above.

• You're from Finland, and I'm assuming you're caucasian.
• Most caucasians in Japan are English teachers
• Most English Teachers in Japan stay for a while, and then go home

This is another stereotype - they're not asking you "Why haven't you gone home yet?", they're asking you based on the unstated assumption "Gaijin eventually go home."

It's not a good assumption, but it's the one that they're working with.
Let me ask you this:

You meet someone who's a student, and ask them "When are you graduating?" but that person is actually not going to graduate, but instead is going to quit school next semester, should that student be offended?
I mean, they're a student - they're planning to graduate, right?


"They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks."

So you gave up, then? What was the point of coming, anyway?


"I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad"

Then perhaps you should - anger is a normal reaction to stress, and stress is something you will get a lot of while dealing with another culture on a daily basis.


"Japan is a good country for Japanese...but some people really might want to think and change their attitudes."

Why should they do that, I'm curious? So they can better relate to you? Isn't it a bit presumptuous to go into a country, find that you have problems living there, and then saying that the COUNTRY should change it's ways because you don't like it?

I thought the point of going to Japan was to learn and experience the culture there. You don't change it - it changes you. Or you leave, and become bitter.


"In my home college I don't ran to exchange students and start asking when they are going home and such."

And you don't ask because you think it would be rude. Would the question "How much longer are you able to stay?" be rude? Just because you're asking it in the positive sense?


"Well things are better now.. 6 months have based and my life is pretty normal. I like it here, but I don't never make communication with my college students again. I just go to classes and thats it."
"My family also teached me another important thing. Never give up."

Isn't this EXACTLY what you've done? You had trouble talking with the native college students, and so you either isolated yourself or surrounded yourself with other foreign students. It's the same as running, and the same as giving up.

I'm sorry to be so harsh here, but it's the only thing I feel I can say that might jostle your very firmly held defense mechanisms. It seems very much like you've been hurt and scared by the new culture, and ran away from it. If you want to live in Japan, and not just survive, you'll have to open yourself up again, and you'll have to learn to deal with the actual people who live there.

Until then, you're living on an island within an island.

[Ewok85]

Could ya find a more general and broad set of symptoms? I experience itchyness, is that a result of culture shock. And if symptoms persist for several years, is that still culture shock?

[Nall-ohki]

Originally Posted by Ewok85

Could ya find a more general and broad set of symptoms? I experience itchyness, is that a result of culture shock. And if symptoms persist for several years, is that still culture shock?

Actually, I think you should consult a physician.

[Mrjones]

"They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks."

So you gave up, then? What was the point of coming, anyway?


"I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad"

Then perhaps you should - anger is a normal reaction to stress, and stress is something you will get a lot of while dealing with another culture on a daily basis.

I mostly agree with Nall-Ohki... Writing was good and pretty much downright right. but... this i disagree with

"
"They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks."

So you gave up, then? What was the point of coming, anyway?


"I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad"

Then perhaps you should - anger is a normal reaction to stress, and stress is something you will get a lot of while dealing with another culture on a daily basis."

you telling me that I should so anger while being on abroad to my fellow students in university. They are just acting as people are. If you dont care their ways its much better to ignore than take the blame I think.

Many things have change after that period. I think just not to communicate oppend up many new ways of acceptance than just being loud.