Unrequited love can be a 'killer'

[Tokis-Phoenix]

"Lovesickness can kill and should be taken more seriously as a legitimate diagnosis, according to health experts.

Frank Tallis, a clinical psychologist in London, is among those calling for greater awareness of the "illness" in a report in The Psychologist magazine.

He said many are "destabilised by falling in love, or suffer on account of their love being unrequited" and this could lead to a suicide attempt.

Few studies deal with the "specific problem of lovesickness", he said";

Full story;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4240579.stm?lsm




I really do believe that a broken heart can quite literally kill people- i.e. we all know that stress raises blood pressure and that high blood pressure can lead to heart attacks, which can of couse kill people. So i think that a broken heart can really kill someone even if they are not feeling suicidal.


When it comes to stuff like this though, my problem with our society is that i think we often pre-scribe anti-depressant drugs far too readily and often instead of strongly directing people towards help groups, cancelling and psychologists. I think many people take depression seriously now days, but i think a lot of people perhaps do not take "lovesickness" as seriously as they probably should do.

Chances are, that a large majority of us have had our hearts broken at some point, and even if we hadn't, coping with the emotions you feel in a happy or unhappy relationship or coping with the emotions we feel at the end of a relationship can be very difficult to deal with even if we are not that in love with our partner.
Love can make us do crazy things sometimes...

"He said in modern day terms the symptoms can include mania, such as an elevated mood and inflated self-esteem, or depression, revealing itself as tearfulness and insomnia.

Aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder can also be found in those experiencing lovesickness, such as preoccupation and obsessively checking for text messages and e-mails."




What are your views/opinions on stuff like this? Have you ever experienced lovesickness before?

[scorpion da black]

tokis chan

the real killer isnt love, one sided love, or heart breaking cheated love....

the killer is any overrated emotion.

extreme love, extreme hate , fear, desperation ...even happiness...

extreme love can be positive in the beginning, the lover will show so much loyalty ...be so faithful honest, protective..
but soon after...over protective behavior rises.
when ever a problem happens the overrated lover will demand the same feeling from the partner......
when he doesn't find that the partner shares as great of love to him he will have issues of trust ....doubts that the partner is not actually in love with him. or that an affair is going on.........and that would be dellusions due to fear of loosing that special some one that life is revolving around...
and in many cases when overrated love is broken it turns to overrated hate proportional to the value of love that previously was found.
that would lead to murder.......murdering the partner that didnt share as overrated feeling as him...
or in other cases turns to overrated desperation.... we all felt desperate in some time...but we would be normal soon after and look for a better tomorrow...
overrated desperation leads to suicide...

we all hate some one...but when hate is overrated it leads to killing...

we all feel sad from time to time...but some times a person cant find a reason to wipe away his sadness and this emotion turns into surrendering from life...then suicide.

even happiness....we all seek happiness. but even overrated happiness can kill...how?
when a person is used to overrated happiness...ordinary happiness wouldn't do any more.
soon when a person looses all taste of pleasure in life happiness will turn into sadness and desperation....because the person who is used to overrated happiness cant live the moment again.....happiness isn't always available to us.......and so happiness can be lost....and pleasures can be lost .......and when a person feels like nothing can please him any more in this life...he will attempt the same suicide that Alvis Presley did...

what i am trying to explain here is:
any overrated emotion can kill....
so strengthen your mind, and your logical brain to overpower your emotion and control your desires...and keep your emotions mild...

[Tsuyoiko]

I know what it feels like to be lovesick and it's a debilitating physical illness. The inability to take your mind off that person, making you feel confused and struggling to concentrate on anything else. The anticipation of meeting them that makes time stretch out unbearably. The rush of excitement when you see them, making you feel deliriously dizzy until your heart pounds painfully in your chest and you almost think you'll puke. The constant fear of losing them that makes you act like some paranoid nutcase, checking their every move like some deranged stalker. The loss of self that comes from wanting to please them, so you find yourself doing crazy things that are totally out of character - even things that might mean you lose everything. That sense of dread when they're ever late to meet you, that wells up inside until you start to panic out of all proportion. Those moments of clarity when you realise what an idiot you are and you have no idea what to do next.

My opinion: lovesickness is not love, it's infatuation. Real love feels calm and comfortable, occasionally exciting but never crazy.

[Kinsao]

Yes, unrequited love can be a killer... people ending their life because the one they love doesn't return their feelings...

I am lucky never to have been in that state... (well of course sometimes a guy wouldn't love me back, but never did I have such a feeling about it! Perhaps I am too cold-hearted... but if someone had used to love me, and their feeling of love stopped but mine didn't... damn I would feel pretty bad about it then but not enough to kill myself, I think...)

When I loved someone and they were going through a very bad time and I was powerless to help them, I literally did feel my heart hurting me in my chest. Not just for a short time but for a few weeks or even months. And just recently (more than half a year later) I suffer from irregular heartbeat, so I don't know whether it did some damage to my heart... I sure hope not, but you know, if I could go back I wouldn't change the experience.

I dunno, I think 'real love' can be calm and comfortable sometimes, but I get that panicky feeling sometimes if I don't hear from my boy because I worry he might have had a car accident on the road people are such crazy drivers sometimes.

[Derfel]

Anatomically any strong feeling can be killer, but when viewed from a different angle, negative ones can only own you if you let them.
If you can't handle being lovesick you're either very damn bored, lonely and bored at the same time, or for some reason very weak and devastated at that moment in your life. The classic meaning of love stands far from me, but when someone doesn't return my kindness and I make an idiot out of myself I bloody take revenge, just for the pleasure, indeed, I enjoy humiliating people who are unfair towards me.

[Revenant]

Pretty much placing all one's 'happiness eggs' in one basket. Dunno, I've felt strong feelings of attraction towards perhaps three females in my entire life, but the latest just didn't take all my attention while we were not together. In part, I think I've learned to control conciousness somewhat, and that I can direct my consciousness towards other things when I started to get the strong feeling of wanting to see her. There are plenty of other stimuli that I can get lost in, and a lot of them are available to me in the moment. I think that one has got to gain control over attention, and be able to direct and focus it at will. That is what I would consider a key to enjoying life more fully, and to enjoying more facets of life. Those whose happiness is dependent on the actions of another are leaving their emotional lives at the mercy of the environment, and the environment can be pretty indifferent to our desires.

[Tokis-Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Derfel

Anatomically any strong feeling can be killer, but when viewed from a different angle, negative ones can only own you if you let them.
If you can't handle being lovesick you're either very damn bored, lonely and bored at the same time, or for some reason very weak and devastated at that moment in your life. The classic meaning of love stands far from me, but when someone doesn't return my kindness and I make an idiot out of myself I bloody take revenge, just for the pleasure, indeed, I enjoy humiliating people who are unfair towards me.

Hm i have to disagree with that, if someone doesn't return your kindess and you end up feeling humilated, taking revenge on them to humiliate them back makes you no better than they are, you lose the moral highground when you do stuff like that.

I don't know if you have ever been in love or not, but maybe you have never experienced very strong love with a partner before, but i think its unfair to say that people that "can't handle" been lovesick are either bored or weak individuals...
I think as human beings we like to think ourselves as very evolved mammels, we like to think of ourselves as above all of that basic animal nature and instincts- but i think at the end of the day we are controlled a lot more by our instincts and emotions than perhaps what we like to think we are.
The bonds we can develop with someone can be very strong, when you really are in love with someone, whether you like it or not they will become a part of your life- to truly love someone in the first place you have to open yourself up to them a bit. Love can be such a powerful emotion that i think people can have a hard time dealing with it even when it is a positive thing.

I don't think negative feelings can only own you if you let them, i think this is a flawed way of looking at things because when you are suffering from lovesickness it is not a question of letting or not letting it own you, it is something that is out of your control until you can find a way to mentally cope with it better and fill in the gaps in your life that your partner left when they left you.
When two people are truly in love with each other they will inevitably end up sharing their lives together- they might move in together, share the bills, do shopping together, go out together, celebrate things together, sleep together etc. So much of what you do is together, that when the relationship goes wrong and your partner leaves you, all of a sudden you have to somehow cope with all the empty area's in your life which you once shared and filled with them.

So i really do sympathise with those who are going through bad lovesickness especially when it has come about due to the breakup of a relationship.
My fiances brother relatively recently had his relationship with his girlfriend of almost 2 and a half years ended. Even though he is no longer with her and she has now moved on with being single and all and is sleeping with other guys again, i think he is still very in love with her and is finding things difficult to deal with. He doesn't really go out at all and isn't socialising, he just sits at home all day watching tv with his one mate, he's in a very lonely environment...So me and my fiance are trying to help him get better, we're trying to get him out more, going down to the pub with us and eating meals with us (we're also trying to get him to spend christmas with us too, 'cos otherwise he will spend it alone) etc, but it is still really hard, we don't want to force him to go out and stuff, but he's really not that motivated to do so right now with his lovesickness and all.
Anyways, hopefully in time to come he will start to pick himself up and start enjoying life again, i hope he isn't been too badly affected by his ex, i know he will get better again eventually, but with the way things currently are i really don't know when thats going to be. His ex filled an enormous part of his life and now she has left him, he now has a big hole in his life that he's somehow got to start to fill in and move on from.

[Derfel]

When Im kind to someone, and the person does anything against me even though I was kind I consider that backstabbing.

[Kinsao]

Hmm, I tend to agree with Derfel on "negative feelings can only own you if you let them".

Whenever I have bad feelings about anything, I have to take control of myself... no matter what the cause is. Maybe something really small, like having a bad day at work, to something quite big, like death. The more traumatic the cause, the more difficult it is to take control of one's own feelings, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. Indeed it is even more important, otherwise the thing will destroy you.

Losing a loved partner is quite high on the 'traumatic' scale, especially if it is from someone leaving you or not loving you in return because that brings with it a feeling of betrayal and rejection. A lot of people find it hard to cope with, I don't think they should be labelled 'weak' but maybe simply need to work on that area because it is very important to be strong in things like this. I think it tends to occur in people who's identity is very bound up in their partnership relationships, which altogether isn't a healthy state of affairs.

[Derfel]

The grief after a loved ones death isn't something that goes away, but the persons tragic fate cannot be turned back, he/she won't come back, and by killing yourself nothing will change, only for worse perhaps, there will be more and more people grieving, more and more intensely. Now thats not a goal for anyone I believe. There's always something to do, something great in a persons life is like the end and the beginning of a different age. A chapter ends, a new one begins, a perilous one, a calm one, a prosperous one, a boring one or perhaps the epilogue, but until one reaches death, there always will be a new chapter.

[Mavrek]

One of my friends fall and fail in love with a girl .He deeply loved that girl but in the end she went the other way.My friend left alone ,depressed and out of the depression he committed suicide.So I believe that love sickness can cause the danger to one's life.