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Long distance relationship with a J-Girl

Discussion in 'All Things Japanese' started by Joe_West454, May 19, 2017.

  1. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Can anyone here give me tips on how to manage a long distance relationship with a j-girl, or woman in general. I plan on asking a woman out next time I see her, but as I am an exchange student, my time with her will be limited until at least next summer 2018. Thanks for the help.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  2. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    IMG_1139.JPG
     
  3. indojindesu

    indojindesu Sempai

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    Long distance relationships are difficult. Both the parties need to be sure that they 100% want to invest their time.

    First try and figure out if she is interested in getting into a long distance relationship. If she is, then you will have to figure out a time schedule kind of thing for calls.

    I recommend using LINE. Works well on poor internet connections as well.

    You need to trust your partner in a LDR. Which is not as easy as it sounds. Fights happen, misunderstandings happen, you cant meet and sort stuff out, you cant meet and hang out just because you want to. Not trying to discourage you or anything, just pointing out the things you take for granted when you are in a normal relationship :emoji_smile:

    And like Mike said, you can figure this out after you actually start dating :emoji_smile:



    Good luck :emoji_smile:
     
  4. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Thank you for you reply indojindesu! Currently it seems that we would be in a LDR for about 8-9 months minimum, the time until I finish my degree. So, it's not as long as you would expect. it would seem, if I understand you correctly, that consistent, and regular communication via online, snail mail, and phone etc. is the key to making a long distance relationship function. Errr, at least the foundation to make it work?
     
  5. indojindesu

    indojindesu Sempai

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    Yes! :emoji_grinning:
     
  6. nice gaijin

    nice gaijin Resident Realist
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    You haven't even asked her out yet, and you already want to tie her up beyond your stay in her country? Are you familiar with the phrase "counting your chickens before they hatch"?
     
  7. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Actually, I do have a date with her now so...
     
  8. nice gaijin

    nice gaijin Resident Realist
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    my bad, I'm sure your children will be beautiful
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    #9 Joe_West454, May 26, 2017
    Last edited: May 26, 2017
    No problem at all nice gaijin. So... I posted in another one of my threads, but maybe you can provide some assistance. I want to begin a texting relationship with said girl. Over the past week or so, I have been messaging her over Facebook, but it has been strictly business if you get my drift. Mainly just things like, I see you have office hours today, she Is one of my RAs, do. you want to speak some German today? Etc. however, I feel like it would do me good to build up a good texting rapport. Any suggestions?
     
  10. mdchachi

    mdchachi Moderator
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    How much time do you have before you have to separate? Before you start worrying about managing a long distance relationship you should make sure you have an in-person relationship first. After you have a few dates you can start texting about non-business things. For now, though, how about texting in German? That would give you an excuse to keep in touch and even talk about personal things while "practicing."
     
  11. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    I have been texting in German as well. The business stuff is also done in German. For example, this weekend she is going on trip to another prefecture with members of our dorm hall. I plan on asking her how it went and making a convo out of that. Hence the question. Also I have about a month and half plus minus a week.
     
  12. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    Then you don't have time to be assing around with some 1950s-ish old-school courting in an effort to woo her. Time's a-wastin', cousin.

    Time to just go straight for a heart-to-heart talk telling her you're very interested in her and would very much like to maintain contact during your absence and to continue a relationship when you come back to Japan.

    Faint heart ne'er won fair maiden....time to sack up.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    So... I should basically just tell her how I feel, and that I want to be in a relationship with her? Rather, should I suggest that we try to be in a relationship while I am back in the states?
     
  14. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    #14 Mike Cash, May 26, 2017
    Last edited: May 26, 2017
    Yes.

     
  15. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    So... I will definetly do That! My thought is that I will do it after our dinner together since that is the next time I probably will see her. That and it may increase my odds if I do it after a fun night together. How does that sound?
     
  16. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    It sounds like you have wonderful skills for putting things off and fifty years from now somebody in the old folks' home will be arrested for smothering you to death after he got tired of hearing you reminisce about what your life could have been if you had only gotten off the dime and done something instead of spending your whole life alone because you spent too much time agonizing over how to do something.

    Sh!t or get off the pot.
     
  17. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Fair enough Mike, but that will be the next time I can see her due to our schedules. That aside, I see your point, and I should just do it and stop worrying about the small details.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. mdchachi

    mdchachi Moderator
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    Before you tell her you want to continue with the relationship you really need to be in one though.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  19. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Fair enough, but as time is of the essence, I still need to let her know how I feel, and that I would like to start a relationship.
     
  20. KyushuWoozy

    KyushuWoozy Sempai
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    Have you thought of introducing alcohol into the equation? That normally helps.
     
  21. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    I have thought of that already, and we are going to a German restaurant. I am pretty sure a one liter beer size will be available for consumption. At this point it is not so much doing a heart to heart that bothers me, its mostly finding the right time. Like, I know I am going to do it after a date with her, but it is a matter of when. My gut tells me to do after our first dinner since I am not to invested in her, but it also makes since to have a few dinners with her, and then do it,
     
  22. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    You don't have a whole lot of "when" available to you. You keep worrying about the best moment for getting the theatrics of it right and the next thing you know you'll be on a plane slapping yourself for not having done it at all.

     
  23. Joe_West454

    Joe_West454 後輩

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    Fair enough on that one Sir. I just need to pull the trigger. Besides, I am sure that her answer will be the same reguardless of how the theatrics of it are. If she likes, she likes me.
     
  24. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    That is correct. And I think we have reached a point where our engaging with you merely serves to facilitate your procrastination by giving you a sounding board to bounce your apprehensions off of instead of just going out and slaying the dragon. The more you talk about doing something the less likely you are to actually just do it.

    Root hog, or die.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  25. nice gaijin

    nice gaijin Resident Realist
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    agreed! no more posts until the debriefing (no pun intended)
     

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