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Discussion in 'Chit Chat & Miscellaneous' started by Momokan0415, Jul 18, 2017.

  1. Momokan0415

    Momokan0415 Registered

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    I am a 30-year-old J-boy and acquired U-graduate degree in US 6 years ago living in Japan right now after graduated. couples of months ago, I got to know a canadian girl teaching English to J-kids in Japan and I dated her some times. The problem I recognized recently popped up is that she knows big words of English LESS THAN I even though she is a native speaker of English and college-graduate! , so I was crashed.



    Because I have strongly believed that almost all native speakers of English are inclined to take it granted that people all over the world speak English for what English is "De facto lingua franca"(BTW, she didn't know meaning of this) , so I have made tenacious effort to polish my english lest I would be never scoffed at for my English as a non-educated by native-speakers just because I am non-native.



    I was discouraged by the fact that I see difficulty to talk politics, science, history, and other academic topics with her deeply, so I have recognized "intelligence disparity" between me and her and romantic relation would be over soon. Even if I think so, it seems that she wants to be in relation with me. Probably, she may take advantage of me as a useful interpreter, driver, and sometime cooker.



    Last but not least, needless to say, she is still a novice of Japanese. She strongly depends on me for japanese.



    I slightly doubt that she left real boy friend in her country and would take advantage of me as an “useful” guy in the name of boy friend



    based on that, 2 questions to ask you here.



    1. Should I say to her like "make your voca better cuz you are Native speaker" clearly? I don't intend to mar her emotion, but I don't want one-night or temporal relation with her. I am 30-year-old guy, I need only the girl of whom I can expect permanent relation. I am afraid such a disparity would cause demise of romantic relation



    2. Do all western girls think that they take it granted that J-boys serve as an interpreter for non-japanese speaking girls all the time, serve as a driver if they miss the last train before they call each boy friend , and boy friends are supposed to make dinner whenever they ask? I heard of the fact that western girls expect guys to do a lot of things.....In fact, she sometime asked me if i could make dinner because I am good at cooking according to her remark. actually, I gave ride to her sometimes. I am afraid that unilateral relation would be organized. it's not fair if it's true. I really need FAIR RELATION for everything.



    Any comments form J-boys and western girls being relation with J-boy welcome.
     
  2. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    Maybe you're just dating a dumbass. A college degree is no reliable indicator of intelligence or linguistic skill.

    If you don't like being used by her, stop volunteering for it.

    If you don't like translating, stop doing it.
     
  3. mdchachi

    mdchachi Moderator
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    1) Nothing you can say will cause her to improve her vocabulary or become more informed about science or politics or whatever.

    2) No not all western girls think that way. You should try to explicitly communicate with her and not rely on implicit hints to convey your thoughts and expectations.
     
  4. JuliMaruchan

    JuliMaruchan Sempai

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    Regarding knowledge of English, it's very popular in Western countries to hate reading, writing, and English class. So not knowing a lot of words is nothing to be surprised about. This is why the word "literally" has shifted in meaning to its original meaning's opposite in recent years, why people think they're being smart by saying things like, "Can you please fax the paper to John and I?", etc.

    The whole thing about expecting you to give her rides and cook for you... no, that's not a typical Western gender role. That sounds more like the attitude of a child. To an extent, of course. It's one thing to get stuck somewhere due to a circumstance out of their control and ask for a ride, it's another to just constantly miss trains and depend on getting those rides.

    I would only suggest that you be upfront, direct, and assertive. Not saying anything is like tacit acceptance.
     
  5. oZeroBars

    oZeroBars Registered

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    Evrything in related to america is ****** up anyways. Fake everything.
     
  6. Mike Cash

    Mike Cash 骨も命も皆此の土地に埋めよう

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    Including your compositional and reading skills, apparently.

    The girl is Canadian.
     
  7. HanSolo

    HanSolo Kouhai

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    How many women are interested in that stuff? Even your countrywomen only pretend to be interested in what you're saying when you talk about that stuff. If you want to have an engaging talk about politics, history, science etc, find guy friends to talk about it with. It's not a role you should expect of a woman to play in your life -- it's hard enough getting a women who meets all your other desires to have in a woman, without adding on unrealistic requirements like "can engage with me toe-to-toe in lofty intellectual banter".
     
  8. Momokan0415

    Momokan0415 Registered

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    yeah, probably, I trusted college degree too much.
    I should have said "make effort to improve your voca in English or study Japanese!" to her
     
  9. Momokan0415

    Momokan0415 Registered

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    #9 Momokan0415, Jul 23, 2017 at 23:38
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2017 at 23:45
    Thank you for your comment, as for answer No.2, I heard of the fact that Japanese guys are smeared stigma which we tend not to be less helpful, passionate, and considerate to girls compared to Western guys. I really want to wipe out the stigma ,so I tried to make effort, but I am about to be burn out.....
     
  10. Maria_223

    Maria_223 後輩

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    Sometimes you have to accept that when people are dependent, they also tend to take advantage. If she also doesn't take it upon herself to improve (as we strive to when we are in relationships with other people) then it wouldn't make sense to maintain it... You would only end up trying to please something akin to a black hole, where you throw everything you have at it and it would just swallow it all up.
     

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