The Japanese spouse and with a gaijin spouse

Discussion in 'Japan Practical' started by musicisgood, Sep 22, 2018.

  1. musicisgood

    musicisgood Sempai
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    Any of you fit this description? If so, how soon was it to you that you found out that life in Japan might not be up to par to what you may have imagined.
    I think one of the first things that I encountered was that I lost being in control of my destiny here. That happened on my 3 rd day here in Japan.
    What I mean by that is that my Japanese wife took total control of everything, which was wrong as years later I found out.
    Life is short.
     
  2. jt9258

    jt9258 後輩

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    #2 jt9258, Sep 22, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
    I think a lot of foreigners allow their Japanese partners to control everything for them, as they are too lazy to learn the Japanese way of life and as a result their life is not as they had imagined it would be, this also applies to foreign businesses and corporations who do not understand how to do business within the Japanese market place.

    Additionally I would go as far as saying that many feel that to adopt the Japanese way of life would result in them losing some thing, when they have far more to gain by working within the conformity of the Japanese way of life, they only lose because they refuse to learn, understand, accept and live.

    But more importantly, one of the reasons a Japanese wife would control a foreign husband, is because he does not understand his role/place in the marriage which is that of Head of the household/Family and master.

    Think about this, in July 2012 the government abolished the Alien Registration system and included all foreigners on the Japanese residence system, as a result it was the first time in history that a foreign man could be listed on the Juminhyo as the Head of the Household and therefore the Head of the Family.

    Foreign men have no excuse not to succeed in Japan, because Japan is still a man's country.
     
  3. Glenski

    Glenski Just me

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    Been here 20 years and married to a Japanese for almost all of that. Your description of a lost life has never been a part of mine.
     
  4. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    Have you read or seen The Woman in the Dunes?

    I've given at least a few minutes to thinking how analogous my life here might be to that story--what might (or might not) be similar...
     
  5. musicisgood

    musicisgood Sempai
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    I'll have to check that book out.
     
  6. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    #6 johnnyG, Sep 24, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2018


    If you want to cut to the chase (NSFW), click up to about an hour in.

    Pretty risqué for '64. And all that sand during the act...?!?!

    (and hey, anything to derail @jt9258 )

    (and if it says "unavailable" go to youtube and google the title)
     
  7. franck.f

    franck.f 後輩

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    Well, you don't need to get married to live in Japan.
    Stay 5 years on a work visa and then get naturalized.
    After that you're free to do anything you want.
    Personally I chose to never get married and never have kids. Now at 47 I still think I've made the right choice.


     
  8. mdchachi

    mdchachi Moderator
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    I think most don't plan to stay in Japan. It's usually a consequence from other life choices. Certainly it's a great place to be single. My 20s spent in Japan were great but it went by far too fast.
     
  9. franck.f

    franck.f 後輩

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    A great bonus in Japan is that you can remain in your 20's much longer than any other country since there is less age discrimination when you're a guy. It's not uncommon to see couples with a 20 years difference. Guys like me who aren't into mariage/kid are forced to date much younger women. The ones in their 40's are often in "mariage rush" as they feel they don't have enough time left. Pretty sad.

     
  10. jt9258

    jt9258 後輩

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    Not sure how the movie was to derail me, has not changed anything.
     
  11. HanSolo

    HanSolo 後輩

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    That's really not what happened. You handed over control. You can take back control (of yourself) at any time. Your's is an optional prison. If only I could show you what I've seen, like a movie reel. Some of the guys I met in Japan, foreigners, had done so damn well, and were so in control, it was ridiculous. One guy was the same age as me and had previously arrived on a working holiday visa like I had and was doing crazy well and was in total control of his life (despite having a woman & kids). Hint: every single one of them started their own businesses, none of them were English teaching employees.

    Yep, a lot of "powerlessness" is just due to laziness.

    I loved that movie
     
  12. jt9258

    jt9258 後輩

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    My point was that they refuse to understand the Japanese way of life.
     
  13. JapanJimKobe

    JapanJimKobe Kouhai

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    Interesting watch
     

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