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Would you check my sentences (for Polestar II Lesson 1 Part 2)?

Discussion in '英語勉強フォーラム - Learning English' started by hirashin, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    Dear native English speakers,
    would you please check my sentences again?
    They are for the 11th graders.
    I have to make a lot of exercises because the textbooks the school has adopted are so difficult that most of my students will not understand. I'm so busy!
    I'd appreciate it you'd help me again.

    Would you please correct my sentences if needed?

    1 次の英文を和訳しなさい。
    ①Japanese people tend to bow while they shake hands.
    (bow =お辞儀をする shake hands = 握手する)

    ②I was impressed by the beauty of the garden I visited yesterday. (beauty = 美,美しさ)

    ③We decided to leave the town immediately. (immediately = ただちに,すぐに)

    ④When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were watching the screen of their
    smart phone.

    ⑤Before you go to the country, try and get as much information about it as you can.

    ⑥Sorry, I'm busy now. Would you ask someone else to help you?

    ⑦When I began walking again with that big heavy suitcase, someone asked me for help.

    ⑧When I was much younger, I would often work part-time. (would ~=~したものだ)

    ⑨I ran up the stairs of the station with a big bag as fast as possible and barely caught the
    last train. (as ~as possible =できる限り~ barely = かろうじて~ the last train = 終電)

    ⑩Our house was washed away and we were all having a tough time in the school gym.

    ⑪When I was in trouble in the train station, one Japanese woman approached me and
    said, "Can I help you?"

    ⑫I was surprised to be asked to be manager of the big store.

    2 次の文を( )の指定に従って英訳しなさい。変化させる語もあるので注意。
    ①あなたはすぐにこの地域を離れた方が良い。(should, area, immediately を用いて6語)
    ①You should leave this area immediately.

    ②私達はできるだけ早くその町に着こうとした。(as, try, possible, townを用いて11語)
    ②We tried to arrive at (/get to) the town as early/soon as possible.

    ③次の試合には必ず勝ちます。(will, surely, gameを用いて7語で)
    ③I will surely win the next game.

    ④私は、他のみんなと同じように1日2時間以上英語の勉強をします。
    (study, more, for, like, else を用いて13語で)
    ④I study English for more than two hours a day like everyone else.

    ⑤私は、あなたが多くの人を助けているので感心している。
    (admire, lot, becauseを用いて10語で)
    ⑤I admire you because you help a lot of people.

    ⑥日本に来てすぐ、私はバイトを始めました。(soonで始め, beginを用いて10語で)
    ⑥Soon after I came to Japan, I began working part-time.

    ⑦私は、オーストラリアの多くの生徒が日本語の勉強をしているのを見て驚いた。
    (many, surprise, to, see, study を用いて)
    ⑦I was surprised to see many students in Australia study Japanese.

    ⑧最初のグループは私達より2時間先に着いた。(ahead ofを用いて9語で)
    ⑧The first group arrived two hours ahead of us.

    ⑨地震が起きたとき、すべてのエスカレーターが停止した。(occurを用いて10語で)
    ⑨When the earthquake occurred, all the escalators were shut down.

    ⑩私は、日曜日でも(→でさえも)働けと言われて驚いた。(surprise, tell, evenを用い11語で)
    ⑩I was surprised to be told to work even on Sundays.

    ⑪私はすることを探すべきだと言われた。(tell, that, look, to を用いて11語で)
    ⑪I was told that I should look for things/something to do.

    ⑫彼らは、その地震のすぐ後、被災者(the victims)を助けるために東北地方(the
    Tohoku Region)に向かった。(soonで始め, leave, helpを用いて14語で)
    Soon after the earthquake, they left for the Tohoku Region to help the victims.

    ⑬100人以上の人が私の前に並んでいた。(there, than, line, ahead を用いて12語で)
    There were more than one hundred people lining up ahead of me.
    There were more than one hundred people in line ahead of me.

    Thanks in advance.

    Hirashin
     
  2. Michael2

    Michael2 Kouhai

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    ④When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were watching the screen of their
    smart phone.

    *using their smartphones/looking at their smartphones

    ⑤Before you go to the country, try and get as much information about it as you can.

    You don't need "to the country", or substitute it with "there"

    -When I was much younger, I would often work part-time.

    *I had a lot of part-time jobs

    ⑩Our house was washed away and we were all having a tough time in the school gym.

    *a tough/hard time living in the school gym

    ⑪When I was in trouble in the train station, one Japanese woman approached me and
    said, "Can I help you?"

    *a Japanese woman

    ③I will surely win the next game.

    I'm not sure about the translation but I would put "definitely". "Surely" implies, ironically, less than 100% certainty, the sense that you are having to persuade someone else that you are right.
     
  3. joadbres

    joadbres Sempai

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    In 1-⑤, "try and get" is a colloquialism that is likely to cause confusion for your students. Changing this to "try to get" is probably best.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    #4 hirashin, Apr 25, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
    Thank you for the help, Michael2 and joadbres.

    The textbook has both phrase "try to" and "try and" in Lesson 1. The latter usage seems to be controversial.

    When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were looking at their smartphones.

    Does "watching the screen of their smartphone" sound off?

    How about this?
    Before you go to a country you don't know much about, try and get as much information about it as you can.

    I'd like to use "work part-time.

    How about this?
    In Japan, a lot of women work part-time these days.

    Do you mean this?
    Our house was washed away and we were all having a tough/hard time living in the school gym?

    OK. Would "one" sound off?


    Oh, really? Is this sentence different from "I'm sure I'll win the next game."?

    I'd like to use "surely".
    How about this, instead?
    Jane will surely be here on time. She's punctual.
     
  5. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    1 次の英文を和訳しなさい。
    ①Japanese people tend to bow (while) when they shake hands.
    (bow =お辞儀をする shake hands = 握手する)
    --my preference
    ②I was impressed by the beauty of the garden I visited yesterday. (beauty = 美,美しさ)

    ③We decided to leave (the) town immediately. (immediately = ただちに,すぐに)
    --"the" is optional
    ④When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were looking at the screens of their
    smart phones.

    ⑤Before you go to that country, try and get as much information about it as you can.
    --or the changes suggested above
    ⑥Sorry, I'm busy now. Would you ask someone else to help you?

    ⑦When I began walking again with that big heavy suitcase, someone asked me for help.
    --??? maybe "asked me if I needed help"
    ⑧When I was much younger, I would often work part-time. (would ~=~したものだ)

    ⑨I ran up the stairs of the station with a big bag as fast as possible and barely caught the
    last train. (as ~as possible =できる限り~ barely = かろうじて~ the last train = 終電)
    --maybe: as fast as I could with a big bag
    ⑩Our house was washed away and we were all having a tough time staying/living in the school gym.

    ⑪When I was in trouble in the train station, a Japanese woman approached me and
    asked, "Can I help you?"

    ⑫I was surprised to be asked to be manager of the big store.

    2 次の文を( )の指定に従って英訳しなさい。変化させる語もあるので注意。
    ①あなたはすぐにこの地域を離れた方が良い。(should, area, immediately を用いて6語)
    ①You should leave this area immediately.

    ②私達はできるだけ早くその町に着こうとした。(as, try, possible, townを用いて11語)
    ②We tried to arrive at (/get to) the town as early/soon as possible.
    --I prefer "get to"
    ③次の試合には必ず勝ちます。(will, surely, gameを用いて7語で)
    ③I will surely win the next game.

    ④私は、他のみんなと同じように1日2時間以上英語の勉強をします。
    (study, more, for, like, else を用いて13語で)
    ④I study English for more than two hours a day, like everyone else.
    --optional comma, but I think it reads better with it
    ⑤私は、あなたが多くの人を助けているので感心している。
    (admire, lot, becauseを用いて10語で)
    ⑤I admire you because you help a lot of people.

    ⑥日本に来てすぐ、私はバイトを始めました。(soonで始め, beginを用いて10語で)
    ⑥Soon after I came to Japan, I began working part-time.

    ⑦私は、オーストラリアの多くの生徒が日本語の勉強をしているのを見て驚いた。
    (a lot of, surprise, to, see, study を用いて)
    ⑦I was surprised to see that a lot of students in Australia study Japanese.

    ⑧最初のグループは私達より2時間先に着いた。(ahead ofを用いて9語で)
    ⑧The first group arrived two hours ahead of us.

    ⑨地震が起きたとき、すべてのエスカレーターが停止した。(occurを用いて10語で)
    ⑨When the earthquake occurred, all the escalators were shut down.
    --this sounds like the escalators were already stopped when the quake happened; take out "were" and it sounds like they stopped due to the quake
    ⑩私は、日曜日でも(→でさえも)働けと言われて驚いた。(surprise, tell, evenを用い11語で)
    ⑩I was surprised to be told that I had to work even on Sundays.
    --even better, move "even": "...that I even had to work on..."
    ⑪私はすることを探すべきだと言われた。(tell, that, look, to を用いて11語で)
    ⑪I was told that I should look for things/something to do.
    --((I forget what I changed...!))
    ⑫彼らは、その地震のすぐ後、被災者(the victims)を助けるために東北地方(the
    Tohoku Region)に向かった。(soonで始め, leave, helpを用いて14語で)
    Soon after the earthquake, they left for the Tohoku Region to help the victims.

    ⑬100人以上の人が私の前に並んでいた。(there, than, line, ahead を用いて12語で)
    There were more than one hundred people lined up ahead of me.
    There were more than one hundred people in line ahead of me.
    --I prefer the second over your original first, but the first like this is fine, too


    (I'm not trying to perfectly match the E-J versions, just offering my versions of your English sentences.)
     
  6. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    Thank you very much for your great effort, johnnyG. I really appreciate it.

    I have some further questions.

    1④a) When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were looking at the screens of their
    smart phones.
    ④b) When I got on the train, I found a lot of passengers were looking at their smart phones.
    Would both versions sound all right?

    ⑦When I began walking again with that big heavy suitcase, someone asked me for help.
    --??? maybe "asked me if I needed help"
    How about this?
    When I began walking again with that big heavy suitcase, someone offered to help me.

    ⑧When I was much younger, I would often work part-time. (would ~=~したものだ)
    Michael2 didn't like this one. Would it sound OK to you?

    ⑨a) I ran up the stairs of the station as fast as I could with a big bag and barely caught the
    last train.

    How about this? Would it sound off?
    I ran up the stairs of the station as fast as possible with a big bag and barely caught the
    last train.

    ⑪When I was in trouble in the train station, a Japanese woman approached me and
    asked, "Can I help you?"

    Would "said" instead "asked" sound unnatural?

    2②私達はできるだけ早くその町に着こうとした。(as, try, get, possible, townを用いて11語)
    ②We tried to get to the town as early/soon as possible.

    ③次の試合には必ず勝ちます。(will, surely, gameを用いて7語で)
    ③I will surely win the next game.

    What's the difference between this one and "I'm sure I will win the next game"?

    ⑦私は、オーストラリアの多くの生徒が日本語の勉強をしているのを見て驚いた。
    (a lot of, surprise, to, see, study を用いて)
    ⑦I was surprised to see that a lot of students in Australia study Japanese.

    Would "many " sound unnatural?

    ⑨地震が起きたとき、すべてのエスカレーターが停止した。(occurを用いて10語で)
    Would this be all right?
    ⑨When the earthquake occurred, all the escalators shut down.
    How about this?
    ⑨When the earthquake occurred, all the escalators got shut down.

    ⑩私は、日曜日でも(→でさえも)働かないといけないと言われて驚いた。(surprise, tell, that, have toを用い14語で)
    ⑩I was surprised to be told that I even had to work on Sundays.

    ⑪私はすることを探すべきだと言われた。(tell, that, look, to を用いて11語で)
    ⑪I was told that I should look for things/something to do.
    --((I forget what I changed...!))
    What do you mean by that? Does this one sound off, too?

    I've changed ⑬ into this one. I'd like to use "line up" as an intransitive verb.
    Would this one sound right?
    ⑬いつもあの店の前にはたくさんの人が並ぶ。
    A lot of people always line up in front of that store/shop.
     
  7. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    I prefer the (b) version--it sounds more like what someone would say.
     
  8. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    Yes, good.
     
  9. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    I'm okay with it, yes.
     
  10. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    I guess you want to use "as ... as possible," but I prefer my version.

    "a big bag" also makes it sound like it's a challenge, or a contest. How about:

    I ran up the stairs of the station as fast as I could with my bag(,) and barely caught the last train.
     
  11. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    Yes, good.
     
  12. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    Not wrong, but when you're narrating what's happening, and leading up to a question, you'd use "asked."
     
  13. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    I prefer the latter--I think the way I would say it.
     
  14. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    To me, yes. Here in Japan, "many" is over-used, it's the go-to quantifier, when something like "a lot of" or "a great deal of" would be the go-to phrase for americans.

    "Many" is most often/commonly used with "too ~" or in negatives--there aren't many people..."
     
  15. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    The first implies automatically, probably an earthquake trigger.

    "got" in the second makes me think they got shut down by somebody--that the shutdown was not triggered automatically.
     
  16. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    No it sounds fine, but when replying (without losing everything) I was not able to go back and look at the original.
     
  17. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    Sounds fine!
     
  18. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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  19. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    Thank you very much, johnnyG. I appreciate your great help.
     
  20. Michael2

    Michael2 Kouhai

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    Hi Hirashin. "Watching the screens on their smartphones" is wrong similarly to why we don't say "watch the TV". We are not watching the physical smartphone, screen or TV, but what's on it. Also, the smartphone or screen are not moving, what's on them is moving.

    "I would often work part-time" does not make sense. Working is a long-running activity, you don't say "I often work.", you don't do it one day, have a break for a week or a month or a year and then do it again. You could have had a few different jobs, but that is what you would say - "I had a lot of different part-time jobs when I was younger".

    "One Japanese woman" would only be necessary if you wanted to specify what one woman was doing when another or others were doing something different. There is no reason here to say anything but the standard "a + (noun)"

    "Jane will surely be here on time. She's (always) punctual."
    This is much better. Here you are making an assertion, which is subjective, but your statement before was about something YOU were going to do. If you were so sure you were going to win you wouldn't use "surely" but definitely. It's similar to using "must" when speculating, in that you are as sure as you can be but you can't know definitively.
     
  21. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    Hello, Michael2. Thank you for the further help.

    Is it that you don't say "I will (or I'll) surely" ? How about "I'll surely be here at this time tomorrow"?
     
  22. Michael2

    Michael2 Kouhai

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    It would be ok, and as I said it depends on the translation and what you want them to say, but using "surely" when referring to yourself might a little odd because you are in control of what you do, usually. As I said before, "surely" has an implication of persuasion, like "Surely it's finally going to be sunny tomorrow!" or "Surely it would be better to...." when you are persuading someone else. You could certainly refer to yourself if it was something you couldn't control, "Surely it would be better if I went (on the business trip), I can speak Chinese and he can't.", but for things that you can control it would obviously be odd to be persuading someone else of what you are going to do, control and is set/decided, i.e. "Surely I will meet my friend tomorrow". There's no discussion or argument here, it's definite/set/decided. You are going to meet your friend. Just like you are "going to be here at this time tomorrow". It's a fact.
     
  23. hirashin

    hirashin Sempai
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    Thanks, Michael2.

    Then how about these?
    (a1) Tom played much better this time. He'll surely win the next game.
    (b) It's getting dark outside. Surely it's going to rain soon.

    Would (a2) sound better than (a1)?
    (a2) Tom played much better this time. I'm sure he'll win the next game.

    And what does this mean? It's an online dictionary.
    (c) Surely he didn’t say that, did he?

    Does it mean "I can't believe he said that"?
     
  24. johnnyG

    johnnyG 先輩

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    @Michael2 I guess I disagree. Here's the original and some others that I'd say are okay:

    ⑧When I was much younger, I would often work part-time.
    • During my university days/years, I would often work part-time.
    • When I had a mortgage, in order to cover the payments, I would often work part-time(, in addition to my regular job.
    • Since there was so little work during the depression, people would often (only) work part-time.

    All of those seem okay--what am I missing?
     
  25. Michael2

    Michael2 Kouhai

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    To me it doesn't make sense because you can't use "often" with continued-state verbs. I would often /go abroad on holiday/play at the park with my friends/take the train to school/ when I was younger," are all one-off events that you did repeatedly, but working is a state, not a repeated action. Perhaps it's a difference in how we see part-time. To me part-time is over a period of time as long as any other job but with shorter hours; temporary, or temp jobs, are what you call short-term jobs in England, so I might say "He would often temp in the summer to make some money" because they are repeated events.
    I don't like "would often" either. It's too poetic, formal and like a reminiscence to refer to working. I would just say "I had a few part-time jobs in uni"
     

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